Had enough and want this to all end

[ShineyBlackShoes]

Been a single mum for over 13 years and not had a proper relationship for over 8 so clearly totally unattractive.

In trouble at work for not acting on a email that needs attention this week even though it was originally sent as a tentative enquiry in May last year with no confirmation that anything had to be done. I have memory problems so cant even remember what I was doing last May let alone one email I wasn't aware at the time I would need to deal with 8 months later.

I restarted jogging on Boxing Day and yesterday did my first 30 mins (struggled quite a lot) but today have been told by a runner that I am a rubbish runner and probably shouldn't be running.

So work is crap, I have no support at home and feel rubbish about myself anyway, and now find my new hobby is just an embarrassment as I am so rubbish at it.

What is the point to my existence? Apart from my kids, I wouldn't be missed, and very possibly the world would be a better place without me messing it up. As a human I am a huge failure. I would love to not have to wake up tomorrow and face all this endless crap that revolves around me...how so I cope?

we all have to cope with this endless crap - it doesn't go away. so, a couple of things

1. ring the samaritants or contact them, speak to a real person and don't rely on advice for the internet

2. you will devestate your childrens whole future if you were not here.

3. tell the other jogger to go fuck themselves - carry on jogging, just becuase that person said that - doesn't mean its true - what it does mean is that they are a first grade arsehole who gets their jollies from belittling other people - and do you really think a person like that should be listened to? i think not.

sorry i forgot

If you have memory problems you should

see the doctor - see the doctor anyway about depression

tell your employer

then

put in place strategies to help you remember things

a simple diary system would remind you of call backs . I use my diary system all the time to remind me of things including birthdays, telephone calls - even a year in advance

you could set an alert on your phone to remind you

the thing about feeling low is - i know from experience, when you get to the place where you want to come out of the black hole and you start taking control, you will feel empowered

so just the little strategies to help you remember things will help

speaking to samaritans to get a bit of perspective - is totally empowering yourself , almost giving yourself permission to strive forward with self belief and power

seeing the doctor for medication - will help - as depression is (i think) a chemicle imbalance that can be righted with medication.

All good advice above. I too am rubbish at running, the local running club laps me a couple of times round the estate, I don't care and will carry on

Also, just because you've been single for a while, does not mean you are not attractive! You may just not be in the right place, emotionally, for a relationship.

I felt like you a few months ago, I went to the GP who signed me off work for a month. I used that time to gather my strength and now feel so much more positive about things. It is hard being solely responsible for the home and family, when work is rubbish too, it can just tip you over.

Your DC must be old enough to help out a bit. Mine have been very supportive (teens) and I no longer come home from a long day at work to a massive pile of washing up.

Try to get little things in place to help you.