Anxious about GP appointment tomorrow

[Notonaschoolnight]

Whatever I try to call it PMT, moody ,negative or stressed I've been this way forever since I started puberty about 30y ago. About 9 years ago I plucked up the courage to see a doctor a nice old man who gave me Ad's but at the time I was very stressed with 2 at 2 and under and in the middle of a 2year long sleep deprivation headache and I only took the AD's for 5 days partly because I couldn't handle the side effects making me feel worse and partly because taking them didn't sit comfortably with me and certainly not with my oh so I stopped convincing myself I was just stressed not depressed.

I was good at convincing myself it was stress 2 kids 1 disabled, no family to help and call centre job I hated, not enough joint income etc etc

But my low mood never went away now we have a good income coming in, I only have to work part time in a better job, I have a puppy which I'm out walking 3 times a day, in the last couple of months I've been to classes and learned to swim which I love. I no longer drink alcohol to make myself feel better. Though I do still comfort eat because I'm more active than ever I've lost weight.

All sound great doesn't it so why am I as unhappy and difficult to live with as I've ever been? I worry and think all the time I'm responsible for our whole family life as oh can think of nothing but his job and certainly would be of no help if I went on about how I feel.

on top of the above I've been take 1000mg of St. John wort for about 100 days
Which has made no difference.

I've booked the appointment tomorrow because I'm so unhappy particularly with my marriage and barely go a day without thinking of divorce but it obv scares me that I personally don't think I'm thinking the way a normal happy person thinks and that splitting could be a mistake if I was.

I already see myself driving home from the GP tomorrow upset because ill just get a pep talk to buck up

Thank you if you've read this I do appreciate it

I just posted about feeling anxious myself about going to the gp tomorrow. No advice but lots of sympathy for you.

I think that you are quite right to seek help and a good gp should take you seriously. It sounds to me as if you would benefit from talk therapy, something you can take up with the gp. Good luck.

ps. If you're worried about telling the gp all of this or forgetting some important points, just write it down or print it out, and give it to him or her to read. That's what I do and it works for me - much less stressful than having to talk.

Thank you both felt strange not mentioning my appointment to oh but it's the right thing for me I know he'll disapprove and not understand which will make me question myself. Plus I hate that friends and family never forget your falls, when you recover and move on like something's never happened you can rely on them to remind you and I can't handle that. For the greater good I'm keeping this between me and you lovely anonymous people for a little while at least