At what point did you seek help? Don't know if I'm coping.

[CheeryCherry]

I feel like I'm on the verge of collapse. I've been surviving on three or four hours sleep for the past few months, I wake in the middle of the night and can't get back off, so I get up and usually clean/do the internet food shop etc.
To sum up, my main issues are -
My dh has been off work since September with depression, is on meds which are very slowly beginning to work. He stays in bed a lot. We haven't told a soul.
I have been diagnosed with a back injury which can't be fixed, need to live with the pain. Will have to change my job which I love.The pain makes my life so much more difficult.
We are in so much debt, have put the house on the market to try solve this, but have had little interest as yet.
My dad has dementia and is on a decline now, my mum is struggling to manage him. There are big, horrible decisions to make.
I am a good listener, so now I'm worrying about various friends/ colleagues with suspected cancer/ marriage problems etc. I never offload, I find it difficult and embarrassing.
The only huge positive in my life are my fabulous dcs.
I can't afford counselling or any therapy. I don't know if I need it.
I just find my life so hard. I am hugely fat and I easily wreck my good eating days when I seek comfort food.
Do I just keep calm and carry on like I've been doing for months? Most of my issues are out of my control and I am living on hope.
Sorry about this epic post … and I don't really know what I'm asking!

What sort of help are you thinking about? You sound coherent, balanced, with a sense of proportion and energy I'm afraid!
You do need support and to be able to offload. You need someone to listen to you. And stay in bed when you can't sleep. Put on radio 4 vv quietly or a podcast. And channel that good listening into listen

Sorry.
Channel that good listening into listening to yourself I'm cross on your behalf that people are offloading on you when you've got no one to offload on.
What would happen if people knew about your husband?

Thank you for your kind reply. I do feel quite calm as I type, but I'm off work, have done akk the extended family bit, I'm going to try take a bit of time out if possible, even if its just a dog walk.
I can't lie in bed as my back hurts after a while. I usually mn or play candy crush (!) if I do lie in bed. But normally I get up so I don't disturb dh.
I just wonder when I'm going to run out of energy - I used to need at least 8 hours!
I'm not sure what people would think about dh... my family would worry but can't do anything to help, so I'd rather not say anything. Feels like I'd just be moaning!

You have loads on - sounds like you are doing a good job in v stressful circumstances and coping. Am sure your friends who share their troubles with you would be very happy to listen back which would help. Otherwise just try to look after yourself a bit more (or you will burn out). Have 30 mins a day for you - take dog for a walk, have a bath, turn your phone off etc. re:weight might not be the best time to diet but if it is bothering you use the 5:2 diet as you only need to keep your willpower going for 24 hours but still is effective. Good luck!

Thanks lisacol, I will try more time out but I always feel I should be doing something constructive!
I'm not a good talker, I feel like I'm moaning. And I can't see how it helps.
But thanks for your reply.

Poor you, no wonder you are feeling stressed.

Could you afford some acupuncture? It's clinically proven to improve back pain, and insomnia, and is great for stress reduction and gives you some time out from the house.

You need to look after yourself or else you can't sustain looking after others. i wish your DH would be more open about his depression, people that talk about dpression generally recover faster, it also creates huge strain on you.

Hope you feel abit better soon, this time of year is tough at the best of times

DDisco thank you. I love flowers!
I already have acupuncture on the NHS for tension headaches which is great. A physio has tried it on my back but it was ineffective.
My dh really has nobody to offload to - his mum would just fret and bother me all the time. His brother wouldn't be interested and would probably just tell him to get a grip. His colleagues know but no one has kept in touch.
It's all a bit grim really!
I just get fed up of doing everything, its exhausting.
Thanks for listening to me moaning!

Grr dh said he would get up at 11 and we would go on a blustery dog walk. Then onto my parents.
He was still in bed at 12.45 so I took the dog on my own. At 1.45 he was still in bed so I went to my parents. Have hurt my back doing jobs he should have done.
Anyone got any sand I can bury my head in?

Have you been to the GP for anti depressants or a counselling referral?

I can empathise with your situation as I have had chronic back pain for years and have just spent the last year being a carer for my dad who has dementia and is blind. He went into a home 3 weeks ago as I couldn't cope any more. It sounds like you are dealing with an awful lot and you definitely need some outside support.

Hugs to you.

You need to go to the gp. Not all counselling costs money. I went to my gp with anxiety and depression, feeling very silly and ashamed, clammed up as I too am not good at talking. I was referred to an nhs counsellor who was amazing. Go now, but be prepared to wait a bit or travel. It's so helpful to know you have someone who will listen and not judge you.

I hope you start feeling better soon. The first step is the hardest but once you've done that you are halfway there.

Thank you. I think my problem is that I'm unsure if I'm depressed or anxious or stressed...or just bloody exhausted with a lot on my plate. The underlying back pain is a constant drain too. I'm not sure how counselling will help? It won't solve my problems unfortunately.

Counselling is not a magic bullet. But it can help you put things in perspective, prioritise, ask for help, relax, stand up for yourself, detach and look after yourself. Can you see how that could help?

HelpYourself yes I can see it would give me time out to take stock, but it wouldn't solve the issues I have ie my parents, my dh, our financial state etc.
I must be missing something, I am being thick! I would just feel that I was having a moan...a bit like now Thank you for your help though.

One thing I've discovered over the years is, that at least half of my friends and colleagues have been on anti depressants or had counselling at, some point in their lives. You, may feel silly going to your gp but they won't find it, silly, they will have seen it serval times that, day already. You are coping with far too much by yourself, and in.pain. Put yourself first, for you're sake, and your lovely DC. ring your gp for appointment and get the ball rolling to a, happier you. Nobody could cope with what you have on you're plate without help. Thinking of you. And sorry for you're/your, bldy phone.

Minxthemanx thank you for that lovely post :)

You are very welcome, been there done that and got the t shirt. I realised how, many professional, working mums I know, who have needed help, at some point, and it puts it in perspective. There is no shame in it, it's a fact of life our hectic worlds. And the v fact you, are living in pain is yet another stress. There's only so much anyone can cope with and, stay sane. X

I agree with minithemanx, it is very common for people to seek help for anxiety, depression, etc. Lots of my friends have and it was finding this out which persuaded me to go.

I went this Sept, was given ADs and offered counselling. I feel so much better and wish I'd done it 2 years ago when I started not coping. It doesn't take your problems away, but gives you the strength to let you cope better with them.

ExcuseTypos I finally understand... the strength cope. I am coping, but only just and mainly because I'm on holiday from work. Dh's depression shows no sign of lifting - he got up around 4pm the past 3 days, having agreed to be up and out with the dog by 11. He's asleep on the sofa now. Need to push him back to the Dr.