Thinking of reporting my abuser *WARNING TRIGGERING*

[Katkins1]

Hi

I'm just after a bit of a sounding board really. Myself and my half-sister were abused when we were little, by my Mum's partner (my sis' dad). I've not spoken to Mum in years, or my sister (long), but I am thinking of reporting the abuse once I finish my degree in May.

The reason for this is a recent loss that has forced me to put things in to perspective. I'd appreciate any thoughts on this. It was quite severe abuse, and my memories are a bit wobbly. He has 8 other children as far as I know, so I'm guessing the abuse is very deep rooted.

Is there anyone out there who has done this, and how hard was it? Should I just let it go?

It's confusing for me. I'm only 26, and a single parent (one DD, 6), so I'm scared for my own safety too. But its eating me up inside.

You have to do what feels right for you ultimately. Maybe have some counselling to help you decide if you feel that would help. Can I ask why you'd report it after you finish your degree?

Just because I'm nearly finished, and the emotional upheaval might be too much. I have counselling, but I'm still very unsure. There are so many ifs and whys.

You just have to go with what you feel is right for you. Sorry if that's not particularly helpful but I think best to discuss with your counsellor so you feel sure about it.

Hi there I did report my so called brother he raped me from the age of 4 when he was 16 carried on until I was 12. Reported him in September 2011 and although very hard it was the best thing I ever did the support I got from the police was fantastic. In November of 2012 he was found guilty of abusing myself and my 2 older sisters and in the December sentenced to 16 years with a minimum of 3 quarters to be served.

I am much older than you was 40 when I reported it but I basically couldn't live a normal life it was there every minute of every waking moment and many things I have experienced I have been able to connect to what happened to me x

Sorry to hear about your experience, Dotty. He abused my half-sister, too. It's there all of the time, as you say. I'm most worried about it triggering flashbacks or something like that, because I have PTSD. But I feel as though I want to make it real. x

No advice at all, but if anyone needs the contact details of a group (and individual within that group) that can provide support, advice etc for survivors, happy to provide it via PM. I don't work with them, but I know this person very well.

One of your questions was 'should I just let it go?' I don't think you should no, and it sounds as though you can't either otherwise you wouldn't be writing this thread.

I know it might not be helpful for me to say that you could be helping other victims or future victims, I don't want to put any guilt on you in that respect, but sometimes we can't do things for ourselves but we can for others.

I think it's important that you prepare yourself for what may happen if you do report him. Obviously it may go to court and he could end up in prison, equally it may not get that far as the CPS may decide there is a lack of evidence.

I assume he is still alive as far as you know?

Thank you for the replies. He is still alive, yes, still in a relationship with my Mum. As far as I know. What I'm most worried about is the repercussions, even though I don't talk to my mum, and don't want to.

I just don't think that I will be believed.

You've only got to look at all the headlines in the news of the celebrities that are currently in court with charges against them from decades ago. The police are very hot on historical abuse allegations at the moment in the wake of the JS allegations. So I am absolutely sure they will believe you.

You should do what you think will be best for you.

Sounds a bit lame but it really is whether you feel it would help or hinder.

I believe you.

In my experience even going to the police and letting it out is the biggest sense of relief in the world. This is very similar to my own story, i was 20 when i went to the police, id just had dd1 and the police were amazing. I wish you all the luck in the world whatever you decide

Thank you everyone. My main reason for wanting to do this is because he has several other Daughters, and I do not think it was a one off.

I guarentee you were not, my abuser had 13 children and other step children and i know for a fact im not the only one. I went nc with my own mother because after she found out she was texting him and wanting to get back together and begged him for a lift around the corner. She doesnt accept that that is disgusting so i dont accept her in my or my girls life.

I agree as the DC in charge of my case said to me she knows he has not been ''inactive'' for the last 30 years. It is a massive relief telling someone in authority what has happened I went through years of counselling on and off until I was 24 but NEVER once told them what actually happened.

My mother and other brother have disowned us despite my mother knowing from when I was 16 her reaction back them was to slap me across the face and call me all the liars under the sun I left home a short time later.

Brother still doesn't believe it he has 2 daughters aged 14 (just)and 16 first place the thing went after being released when charged was to my brothers house.

He also became a grandfather 8 months into his sentence when his DIL had a baby boy could of been a girl she lost a baby 3 years ago that was one of my main reasons for reporting him the safety of any potential grandchildren.

Yes, I do wonder about the safety of the children, but I don't know if I could go through describing all of the details again. Thank you for being so honest and open with me.

I believe you. you have to do what feels right x