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Sick of being called lazy

8 replies

grumpyoldbat · 19/01/2014 12:43

It's really getting me down to the point yesterday I was worried I was going to do something really unprofessional and burst into tears. At the same time I feel so tired I cannot see a way to do more so that I prove them all wrong.

I work part time, 6 weeks out of every 8. 1 week at 2 days and the other 5 I work 2.5 days. I am also a student nurse and although we have the odd week in Uni it's mostly out on placement so I do either 3 or 4 12 hr shifts each week on placement. I then have essays, a reflective diary, eLearning modules and exams to study for. I have 2 children and a house to pull my weight in too.

At work they think they're really funny they things like"finished already, honestly you part timers don't know the meaning of hard work", "is that you off skiving again?". They peer over your shoulder and say things like"oh you're actually working" "are you doing work", the team leader yesterday said that some colleagues were complaining that I wasn't pulling my weight. I've been obsessively checking my stats because of comments and on a bad day I meet targets, usually I exceed them. I spoke to the manager and she said my stats were fine and she didn't know what I was talking about (she works at a different site and isn't the one making the comments).

When people comment on my placement they say things like "oh only 3 days that's very part time, lucky you, time to relax" or "only 4days? Isn't it normal to work 5days a week, are you not well enough to work full time" (accompanied with a concerned face). When I do have a day off it's usually a weekday or I work back shift so I have a weekday morning off. So in shops I've had assistants ask "don't you work then", "are you not thinking about getting some work, what with her starting nursery soon you can't just laze about the house".

In being a student I get "a few years off dossing, nice gig if you can get" "wouldn't getting a work ethic stand you in better stead"

Before starting uni I used to clean the house top to bottom in a day and half max. Before I'm flamed I mean I'd be completely finished a day and a half after starting due to stopping for school run, homework, playing with dc, cooking etc. I'd then start again so house was scrubbed several times a week. Neighbour commented that "you don't wash your windows so often now are you getting lazy in your old age" I used to panic that I was behind with the ironing but it was never anything compared to the state I've allowed it to get into the past fortnight.

Then there's my mum's neighbours complaining that I've not done enough house and garden work for her.

If I say anything I'll just be told I don't have a sense of humour and if it bothers me work harder but it really gets me down and I can't find a way to work harder. I feel I'm proving them right and I am lazy which makes me incredibly sad.

OP posts:
PoirotsMoustache · 19/01/2014 12:56

I would respond to these comments with 'Yes, it's really easy working part time and being a student nurse with 3-4 12 hour shifts a week, studying, writing essays, looking after 2 kids and a house, I don't know why I don't take on more' in a jokey voice. That'll make the point that you don't have time to breath without you looking like you haven't got a sense of humour.

PoirotsMoustache · 19/01/2014 12:56

*breathe

SilverStars · 19/01/2014 14:04

Sadly people do not have insight into other people's lives and are probably jealous.

Just listen to your supervisor - your studies are going well, that is all that matters.

When people used to make comments to me about working part-time (after degree finished this was) I used to smile at them and say - "oh I am so sorry you cannot afford to be part-time as well, how tough for you" and smile serenely and flounce off!! Soon shut them up!! If they cannot make a decent comment I ignore them thesedays.

Sounds a good course to be doing and hopefully when you passed it you will be able to find a nursing job and get rid of your other work that is funding you right now and hopefully enjoy the career you are working so hard for.

SilverStars · 19/01/2014 14:05

PS - I was not part time because I could afford it, but that was none of their business!!

grumpyoldbat · 20/01/2014 05:44

Thank you. Sorry I didn't reply last night I had to go to work.

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 20/01/2014 06:12

Good heavens, there are way too many judgmental people in your life.

Fuck 'em. Easy for me to say, I know you are bothered by it, but you're actually working your butt off. I really, really don't think the problem is that you can't find a way to work harder. I think the problem is that you are surrounded by rude people with bad boundaries. You really do not sound remotely lazy.

I work "half time" -- supposed to be 20 hours, more like 25-30. I have another unpaid job that takes 20-30 hours a week. I do 3/4ths of the cooking (we don't eat out ever, and due to health commitments pretty much everything is from scratch) and 2/3rds of the cleaning. I'm fucking busy and we don't even have kids.

I don't know how helpful this will be but I have learned that it is very important to self-validate -- to look at your work ethic, your commitments to yourself and others, your contributions to your future and your family's future, and acknowledge the worth of it all. You set some goals and you're working to achieve them. That's great.

Also, hey, some people may be working harder than you. Big deal. I've worked hard in my life. Right now it is easier and better and more rewarding than it used to be. I worked hard to get here, but mostly I have also been really blessed, and I'm very grateful for the arrangement I have right now. It may not last. I am going to enjoy it and make the most of it.

Some people's lives are harder than mine. I do not envy them. I hope their lives get easier. Life is not some stupid competition wherein the most martyred, sleep-deprived, overworked mule of a human will a prize at the end while the rest of us are publicly shamed. If your arrangement suits you, then enjoy it.

grumpyoldbat · 20/01/2014 06:48

I wouldn't say I was enjoying it. It's more a means to an end. I need to pay the bills and to get the career I need to qualify.

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 20/01/2014 06:58

Fair enough. Still think honestly that you are working plenty hard to get that career, and that self-validation really will be important to your staying centered. Especially since you're trying to work toward a future but keep the present-day stuff going too -- it can be easy to feel like you're not working hard enough at either.

Also, didn't realize this was in mental health so if anything I posted came across as flippant I apologize. Thought I was in chat.

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