"Self care" - talk to me about what it is/ what helps you ...

[Queenofknickers]

I'm in an episode of severe depression and I know I need to practice "self care" but half the problem is I can't even really work out what this means to me (which is suspect is a big part of how I keep finding myself back in relapse). At the moment I can't wash, eat, dress let alone anything else. Where to start?

You've identified wash, eat, dress, they are good basics. I'd add sleep to that list (good sleep hygiene).

Have you come across Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs here?

I always worked on the principle that if clients were unable to either meet the bottom layer or recognise that they weren't meeting them then they needed immediate intervention.

If you are not eating or drinking when somebody cooks for you/makes a drink then you need immediate help. If you cannot sleep then you need help because lack of sleep will greatly exacerbate mental illness symptoms.

Neglecting washing etc is a sign of serious illness but it won't be an immediate threat to life.

Posted too soon.

You need to prioritise that bottom layer of Maslow- eating, drinking, eliminating and sleeping.

The rest will follow later. Maybe try washing hands and face before having something to eat. Clean teeth and change into clean PJ's after getting up. Don't worry about the washing for now.

Make a list and pin it up-

Get up.
Go to the toilet.
Wash face and hands
Clean Teeth

Eat
Drink.
Meds either before or after eating, depending upon what the instructions on the packet say.

If you can change your clothing but don't worry about washing clothing for now.

Make meals light and with minimum effort-heating soup, toast,, fruit, sandwiches. If you have spare motivation, make an extra sandwich to eat when your energy is low.

If you have any spare energy/volition then try to go outside for ten minutes (For Vitamin D and good effects upon diurnal rhythms).

Open your curtains and blinds and try to sit near the light from windows.

Set alarm clocks to remind you when to drink and eat- every couple of hours for fluids and a full half a pint glass at least.

Set a bed time. Change into night clothes (important for diurnal rhythms again, telling you the difference between night/day) then reverse the morning routine above.

A mner posted this years ago and I think it helps a lot.

I told my best friend and she helped, still is helping, enormously. I was afraid that I’d be told I was stupid, or pathetic, when she didn’t it gave me confidence to finally tell my dh, who has also been very supportive. It really does help to have someone to call when you need them and far from being sick of you, most people are flattered to have been confided in and are more than happy to help as it gives them a feel good buzz.
Do ONE bit of housework every day.
Living in a mess is depressing in itself and it can seem like a huge task when you list all the housework you have to do. But if you concentrate on one room, so for instance you vaccum the living room, it’s done then and tomorrow you can mop the kitchen floor. It’s a small sense of achievement but it really does help.
Buy some tonic.
You get depressed, you don’t eat, your body feels run down, you get depressed, etc etc. You need to break that cycle. If you have no appetite then go to the chemist and get some tonic to take every day so that at least you are getting some vitamins in you.
Get a diary or notebook.
Tie it to your telephone or somewhere obvious so you don’t lose it and write down all your appointments in there as part of depression is forgetting meetings or appointments and then feeling useless and crap.
Plan ahead.
Use your diary to plan events for every single day. You can go to the library one day, the supermarket the next and so on. Work a week ahead so that you always have something to do and you are not getting out of bed with that dread feeling of not knowing what to do that day.
Make your weekends special.
If you’re not working, weekends are just like any other day. Well make them something to look forward to again. Wear a bit of make-up, do something different with your hair, save some special weekend clothes to wear, buy some lovely underwear. If you look good on the outside you’ll feel good on the inside.
Get some ME time.
Make sure that at least once a week your partner/friend/family member takes your children off your for at least an hour. Use this to watch a DVD you want to watch, or have a long bath, or even just catch up on Mumsnet. Don’t be afraid to ask, people are usually more willing to help than we give them credit for and if you admit that you need a little help they’ll be running to your door!
Read a book.
It’s amazing how a book can take you out of one world and transport you to another. Turn off the pc and get stuck into a book. Good books can lift your mood.
Turn off the pc. No really, turn it off because a whole day on the pc feels like a whole day wasted whilst the washing stares at you accusingly. If it’s left on you are more likely to think “Oh I’ll just check so-and-so” but if it is turned off it’s more of an effort to get it started up. So leave it off and do something else instead.
Get out of the house every day.
Even if it’s just to hang the washing out. Get out of your front door and breathe the air. Drive to the next village to use the shops. Go to a different supermarket. Take the kids to the park. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Book yourself into the Well Womens Clinic. Most surgeries have one, or just ask for a check up. Knowing you are physically ok stops the hypochrondia that usually comes with depression. Or it can highlight a possible cause such as thyroids, low blood sugar or anameia. It’s worth getting yourself checked out.
Write down your worries for the next day onto a notepad at the side of your bed so that they are out of your head and you can sleep easier knowing that you won’t forget about them and can tackle them in the morning.
Music – mornings are my worst time and if the morning starts badly then it sets off a whole chain of events to ruin my day. So stick on the radio or your favourite CD and boogey along whilst making breakfast to lift your mood.
Organise the night before. Make it a routine that school uniforms are at the foot of the bed, packed lunches made, bookbags ready and homework done before the kids go to bed. There is nothing worse than having to make packed lunches or hunt for lost homework when you feel crap. Whereas a smooth, organised morning will work wonders for your mood – I even used to put their cereal in the bowl ready for the morning!
Exercise. It’s very hard to motivate yourself to do anything other than just curl up in a ball on the sofa. But do try because the adrenalin WILL help your mood and so will getting out into the fresh air to clear your mind. Walk to the shop for a loaf of bread, park half a mile away from the school, walk into town instead of getting the bus/driving, do a bit of digging or hedge trimming, anything you can think of to get your legs moving and heart pumping a little.
Keep a happy scrapbook of all the little memories you have and the good times. Little things that make you laugh, favourite holidays, people you love and who love you, funny incidents etc and keep filling it up. When you are down it’s easy to think it’s always been this way but the scrapbook will serve as a reminder that you have been happy and can be happy again. It offers hope out of the gloom.

Thank you everyone - I really appreciate your ideas and knowledge. It has inspired me to run a bath which is a small step I know but it's something. Thank you x

I've found meditation useful also, and when I've struggled with sleep I found meditating, or at least trying to do the even breathing and clear my mind, lying down either helped me drift off to sleep or even if I didn't succeed made me feel a bit rested and it feel like less of a failure to me that I hadn't slept.