I think I'm going to snap

[WhileWeSleep]

I don't know why I'm writing this. I suppose it's because I don't feel like I can tell anyone in RL.

I'm just so sad and angry.

My self esteem is so low. I feel ginormous and can't stop comfort eating.

Work is getting me down. They can sack me at any time. They got rid of so many people before Christmas and the tension was unbearable.

I live with my parents and my dad has always been abusive. I'm saving up to move out but that doesn't seem likely to happen for a long time. I'm just becoming very intolerant to his abusive behaviour. I feel like I push his buttons on purpose because I need an outlet for my anger.

I've started cutting myself again. Something I did as a teen as a coping mechanism.

My eyes are nearly bald because I can't stop pulling my eyelashes out.

I'm just at breaking point. I can't take anymore. I just need somebody to help me.

Hang in there. Perhaps ring the Samaritans if the night seems very dark. Can't help myself but hope someone will come along soon lovely.

There's lots of people here who will understand and offer support, your never alone.

Can you see your GP?

Is your mum supportive?

Thanks for the replies.

My mum is very supportive. My younger sister has gone off the rails and a lot of her energy is split between her and keeping the peace with my dad. She knows I'm unhappy but I don't want to burden her.

I'm trying to get an appointment but work won't allow anymore time off work. The hours I work restrict the appointments I can get .

I'm just a mess.

Bump

Is there any way at all you can move out, even short term? It sounds like you're coping the only way that you can which is to turn it in on yourself.

Some positive things.

You still have your job. As someone who has been through multiple restructures and god knows what else over the last few years, I can sympathise with how hard it is and how demoralising it is when people around you are losing theirs, but you still have yours.

Can you start making a plan? What would you like to happen? Would you like to move? What would you need to do to make that happen?

Have you been to the Dr at all? Id suggest at least going to talk to them, either about getting some anti-depressants, or even better, a referral for therapy to help with your self-harm.

The one thing that's for sure is that things can't go on as they are, so its about working out what you would like to change and then looking at what steps, no matter how small, you can do, to make those changes.

While we sleep... I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Your situation sounds so hard. I get the impression you have no respite, neither at home or at work. What control do you have? Do you have any friends you could move in with to keep costs lower? Or do you have any activities that you do in the evening to give you a different focus that's neither work nor home?

Aside from all the questions I HAVE heard you say how much you're struggling. Sometimes you don't need answers just understanding... So here's mine hugs Stay strong. Sending lots of love xxx

Hi, living at home whilst an adult can be a real problem for many people. Tricky for you to look to rent somewhere of work making redundancies though. When work or another job is more stable would you consider finding a room to rent in a house? That is often cheaper than renting by yourself.

Going to see the gp yes is a good idea. Most are open with enough times to get a slot to suit - even if have to wait weeks for it. Failing that some towns/cities have walk in centres or even gp practices where you do not need to be registered but often near towns for workers and open til 8, so you could find a place to get an appointment. Just need to be more creative sometimes. Some gp's do sat am's etc.

At the moment I don't have anywhere. The one place i had was a family member but her circumstances changed. I don't blame her at all but i certainly feel more isolated.

Most of my friends moved away with uni and we keep in touch but I couldn't live with them as I'd need to find a new job.

I feel like I've hit a wall and i can't move forwards

So can you start looking for a new job? May take time but could lead to more freedom and choices?

I have been looking but haven't received any replies. It just feels like one thing after another.

I can be so so happy for hours and then just burst into tears over nothing. I feel drained because I'm going through so many emotions a day

Just wanted to say thank you everyone for the replies. The input and advice is really helping me