Social Anxiety.. how do I become more social?

[MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday]

I have managed to get away with being unsociable for years, other than the toddler group stage (shudder), and have an easy going husband who is content to be home and has never wanted a busy social life. However after 20 years of peace, DS2 who has special needs has started a SN rugby group, and we are not being constantly requested to come to pot luck suppers, fund raising discos, yadda yadda.

I don't want to go.. in fact just thinking about it makes me feel horribly anxious and want to hide! I can just about manage an evening in a restaurant with a couple of really old friends, but more that that is just overload to me. I like to be by myself to be honest and have never liked pubs, clubs, social chat etc..even as a teen I hated discos etc

I don't wish to appear rude, or ungrateful, but I really just want my son to participate in the game (he has autism and it is very good for him) without the adult social life that appears to go with it. I understand that for a lot of the parents , getting together with others who have disabled children is fab..but it's not for me, and I am feeling under pressure.

SHould I force mysef, or is it actually ok to say, sorry but I don't do social events..I don't want to look snooty or rude!

It is ok to say no. If you don't want to go because you don't wanna go that's fine.

But. If u do want to go but are too anxious take your dh along.

I think it really depends why you don't want to go? Is it because you just don't like socialising or s it because you're worried it will bring on anxiety if you do go?

It's a bit of both tbh. Dh works in road haulage, and is frequently away so I can't ever say I'll go to an event and know he will be around. He would gladly support me I know but partly I just am no good at social chat and feel so awkward and partly I know I will be anxious, and then think I look a prat, and they will wonder why my social skills are worse than my autistic son's!! (I am rather similar to him and well aware of that but if anything he is more at ease at just being himself!)

I know I come across as somewhat reserved and maybe even a bit snooty..but it's fear :(

Social anxietys really hard, I suffer from time to time, usually when I'm having a stressful episode of anxiety. Facing people I barely know and making small talk is not my idea of fun, but that's because I worry they'll think I'm an idiot or I worry I'll say the wrong thing, that they'll see I'm anxious etc... My mum always says don't be a people pleaser, do what YOU want to do and what YOU feel comfortable with and after spending many years doing the opposite of that with some friends and dreading certain parties, nights out, if I don't want to go I just say that. No advice really other than do what you feel comfortable with. X

don't be a people pleaser

This is a brilliant piece of advice and what it boils down to is not worrying what people think. I find this hard but as I get older and my life I have left gets shorter (IYSWIM) I try and adhere to this.

If its distressing you not being sociable that's one thing, but pleasing others....it's another thing entirely. I'm by nature, unsociable, but when I saw that my son was quite shy I just got myself out there through necessity. One on one play dates are a great way to start if you're not big into groups (we're not). You don't need to go to big class parties... I spent the last few months committing to a play date per week and now it's become part of our lives are we're both happy....and for both of us, the shyness is easing.

I know how you feel, I'm not into social gatherings either. I think it's also associated with feeling I don't stop from the moment I get up until the moment my head hits the pillow. I've got 4 young DC's and also work part time. At the moment any spare time I get, I really just want to spend it quietly in my own company.

If you're happy the way you are, then that's fine. Don't live your life for other people.

Autism is strongly heritable... just saying!