How do I feel happy and content?

[SolidGold]

I've suffered with depression and have anxiety too. Also emetaphobia. Life is tough at the moment as dh has been out of work for six months and I work part time. We are struggling so much financially. However, most of the time we are coping, didn't go mad at Christmas but stuck to a very small budget.

I love dh although find his laziness frustrating at times.

However, I always feel like something's missing, but I don't know what.

I have few friends, really only 3, of which I see one only a few times a year due to the fact that she lives quite a distance away, and another friend doesn't have much time to meet up - she is a single mum and works fulltime.

Dh and I don't go out much due to financial constraints as dd is 12 and still needs a babysitter.

I have a job rather than a career, I've never been driven by the urge to follow a particular career. I've only been back at work for a year (after working for myself from home for about six years) and am still learning tbh so not very confident. I do enjoy my job, but have been warned that the boss is unreliable, lazy and takes no responsibility, apportioning blame on lower paid staff. It's a small office, so impossible to avoid him or go higher really, so I'm just being wary.

My hobbies are reading and listening to music. I knit a bit too. Dh likes us to do everything together, which is fine, but I don't feel like I exist on my own, I don't know who I am. I feel like something is missing all the time and I'm not sure what I want or how to achieve it.

I'm 49, peri menopausal and tired and achey all the time, having terrible issues with really bad period pain and IBS which I feel anxious about all the time and worry they will interfere with my job, but I am seeing a gynae in January so hopefully will get some help soon.

My two grown up children have moved out and rarely come home (one is abroad).

Not sure what I hope to achieve by posting here. Does anyone understand how I feel, has felt the same, knows a way of dealing with it?

In the past I've attended dancing classes - too expensive at the moment and nothing local (we live in a small village) - and yoga - I'm never alone to relax with yoga due to dh being around all the time.

Sorry for rambling on and thanks for reading if you've got this far. Apologies if I've posted in the wrong place.

I totally understand. Firstly, financial difficulties are insidious and can be an underlying stressor that just sits there under the dur4face, been there :(.

I also feel the same as you, we have our problems but no greater than other peoples yet I feel down most of the time. I am on ADs for anxiety and they do help. I look at other people and think why can't I be like them. Its difficult but im getting there. Little things help - a nice bath, good book, my dogs....sorry no realadvice just solidarity and place marking for whrn someone comes along eith answers xx

Thanks It's good to just know someone understands.

Yes, you are right about a bath or a good book. I've finally got round to reading Jane Eyre and am loving it. I have my dog and two cats and wouldn't be without them.

I have taken ADs in the past, but struggle with the side effects, so am reluctant to try again. I can't afford to feel tired and nauseous all the time.

I probably posted in the wrong place for many replies. Maybe I should request this be moved to chat? I didn't start the thread there, as I was worried about attacks from some of the more aggressive people on MN.

I wish there were ADs for anxiety that didn't bring the side effects, last time I took them (tried three different sorts) I was so tired I could barely move, I felt sick and had horrid vivid dreams. And the headaches!!

Anyone had better experiences with ADs and if so, which brand?

I just wanted to say that though my life circumstances are different ( 3 small kids, self-employed) I understand what you are saying and how you feel.

I have only just become able to admit that I am probably a bit depressed, certainly stressed, and not really happy.

Can you do a little tiny bit of voluntary work (for social purposes) and exercise (for mental and physical health).

Is there any prospect of your DH finding some more work and can you urge him to? Or both of you? Is your DH possibly a bit depressed too?

Just wanted to note my support. It sounds like you feel a bit stuck in a rut - your own feelings are valid. Just because other people are worse off doesn't mean you aren't entitled to be down. Can you plan something to look forward to? Doesnt need to be an expensive treat, just a change from the ordinary routine. A nice walk in the woods, a drive out somewhere. Just something different to look forward to at the weekend. If you don't feel well, take care of your health and be kind to yourself. Let yourself rest.

Yes its hard very very hard and there is a lot that could be seen as bad or a problem but there is also a heck of a lot to be grateful for!

This is your starting point! It's the small things that matter. Be grateful you have a partner, children who are safe and presumably getting on with their own lives. You are managing financially, its a struggle but your managing. You can see to read and knit, a lot of people can't! You can even enjoy it.

You have more to be grateful for than to not and you must must focus on this. You have the ability to change how you see the world and it can be done.

I have a history of depression and anxiety yet I have learnt and try my very best to be grateful. I can walk, I can get out the house. I have friends and family who love me and I them. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tummy and pennies in my pocket.

I am lucky to have all that I have and because it hasn't come easily I appreciate it more.

Its hard, I have my moments and so will you but at the end of the day I am not living in a Slum having to sell my body and soul to provide my kids with dirty water and rubbish food. I live in a country with health care, benefits and housing.

Nothing is forever. The only thing that is certain is that things change and move on. You will get through it simply because you have to!

Thank you Meryl and Yummy.

I can't really fit in voluntary work as from january i have 3 and a half days of paid work already and already feel so stressed plus need some time for housework, helping dd with homework etc and walking the dog. Also I need to be available to provide holiday cover for my colleagues.

Dh says he's not depressed - we were talking about it this morning - just frustrated. I hope he'll find work soon - he has applied for a perfect job and is just waiting for the people dealing with it to return from Christmas home off.

The problem with going anywhere is they always seem to want to take your money somehow! Usually by tempting children with food and drink We used to go out lots at weekends, but at the moment do nothing.

We have lots of debt and credit rating problems due to dh only finding contract work for the past ten years with months in between contracts without work where we used credit cards to survive. We can't sell the house to clear the debts until dh has a job as he will need references. Also our pets may be a problem in rented accommodation Its all very worrying and keeps me awake at night. Dh has been ignoring the problem and I had to deal with it, write to the credit card companies, explaining we can no longer afford to pay the minimum payments We have arranged lower payments now. But it seems like we will be paying them off for the rest of our lives. We didn't - and don't - have an extravagant lifestyle, but lots of time out of work. Dh is a bit too laid back at times!

Solidgold - may i suggest you contact one of the debt charities such as payplan, national debt line or CSCS (i think that might be called something different now). If you are already defaulting and have credit problems anyway it wont harm your credit rating to go into a debt management plan - we did this and it saved our relationship and possibly even more we were in such dire straights. OK so it will take us 11 years to pay off the debts but its at a managable rate so we don't have to worry about it. We literally have NO credit at all now but you'd be surprised how easily you manage. My DP is self employed too so i can relate to those arse clenching times when there is no money.

If you go into a debt management plan all you will be paying back is the debt as interest will be frozen. We were at the point of having to sell up or hand in the keys, dmp prevented this. Please PM me if you want any advice x

Thanks for the advice . We have arranged our own DMP and interest has been frozen, however, at the moment due to dh's unemployment we are only paying back £1 per month to each company.

I must admit though I like the thought of not having to deal with these horrid companies anymore, they are so impolite and want us to phone them to discuss increasing payments all the time.

Our credit rating has been ruined now for two years since the last time dh was between contracts, I don't want to ever borrow money again!