I HATE my brain!

[frugalfuzzpig]

Anxiety... it's the centre of my world lately. I don't even know when it got so bad - I didn't really notice it getting worse, or even that it was an issue TBH, it is so much a part of me that I didn't even realise I was doing it IYSWIM? Worry is my baseline emotion. I spend, without even (until recently) realising it, a huge amount of my time just trying to distract myself. The purpose of my brain is to try its hardest not to feel what it's feeling - to avoid it at all costs. But it doesn't work sometimes :(

Sometimes it gets into what feels like an infinite loop. I worry about something and it just gets bigger and bigger and my brain just won't shut up. Like tonight, I messed up at work, it's a minor thing and I've already apologised for being a bit behind but it has amplified and there's a big ball of fear in my stomach because I'm scared of what will happen when I'm next in. I'm going to attempt to sleep downstairs with a DVD on because it's the only thing that has a chance of drowning out intrusive thoughts. I've been lying in bed for over an hour just dwelling and panicking and my brain hurts from overthinking every little detail.

I am exhausted :(

I know all the CBT stuff so well I could write a bloody book on it but when the anxiety sets in it just isn't enough. I am trying so hard but I don't think I'm capable of not being anxious anymore.

have you tried yoga or meditation? I haven't but i would like to learn these.
also, how about positive thinking?
I hope you will feel better soon.

Thank you, I feel a bit better having written it down and will try to sleep now. I just want my brain to change though! Haven't tried meditation properly although have done a lot of mindfulness. It does help a little, but it takes a lot of getting used to as my brain has spent my entire life doing the exact opposite (fighting against thoughts rather than accepting them). I know what I'm supposed to do but putting it into practice is a different matter it's because anxiety is a self protection method. If I expect the worst it won't hurt as much when it happens (supposedly!)

there is good info on that site, it may help you maybe.
www.rainybrainsunnybrain.com/bbc-horizon/

frugal - meet your mate!

Mine became really bad in 2011, when we had a major house flood and had to move into temp accommodation whilst our house was re-furbed I went to my GP and couple months later attended CBT. I agree with you though, the Anxiety and irrational thoughts seem to just outweigh the CBT techniques, which then seem to become pointless

I was put on a low dose (20mg) of Citalopram, and that really did help me. I was also diagnosed with having GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder).

I too would be sat at my desk in work, and everytime my boss would take a call and close his door I thought he was discussing me and how to get rid of me! I believe now that this level of Paranoia was brought on by the GAD.

I now take 40mg daily of Citalopram and find they do really help. They don't take away the Anxiety completely but they do work to an extent.

Do you have a hobby that maybe you could do more of to take your mind into a better place? I love taking myself for a coffee and reading my Kindle.

There is a book by a famous American DR (he is now dead rest his soul), it's called 'Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff' by Dr Richard Carlson ... Each chapter is only a page (very small book) but puts your irrational worries into complete perspective. When I start to worry and my mind starts to spiral (which it does), I tend to refer to this book, or remember some of what it contains - it really did help me

I know Anxiety is a horrible thing to have to deal with Mine is combined with OCD so I feel like I'm battling every day tbh

I am here if you ever feel you need to chat. Do you have a supportive partner, family, friends etc? I don't if I'm honest, so have to pretty much deal with it alone, but then turn the negatives into positives by realising how much stronger I'm becoming x x

Frugal how are you feeling today? X

Thank you, I do feel better today. Was still very anxious this morning and DH eventually persuaded me to go out with him for a bit. We went via work (it's a public place so not weird) and I asked my colleague if it was all ok and she reassured me. I apologised as I'd also sent her a text earlier - feel a bit vulnerable having exposed my craziness but she is a really good friend so I know it's ok really.

I will check out that website bluebell thank you :)

Carrie I have not been diagnosed with anything to do with anxiety, but the psychiatrist I saw over a year ago said he thinks I have OCD :( I'm not sure if he's right but I need to chase up the referral (I'm currently having therapy in London for a physical condition, and didn't want the two to overlap so I'd not bothered pursuing help locally)

I first got diagnosed with depression age 14 - so nearly half my life ago! - but I've only recently come to understand that depression is actually more of a symptom, and anxiety is the main issue. I become depressed because I turn all my anxiety inwards and feel a failure (social phobia is a big part of it although not as bad as it was) and basically wear my brain out with all the paranoid thinking.

Meant to say I'm sorry you went through all that with the flood, how awful :(