Need help to come down from this anger

[walkdowntheavenue]

Sorry this is long.
I'm heavily pregnant (36wks) and under a lot of pressure with various things, mostly work/finance related.
I posted previously about working right to end of pregnancy and only taking a couple of weeks off after baby as I am/was sole earner. DH has managed to secure work (yay) but in doing so has somehow gotten it into his head that he is no longer required to do anything around the house. I am fully supportive that he's new, in training, tired from work/commute etc BUT there was a list of jobs that he "never got around to" when he was off. There is nothing unreasonable in there I am not asking for painting and decorating, I'm asking for things like the pram/car seat be taken from the attic and cleaned. Even just the car seat at this stage.
Smaller things like he sticks on a wash or will help with dinner when he's here and at the weekends instead of making plans to be out everywhere else that we stay home get some bits ready for christmas/baby and some house stuff done to take the pressure off during the week. His response is he will get around to it. Fine, but we've been told that baby could arrive any day now, I've had a false start already. I'm supposed to be on bedrest, my iron is chronically low and I am in agony with pressure pain and spd pain.
So yesterday a row kicked off when he again told me he would get around to doing something I had asked several times over the last few weeks. He then walked out of the room as I was speaking to him.
I saw red completely and lost it, I was screaming and crying and telling him he needs to put me first, that 3 different doctors have told us both that I need to rest, I need to be able to give birth and at the moment I am burning myself out and despite this he is walking out when I'm speaking to him and won't do the most simple of things. I screamed over him not working and I feel sick with guilt over it but it just spiraled. It went on for hours and hours until I eventually cried myself to sleep. I woke this morning and was still in the grip of this rage and I can't shake it. I've gone for a drive, I;ve listened to music and my relaxation tapes, I've had a shower. I have done everything I can to get out of this red fog but I can't shake it. If he so much as looks at me or speaks to me I can feel it boiling again in the pit of my stomach.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression before and remember these rages well but I need to escape this one quickly. It's making me feel ill being so angry at him and I want to throw and smash things I feel so much pent up frustration.
Please help

Just seen this walkdowntheavenue. I'm hoping the typing may a taken a little of the edge off your anger...if not...keep typing and let as much as your able out.

I'm wondering if you go to the GP and explain your situation he may have you in on bedrest seeing as you are nearly due.

What do you think?

He might do but I don't think that's going to change dh's behaviour :(

Perhaps not but you may get some thinking time.

You can't change other's behaviour...only your reaction to it.

If you've always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got.

I wonder if you are so angry because you feel so hurt, are so very vulnerable at the moment and perhaps feeling neglected?
You get frustrated at DH not doing the things you want done because you are angry which feeds the cycle?
Are you able to talk things through with DH and perhaps focus on any underlying feelings?
Anger often underlies more vulnerable primary emotions such as feeling alone/neglected, abandoned, sadness, pain etc rather than actually being the source of your distress?

I haven't been able to talk to him today. I feel so much rage when I even look at him I've just asked him to stay out of my way.
He's now tiptoeing around the house trying to do these jobs and I've screamed at him to just leave it I'll do it myself. I don't want him doing them now because he'll expect that that is the end of the row and hurt he caused me without seeing how selfish and disrespectful he has been.
I called my gp today but can't see him until Monday. I really need help this level if rage is scaring me

Good idea to see your GP. However, in fairness he won't see how you perceive him as selfish and disrespectful, or how you feel he has been towards you, until you talk to him.
His efforts to do those jobs for you now may just reflect his desire to 'fix' the situation, and do what you have asked.
In this respect he is focusing exactly on what you are telling him you want - i.e. Do xyz chores etc. Saying you don't now want them done will only serve for confusion and further strife.
Your anger will eventually pass and you need to tell him what you really feel, why you get angry and what you really need from him, e.g. Attention etc.

I know this might sound crackers but put down your pride and try giving him a hug. It's not a competition and no body 'wins' in situations like this. You'll probably break down and cry but that's a good thing.

There you go...a bit of homework.