What's after numbness?

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

I'm going through the stages of a breakdown. I've done hysteria, panic, paranoia, sobbing. Now I'm at numbness. I can't remember what comes next, and it's unsettling. What's next?

Work is hell. I feel victimised and bullied. I have a meeting with HR tomorrow, but it feels too late. I'm looking for other jobs, but it's hard, and it's taking a while.

I couldn't speak to my psychiatrist. The crisis psychiatrist told me to go off sick, but I'd worry about money...Stat sick pay isn't much when you've got bills and rent. I could ask to be able to work from an office closer to home, or to just go in one day a week? That feels unlikely, though.

What do I do? I'm standing in the rain because at least I can feel the wetness.

Ah numbness that was nice. For me it was and still is periodically anxiety. Also lots of crying every time I tried to express feelings. I still remember the first HR meeting where I managed to hold it in, god that felt like an achievement. Have managed not too cry at work since despite some goading! So I guess another 'next' feeling was achievement.
Having had a 20 year stressful career finally hitting the wall was a shock but I am taking the view that I have learnt from it and I give much less of myself to it now and that helps my perspective. Work doesn't give you back what you put into it, so don't put everything in. Good luck x

Yes, numbness has been nice. All I can offer is a hand to hold, I'm going through the same at the moment (my 3rd) breakdown and the advice to be open with HR and cry all you want and definitely tell them you feel victimised. I am a v senior HR person - we have a high rate of mental illness in the profession so you may well get someone with personal experience themselves. HR are not the enemy - let them help you - we have often been there our selves. Big hugs xxx

Could you ask for referral to Occupational Health if HR not helpful to help you during your bullying or failing that your gp could write you a fit note for reduced hours?