If I can put on a happy face, can I be depressed?

[MutantHunt]

I don't think anyone who knows me would say I was depressed. I'm a smiler. I get involved with things too - I'm doing loads of volunteering and some studying too and I get pleasure from these things. But when I'm on my own and not focusing on something intellectually absorbing, I fall apart.
I don't open post, I don't answer the phone, my house is an embarrassing state so I don't invite anyone in. I'm filled with feelings of dread, guilt and panic. I can't be bothered to cook. I stay up far too late, often lurking on MN. When the DC are away at their father's I often stay in bed and cry. I have far too little patience with the DC. I have a few friends but I keep them at arms length and I've driven others away by being awful at communicating.
I feel I should go to the Dr but I would smile and joke as I told my tale and would be sent away and told to go for some walks. Also I get myself worked up enough to make an appointment but then bottle it because I know it will be more than a week before I will be seen. I tried recently only to find that I'd been deregistered because I hadn't replied to a letter!

A lot of the people I know with depression are very good at putting on a good face - I have heard it referred to as a mask - we hide from the rest of the world behind the mask.

Do go and see your GP, and try to let him see behind the mask - and hopefully you can get some help and r/l support, if you do have depression.

Hi - what would you like out of the Gp appointment? What would help you manage things how you would like them to be when not doing the absorbing activities? It is useful to think about how you want things to be and how you think you can get there and what help you need so when you go to the Gp you can get out of it what you want. It might give you the confidence to book the appointment also, as you can see a purpose to it?

If you could tell the Gp what you cannot do and what you would like changed that might help them see behind your coping mechanisms? You can tell them what you can do as well.

Write everything down, and dpnt throw the note away or "lose" it.

Then give it to the GP.

Yes, of course you could still be suffering from depression. I do this, but my Dr could see past it. They even saw through it on previous visits before I brought everything up (anxiety and depression).

Good luck, definitely write everything down, and give it to your GP (I did, it was fine).

Yep, ironically the more depressed I feel inside the cheerier I am on the outside! I call it 'the mask'.

I put it on as in leaving the house and it comes off as I walk back through the door at the end of the day. It's a great coping mechanism, any GP with an ounce of sense will see through it if you're as honest as you can be about how you're feeling

Thanks for your comments. I will try to make a GP appointment. I think I will try to write things down - although you've sussed me out Goldigger I do "lose" things and "forget" things. People see an incorrigible scatterbrain whereas I'm busy sabotaging my life.