Daily OD to self medicate

[LaLaLeni]

I was diagnosed with BPD, multi-impulsive anorexia and depression/anxiety 16 years ago.

I've stopped seeking treatment as none of it helped. I'm a very high functioning mentally ill person for the most part, but I self-medicate.

I take up to 20 co-codamol a day, in 2/3 doses, and have done for years on and off, but liver tests have come back normal. I know this is really dangerous, but I feel there is no help I can access. I've previously seen my GP (although a different one each time) and been put through some horrendously inappropriate treatments.

I'm now worried that going back will incite questioning about my parenting, and prevent me getting pain relief when I really need to (for pain).

Many years ago I took 8 paracetamol and my DF called the NHS Direct line, who just said 'wait and see if you feel ill', so I always thought that a dose of that size wasn't life threatening, but reading a few other threads here has made me worry that I'll drop dead at any second.

I'm trying to cut down but in order to not get sick I have to do this slowly, so I'll still be ingesting huge amounts above the regular dose.

Can I take any reassurance from my liver being ok ten years after starting this horrible journey, or should I be expecting to suffer serious consequences?

Good plan

How are you today LaLaLeni?

Physically and mentally exhausted really, with a touch of the stomach cramps :( but more determined to keep to the reduction plan. I'm going to reduce one every two days because I want to minimise the side effects as much as I can so that I don't have to take time off work.

Hope you're ok today LaLaLeni.

This may not be very helpful but I think you are dependent on the co-codamol, rather than addicted - the latter being when you crave more and more and that doesn't seem to be the case. So of course you will have withdrawal symptoms when you start to reduce the dose. I don't know anything about coming of these meds, but the general rule about reduction of meds is to do it very very gradually. It might take a longer time but might be more successful. GPs should be able to advise about the safest way to withdraw, but my GPs were useless in helping me to withdraw from ADs and it was only with the help of a psychologist that I managed to do it - she said the only thing that she would stop me doing was to reduce too quickly. She said GPs liked schedules but that's no good as they don't know how you feel when you start to withdraw.

SO you could try the "slow and steady wins the race" and even cutting one in half (pill cutters are available in pharmacies for a few quid) and monitoring yourself for withdrawal symptoms, and then when you feel ready, reducing another half and so on.

I know you are looking for a "quick fix" but I'm not sure that's the best way forward.

That's more or less what I've realised over the past few days, i cut out 8 tablets and I've felt awful. I guess I just find it hard not to 'just take that extra one' if I do it too slowly, whereas if I can chop off a whole lot in one go and get used to that at least I'm less likely to drop dead tomorrow.

No LaLa - slow but sure is the way to go...............my psychologist told me that I couldn't reduce slowly enough and the only danger was reducing too quickly.

Sure but if I cant do that then what choice do I have?

Also the two are very different drugs

Terrible insomnia and disturbing dreams

Yes, that is to be expected.

Wrt the slow or faster withdrawal: slower is far less unpleasant and because of that is often much more successful. However, people are all different and I've known people who by choice went through a v fast but horrifically unpleasant withdrawal because they wanted 'to be done with it'.

Remember and remind yourself of what you are trying to achieve. Nightmares and insomnia are awful, but not dangerous. What you are trying to stop doing may kill you if you continue.

I know and that's why I'm not giving in. Slightly worried about going to work tomorrow but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. In the past only fast detox has worked for me, and I've done it from much stronger doses of drugs with much longer half lives, so it was about 4 weeks of absolute hell.