Should i change my therapist?

[Lemsy]

Hi,

I have been having psychotherapy for the last six months. It is funded by an organisation set up due to childhood, clerical abuse. I am entitled to another year.
My therapist is lovely, very supportive and i have made progress. However, it has become clear to me from disclosing information about a significant past relationship that she is of the same religious/cultural persuasion (not the same as me) as my previous partner of eleven years who i was abused by. Horribly. I feel that there have been a few occasions where she has minimised his behaviour. I don't feel comfortable mentioning him now. How can i work through my anger though? This therapy is a godsend to me and i need to make sure it's the best i can get. I am entitled to change through the organisation and can find my own therapist if i want.

Any thoughts?

Thanks x

i'd say that feeling that your therapist is minimising stuff is a very good reason to change.

If you are questioning the therapist and have a year of funding left it seems you know the answer? May be worth ensuring any future therapist is not if the same persuasion though as that will not be helpful. Sometimes a therapist can be helpful but can only take you so far. If it is the case of their personal beliefs causing an issue nothing can change that.

Yes. Even if she isn't objectively (which you'll prob never know) if you are distracted by this and feel you can't discuss what you need to, you need to change.

Another year should be long enough to have a handover and still make significant progress IMO

I've answered on your other thread too.

She absolutely may not be the right therapist for you, and you are wise to question it. I would encourage you to speak to her about your misgivings - be totally honest, and don't hold back.

However, now that you believe she is of the same cultural/religious persuasion as your abusive ex, is it possible that you are projecting all sorts of negative feelings onto your therapist? For instance: it is quite normal for someone who is angry with their parents to project that anger on to an analyst as they work through their feelings - could you be doing the same?

Just worth considering.....good luck.

Hi Earlybird,

I hear you re: projection. I have considered that but there have been three occasions where i felt just giving normal information has kind of provoked a reaction in her, defensive body language, questioning my part in the relationship, which is fine but just too quick and re-actionary from her. From then on, i didn't want to mention him and we have talked about other things. My current partner suggested that she may be trying to provoke a reaction but i just don't think so.

Thanks for your thoughts, sleep well xx

Lemsey
"Transference" by the client to the therapist isn't unusual, and in some forms of depth therapy is actively encouraged by the therapist, particularly those practicing psychodynamic therapy.

It can extremely uncomfortable, awkward and make you want to bolt! Often this occurs mid-way through the therapeutic regiment and isn't unusual.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

You have said you like your therapist.

If you can, I discuss your feelings and thoughts with your therapist rather than change therapist without having this discussion.

Therapists are professionals and there shouldn't be transference of their cultural or ethical beliefs onto to you (your the client, not them). Equally,
they shouldn't be judgmental accordingly.

If it has happened, however inadvertently, tell your therapist so that they can address if. Therapists are people after all. Tell them if things about the therapeutic relationship are bothering you. Any therapist worth their salt won't be offended by you raising it.

If (like me) you struggle with expressing some things in person, consider sending her an email in advance of the session, or providing her a letter at the start of the session to read.

You have made good progress with this therapist. Tell her your concerns and if you still aren't happy then change.

I second Withan

The transference 'relationship' is a valuable tool for the therapist to work with, she should be taking her counter-transference 'relationship' with you to her supervisor. I would suggest that as you have a good therapeutic relationship as a whole with her, that you call her out on your perception of her reaction to you talking about the issue of your ex. She may not 'react' straight away, but if she is good she should take it inboard, process it and possibly/hopefully challenge your perceptions.

The therapeutic relationship should be strong enough for you to do this.

Good luck and hope that all goes well in what ever you decide.