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help me understand anxiety

5 replies

hoppythefrog · 18/12/2013 16:44

DD soon coming home after 2 months in hospital for severe anxiety leading to suicidal behaviour. This was totally out of the blue. She has always been happy, healthy, popular, with a great social life, job, partner, house. I really need help to understand why this can happen so suddenly. It has turned our lives upside down, and i feel so frightened for her. Every time the phone rings i panic, in case its bad news.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 18/12/2013 16:46

Have the hospital given you anything to read, anyone to see, any help at all?
How old roughly is your DD?

hoppythefrog · 18/12/2013 17:02

29, her partner has info, and it seems they are getting planned support on discharge. We do not live close by, i want to be supportive, but dont want to land on her doorstep if she feels she would prefer to spend time initially with her partner to get used to being at home. She feels so guilty as she realises we have been so scared and anxious. We all feel we dont want to let her out of our sight, tho we know part of her recovery is feeling safe on her own.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 18/12/2013 17:38

I dont know much about this, so am posting until someone else with more knowledge than me comes along. And I did think that if she was nearer a teen in age, that the teenager board could help.

Do you have any clue as to why she has severe anxiety?

teawomen · 18/12/2013 17:49

It's a horrible illness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It happened to me suddenly. It's all stress and worry that mounts up over time. However wth myself I think deep down it was antinatal. Like your daughter I was all of those things you described above. I'm slowly regaining them. I don't think I was as bad as your dd but just wanted to let u know that she will get better. It takes a lot of time. Your right about her feeling safe on her own but it is nice to have company and talk about other day to day things. It's tiring being anxious ad sitting alone with our thoughts all day done me know good x

ProfondoRosso · 18/12/2013 18:03

Your poor DD, it's a terrible illness. Do you know if she has a diagnosis other than severe anxiety?

Don't want to hijack, but I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) which means the anxiety isn't about one thing (like work or money, etc) but it can attach itself to whatever you end up focusing on. I also have had suicidal thoughts in the past (really bad last year). I'm 29, so quite close in age to your DD.

The first thing I'd say is there doesn't necessarily need to be a cause of the anxiety - sometimes a convergence of behaviour, circumstance and chemicals just kick it off. With the right medication and therapies, it can be controlled.

For lots of people, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is useful. I found it OK, but have responded much better to mindfulness-based therapies. A lot of people are finding mindfulness useful, and there are great books out there. I use this one: Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World For me, mindfulness helps me be more at peace with this condition, which has the knock on effect of the anxiety being less strong and frequent. I also take medication.

Any therapy/meds are best discussed with health professionals, of course, but it's good to know there are a variety of resources out there. As far as going to see your DD goes, when I was ill I got a lot of strength from being around my parents and feeling safe with them. Maybe the best thing to do is keep in touch by phone or text at first, so she knows you're there, but ask her partner if he thinks she would benefit from you visiting. I'm so sure she would, but test the water with him. If she wants to speak about her feelings, let her. But if she doesn't bring them up, just be there with her - watch DVDs, curl up on the sofa.

Your DD sounds lovely - I'd place bets on her being a high achiever who asks a lot of herself and hates to disappoint anyone. That was me too. She can get better, but it's a process, one best done gently. It helps not to think of the situation in terms of sick/well, because that can breed thoughts of 'I'll never get better. This is it.' When that's not the case. It's shades of grey, a spectrum which she'll go up and down, and with the right help she will learn to live in a way that she feels comfortable with.

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