Dont know who i am anymore.

[alwaysamummy]

Hi, I just wanted to write this down and see if anyone else can understand or advice in some way. I am mum of four, youngest being 9months, married, lead a pretty quiet life. But lately I am feeling quite trapped, mind racing, paranoid, and a horrible 'no hope' feeling. its awful as my children are fab and I adore them, but I'm really struggling with day to day things now. The baby is quite a handful, and I tend to do everything myself, not askin for help from anyone. I have kind of shocked myself this evening as have slowly started to think I may have depression after baby? Was fine up until a couple of months ago. Sleep is now affected as wakening with nightmares. I just am not sure what to do next. Any replies to this would be much appreciated. xx

Hi Op. It definitely sounds like you might be depressed, although it also sounds like having four children could be a real handful. I think a trip to your gp might be a good start?

Is there any reason why you don't ask for help? Do you have a close friend you could spend time with and have a chat with about how you're feeling. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way.

I have 3 and I don't like to ask for help but sometimes I have to (they're v close in age). I often wonder who I am as I am just a mummy now but to my dc I'm their world I'm an amazing person that can cook any dinner they want fix their toys read the best stories kiss boo boos better .... I don't c myself this way but that's another matter.

Could u get someone to watch the kids and go get ur hair done or have a soak in the bath? I find this helps me to feel as bit human. If u feel low and think u have pnd please go c ur gp there r lots of things they can do to help

X x

You do sound like you have some sort of anxiety/depression going on. Thats the bad bit. The good bit is you have recognised that there is actually a problem - that you may well be unwell rather than believing the feelings you have been having. The other good bit is that you can resolve this. First step is to go to your GP and explain how you feel, he/she should refer you for some sort of therapy, counselling, cbt or suchlike and possibly consider anti-depressants. You don't have to be in a desperate state to benefit from them, if things are off kilter they can help you get back on track. The doctor may also be able to advise on alternatives.

Another thing - you don't have to be perfect! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, shows good delegation skills, innit ;)

First can I thank you very much for coming back to me, really humbled that you all took time to answer. I have been unwell with flu for some time, and probably lacking in vitamins too, so I guess that's not helping. But flu doesn't explain that feeling of wakening up and thinking 'oh crap, here we go again'. I live in a very isolated area, I do have pals but I tend to be the one who listens to worries instead of dishing out my worries. Managed to go get my hair done last week, rare moment to self, and literally hated it which then lead to me feeling that I cant do anything right. Its my kids I feel sorry for the most, poor wee guys, they can sense when I'm tearful. I will have to go gp asap, I know I need to take control but its just HOW do I do that when I barely have time to even brush my teeth in the mornings. Again, thankyou for getting back to me. xx

You're not alone alwaysamummy. I can identify with what you're saying. I have three children and live in an isolated place and have definitely felt as though I'm not really me iyswim, just Mummy.
Make an appointment to see your GP and explain how you're feeling
Perhaps now is the time to lean on your friends, I bet they'd glad to lend an ear.
Can you tell your husband how you're feeling?
Be kind to yourself, ask for help .... it will get better x

thank you farmwife, things aren't great with hubby right now, I'm not sure if its my fault as I'm only beginning to realize that I have changed. he can be quite blunt in a way , almost like 'pull your socks up', so I don't think I will mention it to him in the near future. I will go gp next week. It is comforting to hear folk like you reply to me, really makes me feel I'm not alone, and I prefer to speak with people I'm not familiar with. Thanks again.x

Op sometimes it's easier to b honest with strangers. Def go c ur gp. I'm sure ur kids think u r the best u sound like a loving caring mummy. I have 3 and just the constant school/nursery runs (ds1 has moderate hearing loss hates school so it's a battle) and the older 2 fighting then my 11 month old dd is catching everything going from said school/nursery run .... It gets draining. U r not alone. I know what u mean about ur always the one doing the listening/helping but pls reach out to ur friends I'm sure theyd love to help. Don't cut them off. I have ocd and it caused me to cut off the couple if friends I did have (I wouldn't accept I had a problem) and it's so hard to make new friends and the odd bit of adult company helps to keep u feeing human. Could u maybe do coffee with a friend? U don't need to tell them how u feel if ur not ready but just spending an hr having a chat might help u x

A good brand of multi vitamins and minerals would probably help.

There was a thread last night about how to relax and I cannot find it now!
It wasn't in MH, it was in Chat or AIBU.
Anyway lots of advice about Meditation Apps and Mindfullness.

I need to get into the 21st century as I use CDs.
Apparenttly there are a lot of free relaxing, calming meditations online.
I'll look again for that thread.

Best wishes to you.