Can't stop thinking about all the things which might be wrong (in my head)

[Thaleia]

Hi,

I have/ had PND after giving birth to my DS. I wished it away till I told my husband I would really, really like to kill myself as everybody - incl. the baby - would be better off. I had a few sessions of therapy and it kind off was ok. It still is, kind off.

I am now pg with DC#2 and a complete mess again. My DH is very supportive and I have lots of help from my mum, although she struggles with her own demons and we don't always get on that well. But she's looking after DS and is very loving towards him.

What gets me, is all the things which now became mountains in my head ... DS is 19months old and only on the 25% percentile for height but just below the 91st for weight - will my fat, short son ever find happiness? He isn't talking either, after being slow at starting to walk as well, how will we communicate when the new baby arrives in just 3 months? And, my precious first born, how will he cope with a new baby, will he hate him? My DH and his brother did not get on till there were about 30 years old :(.

So much other crap going on as well, new baby is fricking huge, DS#1 was ecs after being breech all the way and I am so worried about giving birth now.

I don't know, I just feel so low :((

Giant hugs to you. Pre and post natal depression is an absolute fucker.

I can sympathise with being worried for your DS. It's natural for a mum to worry, but small, big, tall - what a kid is like at 19 months can be nothing like how they are when they grow up. Lots can change in 3 months as well, so hang in there.

There's a lot of worries going on there. Do you have a good midwife you could talk to? There should be someone who is good at dealing with depression in pregnancy, or at least be able to support you.

Hi sorry you struggling.

My son is only a bit older and I worried about his weight. Then the HV and friends with older sons told me many are chubby at this age but usually go back down the centres as they get older! In fact my HV will not weigh toddlers to stop parents obsessing about centiles ( my son had to be weighed for a medical procedure!!). If it encourages you my 22 month old son has only walked for 6 weeks ( learnt at 20 months), is not talking much and all dh's say he is absolutely ok!!

Can you ask your midwife to refer you to a MH midwife for support - each team usually has one, often based centrally. May be worth asking to see your HV for a chat, as being reassured by a professional may help you. And you can ask fri extra support if you need it too from them as they have access to different forms of support than gp's.