Weird bad feelings

[Blippybirthday]

This sounds very vague. I suffer with severe anxiety which started after the birth of DS1. Anyway I now have a DD2 and once again have suffered with severe depression/anxiety postnatally (there are two years between them so haven't had much respite).

I have got trauma in my past, a difficult childhood and a diagnosis of t1 diabetes in my late 20s. I'm also unsure as to how I'm ever going to 'get over' the serious PND which has totally robbed me of the joy of having children.

I just feel strange for a lot of the day, but I can't explain the feeling which really upsets me. It's just really unpleasant - not on edge, not scared just awful but in a way I can't describe. It makes me feel mentally very unwell and I'm worried I'm never going to feel 'normal' again. It makes me feel isolated and alone as I can't explain it. Not happy, not sad, not scared - I can't label it in any way.

I feel unhealthy physically and mentally. I've had blood tests and even a brain scan to rule out anything serious and they've come back clear.

I feel so mixed up about life in a way I never did before having children. I feel broken and so worried I'll never feel fixed and this is me now. I feel like what's the point if we're all going to die anyway? Or get ill? I'm worried I'm on a mental and physical decline that I can't come back from - I don't even have the motivation to. Actually I do - I do really try but nothing helps which then leaves me feeling hopeless and like there's no way out for me. Exercise, healthy eating, positive thinking, ADs, CBT, counselling.

I know this is so vague. I just feel so alone.

I've turned into a selfish, self obsessed freak. I have an amazing husband, mum and two absolutely beautiful children but rarely think of anyone except myself and when I'm going to feel better, which I think is probably never. Actually I NEVER think of anyone but myself. I look after the children so that they're always warm, fed, clean etc but DH helps (a lot). I don't feel cut out for motherhood as I'm so selfish. I try to think about other people but then I just end up thinking about myself and my host of problems again.

This is more of a rant really.

Rant away. I am not sure I know the answer to this, but am more than happy to bump for you.

I think I know what you mean by a 'weird' feeling. I have this very often too. It can be all consuming and it does make me feel stupid. I feel heavy and like I have to fake being okay all the time - which is exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up into a snug little ball and fade away.

It sounds like you need to go back to your GP. They should help you to explore possible additional treatments.

I've been reading 'Shoot the Damn Dog' which is an excellent book which helps me understand my depression. 'Sunbathing in the Rain' is also very good.

You need to keep fighting darling. It sounds like you have a lot that's worth fighting for x x x

Hi

Do you feel your on auto pilot, regarding the coping.
It sounds like your depressed. Not feeling bothered isolated and thoughts about yourself all sound like depression.
You obviously do care,it the thoughts that are coming into your mind that's making you feel weird sort of like in a world of your own.

Are you on any meds? Have a chat with your gp maybe some cat might help

Thank you everyone. I don't think I'll ever find out what's wrong with me as I can't explain it. That's the worst bit. It's like it suddenly becomes painful to go through the day. If I could yes I'd go to bed and curl in a ball but I can't. I'm worried it's something biochemically wrong with me. I can only hope it resolves eventually.

have you tried changing your diet at all? Green leafy veg such as brocolli and cabbage? Or having a bit of a look at foods that might help adding or taking away from your diet?

Hi Golddigger funnily enough that's what I'm doing today! I'm doing a 24-hour fast to 'reset' and then going to try eating more cleanly. Half a plate of veg, quarter of a plate of protein and quarter of carbs.

Have you had any success with diet?