Ocd/anxiety and feeling fed up

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

As the title says I'm feeling really fed up.

Iv found my ocd easier to deal with since accepting I have it and I'm waiting for cbt but could b waiting at least another 6 months.

Dd has been poorly and I don't feel the Drs r taking me seriously due to my ocd/anxiety despite fact dd is genuinely not well and I have been doing v well last month or 2 in that it's not having an effect on my life anymore. I feel like the Drs have tarred me with the crazy brush since asking for help and no longer take my concerns seriously :(

It's starting to depress me that I got myself in to this mess. I have lost all my friends and it's so hard to make new ones as everyone else already has their friends. I get along well with the mums at school but I always feel on the outside iykwim no one is rude to me or anything but I'm just not nice enough to b included in things.

My ocd has been easier to manage but I feel like more of a freak than ever now. My dc keep me going but if I'm honest if it weren't for them I'd feel a whole lot worse and I'm not sure id have the inclination to get up in the morning.

My dh is constantly putting pressure on me to get some friends but I can't force ppl to like me can I. As far as I know no one dislikes me as such just think I'm a bit odd/different to them (I'm mostly ap and I get the impression the other mums think ill judge them ... I'm not like that at all I just do wot I feel is right for my 3dc I have no place to comment on how anyone else is raising theirs) so I don't get included in coffee/night out etc. and if I'm honest I don't think I deserve to b invited anyway I don't feel like I'm brilliant company I mean I'm not a bad person I'd help anyone but I'm not the life and soul anymore and haven't been for a v long time. I am a sahm and I appreciate I'm probably boring to most ppl as my dc r my whole world (I don't feel this is a problem just the other mums all work so have other interests and I don't so more an observation on y they wouldn't want me around)

I'm trying to bring my dc up to b confident polite and sociable but how can I teach them about friendships when I lost all mine due to my ocd and more to the point reluctance to accept it?

Sorry for the long moan not expecting any magic wands but if anyone has any advice even if it's a slap in the face and tell me to get a grip of b grateful

I was never in the in-crowd, like the PTA committees, so I sympathise with you.
I still feel that I'm different and have different values to many others.

You seem to have a low opinion of yourself and I think you are wrong.
You sound like a loving, caring, thoughtful person.

Could you manage to do some volunteering in a charity shop maybe, or a youth club.
Do you like singing, could you join a local choir, a nice easy going one.
Singing is good for the soul.

I'm a bit reluctant to suggest this, but would you consider joining a meditation group? It may help with the OCD.

Best wishes to you.

My dh thinks I need a hobby and not knitting that means I'm on my own lol he's probably right I do swim every wk sometimes twice a wk if iv the time I do speak to ppl bit I never feel like I fit in anywhere if that makes sense? Iv never been popular and it never used to bother me as I had 2/3 friends but now I have none bcos I let my ocd take over. My self esteem is rock bottom right now I know I'm not a bad person but I don't feel like I deserve to relax or feel happy I know it's the ocd but I just feel that if I let myself feel happy or relaxed then something bad will happen. I also know that changing me to fit in with everyone isn't right for me but at the same time wish I could just b normal. It's v lonely sometimes and I'm grateful I have my dc they r my everything I don't know wot is do without them. But even my dh thinks I'm weird we have been together 15 yrs and I don't think even he likes me much these days I know a massive source of embarassmebt to him he doesn't let me have anything to do with his work colleagues or friends if an invite comes jn for the 2 of us he will make an excuse for me and go alone. There's a few bbqs he's gone to and I thought wives and kids weren't invited to then c photos on fb and everyone else has brought there's and iv found party & wedding invites he's told me were just for him but hD the kids and me on too. He's told me bcos I'm ap his friends will all think I'm odd and while he's supportive and agrees with me on how we parent the dc he said it will just make his life difficult if I'm there.