I've had some issues with my MIL and I feel that they all stem from the fact she is depressed and I just don't know how to deal with it/her.
For a couple of years (since her mum died/she retired) she's had some issues, cross with us about any/every thing. Sulking at any perceived slight. We were treading on eggshells whenever we saw her. It all blew up about a year ago when I challenged why she was sulking with me. I admit I didn't handle it very well and was cross rather than calm and rational as I had planned.
Cue her demanding an apology before she would see me/us again. I left it that I didn't feel I had anything to apologise about but whenever she felt like talking I would happily talk through matters with her.
We didn't hear anything from her for months (and she adores my DC so I was shocked as she had previously see them every couple of weeks). So I got in touch saying I hadn't meant for it to blow up like it had and wondered if she wanted to see us all lunch/dinner or whatever). Eventually she agreed to meet me/my DH and came round and cried/sighed and was clearly very unhappy. I suggested ADs which she was very cross with me about (none of my business apparently). She said she didn't feel like she could have/wanted a relationship with me. I persuaded her otherwise (we have 3 DCs who she would miss if she didn't see them). I said let's just take baby steps and try to get on again.
Anyway, we see her every couple of months (pretty much always at my instigation and with concerted effort). But she is always sad after and we get a call after (via DH dad (her ex) or occasionally to DH) saying how upset she is that the relationship is as it is and how she wishes it was as it was.
My dilemma is Christmas. We invited her for dinner but she refused, she said she will come round at a certain time though to do presents, see my DC. I've now found out that after she sees us she will be alone. She's with DHs sister in the am.
Should I try and persuade her to stay? Should I back off and respect her wishes? I've never encountered anyone with depression to this extent and just don't know what to do for the best. Any advice gratefully received, on Christmas and generally.