I came on here years ago to talk through my childhood and it really helped me to realise that my childhood was NOT a normal one and the things that happened to be were abusive. Even now typing that seems dramatic to me because there were alot of good times too but I feel so weighed down by the events inbetween.
First I'll quickly summerise my childhood. My mum to the outside world was wonderful. All the kids wanted her as a mum. She was young, seemingly fun, compared to the neighbours in the area we lived in we had money (not money-money but in our poor area we could afford days out to theme parks etc and some holidays abroad) she always let my friends stay over and paid for them to come cinema and stuff.
It used to grate on me so badly that everyone loved her.
She was (is) a super aggressive person and when she lost her temper it was big time.
The things that stick out to me are the times she...
-beat my legs/hands with a rubber soled slipper.
-slapped me so hard it left raised hand prints.
- strangled me up against a door.
- pushed me on the bed and covered my mouth with one hand whilst she pinched my nose with the other, cutting off my air completely and watching me struggle.
- dug her fingernails into my skin leaving indentations.
These were regular occurrences.
So a few days ago me and my sister had a disagreement, my emeotions were running so high (I am on antidepressents, I have anxiety too) and i rang my mum for support, she shot me down and took my sisters side and to my utter shame I told her to F-off and put the phone down.
She came round later on and I stayed upstairs.
The basis of the argument with my sister is too much to go into but I was being made out to be at fault when i really wasnt and it ALWAYS happens that Im the one thats shit on and my husband was upset.
So anyways it all kicked off and I shouted out about the abuse at her when she was screaming 'you'll be sorry' at me. I said along the lines of 'you cant strangle me like you did when i was small' etc..
she was trying to slap me (constantly through this) and my husband was blocking her from me.
This all happened at the open front door and my neighbour was watching.
now my whole family is angry at me. my mum says we wouldn't let her out of the house, the door was side open and we were all stood there, how else could my neighbour see it all?
My neighbour came over once my mum sped away in the car to see if I was Ok as she saw it was my mother being violent and screaming (my mother verbally attacked this neighbour when she was with her small children years ago so she knows what my mum is like)
Anyways, no one is speaking to me now, all my 3 sisters are angry at me and my dad txt me saying i need to apologise.
I didn't think he knew about what happened when i was young (it was from about 8yrs to 12 yrs and i got most of it, id say the smallest 2 got none of it as she had somewhat mellowed by then)
so i txt my dad outlining what she had done.
i receieved noting for 24 hours then something along the lines of
'what you did to your mum and the eventsyou term as child abuse are 2 seperate issues. regardless of what went on you need to apologise to your mum.
I'm just devestaed, noone seems to think it was a big deal what she did. 'what i term as child abuse' makes it sound like he doesnt think it was??
if i did that to my kids he'd go ballistic.
thats one of my main issues with my mum now, if i even raise my voice at my own kids she chastises me! when her reaction to it would have been a violent outburst.
I'm sofed up. I'm thinking I want to just cut contact and I WOULD EXCEPT my sister lives with my mum and is due her first baby and I was so looking forwards to being involved and she needs support as he boyfriend bolted when he found out.
I'm so torn.
I know I freaked out at her but it was years of pent up anger just came rolling out of me when i saw that same angry face from my childhood.
I don't know what to do.
Sorry for any mistakes I am typing with a toddler on my knee and am too tired to correct.