Worried and unsure

[Messupmum]

I've got to make a decision whether to be discharged from the cmht next week when my cpn leaves, or get a new one for a month or so while I get used to new meds.

I'm currently having weekly group therapy, which I'm finding hard and don't feel comfortable at yet. I think I have a bpd diagnosis as well as depression and anxiety.

I've been under cmht for approx 18mths, had too many cpn changes in that time. I have attachment issues and deal with changes quite badly.

I've not been good recently, currently under crisis/day hospital and this is where I had a meeting which left me sobbing. They let me leave early in this state. I asked for a phonecall today as I feel confused and low. Nothing so far. I'm scared of being left with no support very soon. I don't feel ready, but I'm worried I'm coming across as needy and pathetic. I am so confused and don't know what to do.

Hi could you phone the triage line again? Is it because of procedures they will not talk with you? I ask because where I live we have to actually be " under the crisis team", that is referred by a gp or CMHT ( and do not see usual therapy, Cpn or anyone when under crisis for a week or two, it is one treatment or them not both). They do not here treat people unless they have accepted a referral ( paperwork!!). And the crisis team used to hate it when my dp phoned them when not referred and refused contact with me. We can phone for advise but they can only advise go to out of hours gp to get referred to us, no matter what we said to them they would not engage in chat with us or deal with me.

Once I learnt that unless they accepted a referral to see me as a patient it was easier. I can phone them for triage, advice yes but they will not treat me or listen to me unless they done their paperwork and a dr has referred me to them.

So if that is the case and you want to talk to them can you go to a walk in centre, or get an out of hours appointment?? They can refer you.

It is hard alcohol, as I guess you know it can make a person more depressed as it acts as a depressant. But does not mean it is not tempting. I eat rubbish instead, equally not great for me but a comfort!!

Why not phone the Samaritans, to talk about your actions if it would help being heard in person. Sometime just having a kind voice is all one needs?

Have you spoken in therapy about weekends. Temptation to drink and how that fuels other thoughts. It will be a common issue so good to explore? Know it not help now though.

Thanks Silver (I think I know your previous nn)! you're always there. I rang 111 and a GP just called back. I hate talking to men but he was lovely. He said I have to see a GP to be referred to crisis, but I can't drive there, can't afford a taxi and the whole thing panics me. He's left it with me to call back if needed. I didn't tell him I've already taken a small od I am getting tired now, so just going to forget this eve. I only had two glasses of wine but wish I had more. I can't cope with this life anymore.

You can tell the out of hours you need a home visit. They have to provide one. Tell them you cannot get there yourself. Do you drive ( when not had alcohol that is?)

It is great you rang them. Is there anyone that can take you? I know not easy at this time of night.

Yes they have to see you to be referred. So make them see you!

Is there public transport to where out of hours are based? Could you get there tomorrow morning?

I do not think 2 glasses of wine is a lot either, but am no expert!! I would say I had more chocolate tonight !!

Yes you may be right, this was my Xmas name change!! Sshhh!!

I am around for next half an hour if you want to chat, about tv programmes, books, favourite choc bars you name it!!! See that will make bed seem desirable

Thank you, I'm listening to music but everything is making me feel bad. I'm just lying on the sofa so may fall asleep. I'm too scared to tell them, I'll just wait and see.

Music sounds good. Would bed be more comfy? Better sleep can help. What music do you like? At night I like relaxing stuff with no words!!