Just don't think I have the energy...

[IcyFaire]

I'm really struggling. I have, by my own diagnosis, SAD and some kind of anxiety. Maybe it's a bit more than I thought or maybe I'm having a shit time just now. I've spent most of the last two weeks feeling like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I feel trapped (by nothing in particular) but at the same time I hardly want to leave my house. It's shit.

I don't suppose you'd know it from the rest of my postings as I generally stick to light and fluffy on here, barely venture out of Chat.

Was at the end of my tether yesterday, even though DS spent the afternoon at nursery. I was meant to Get Stuff Done and I went into town to shop and get power cards topped up. Only I forgot my purse. Well it pretty much spoiled my mood to do anything in one second, so I went to the restaurant I work in and had some lunch (we're allowed a small tab) then went home and did fuck all. Meant to wash and do some tidying. Went to get DS and as per usual he switched from happy and smiley the minute we got in the door to tired, crying, demanding, hitting. I feel like I'm breaking him. He is always so happy at nursery I want him to be happy at home too! He's stopped wanting to do all the fun things I imagined I'd do with my child, colouring and craft etc. I'm lucky if I can engage him for the time it takes to do a jigsaw. I stuck his cartoons on then went to lie on my bed for a minute to clear my head. Well he came through and started jumping on the bed, then DP came home and I ran away and hid in DS' room in the dark and cried

Was dying to call in sick to work but it's not like I'm vomiting everywhere and we had a Christmas party to serve and I knew they would need me! Plus I need the money just now, and work usually is useful to take my mind off stuff. Last night though every minute I wasn't actively doing something I could feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm in again tonight. I don't know how sympathetic the boss will be if I tell her the truth, I don't really want to fake a bug; I did tell my manager how I was feeling last night and he kindly took on the Christmas Party which he had wanted me to serve!

DP and I are suffering, I'm always tired, never really want to be intimate, we had a little chat last night but I have all these things I feel like I want to say and then when it comes to it my mind just goes blank or they seem too trivial to bother with. His first port of call was that I should go and get a script for anti-Ds which I really don't want to do! Pills don't solve anything IMO I'd just be stuck with them; how do you know you're well enough to come off, I'd just be on them forever. And getting steadily increased doses I assume. Plus I'm crap at remembering to take pills!

Urgh this is turning into a bit of an essay. I have to take DS to nursery (Usually work today but thank god I've got lunch off!) Thanks for reading if you got this far. I don't really know what I need or want to do. But I feel a bit like I'm stuck in a giant wok. A wok FFS

I am sorry that you are feeling so low, but I think that it would be a good idea to go and see your gp. I would suggest that you have FULL bloods done, including thyroid function and vitamin d tested. If you do have SAD then it maybe that your vit d levels are low (vit d can be prescribed). Rule out any other reasons for your lethargy, so urine and stool sample too. Once you know what you have to work with then you can do an action plan.

There are herbs that may help such as st johns wart (takes a couple of weeks to 'kick in' and can make you photosensitive from bright sun light), but it is always best to rule out any other reasons first.

Anti d's are not the only route that can be offered, counselling and other talking therapies or support groups are options via your gp. If you are inclined towards alternative therapies then acupuncture, shiatsu, and Chinese medicine may be helpful as these work on the entire system (holistic). Seeing someone that works on spinal realignment can help, again some gps can point you in the right direction here.

Looking at diet and food items or culinary herbs can help to elevate mood and energy levels. So foods that are very deep green (spinach, nettles) and those that ate very purple as in purple cabbage, beet root, blue berries etc. Eating enough unsalted nuts and seeds can help with omega intake, and foods rich in zinc are benificial at this time of year.

Hope that you feel better soon

Thanks for your reply Theoldhag.

I had been reccommended St Johns Wart by a friend but never got round to getting any, I'll try to remember to get some. Last time I went to the GP about (anxiety) it was when DS was a lot smaller and I wasn't getting good sleep still. They basically just fobbed me off with 'well you do have a young child etc etc come back if it doesn't improve' and it did for a while... I would much rather have counselling but at the same time I don't think my problems are really worth discussing, there are people with much bigger issues who could have that valuable time. I don't know what I would talk about and again I think my mind just goes blank, all the things swirling round in it suddenly vanish and I can't articulate them. Even here and now I still feel shit, but I can't quite put my finger on why and type it down!

I was taking vit-d heavy multivitamins and echinacea but have slipped in the last week or two, feeling a bit like they haven't made much difference so what's the point? And upped my fresh fruit and lowered my caffiene and sugar intake too. I was sick about 8 times last winter, which is why the echinacea and have so far fended off all the flu/cold/rubbishness I had then. I thought it was helping keep the SAD at bay too for a while but I still feel like crap!! Two nights ago I had a massive sweetie binge and yesterday crashed i think don't seem to be able to keep on the right track for keeping myself healthy

Never feel that you are taking up someone else's place re counselling. I am a trained psychotherapist and would never think that a client was not problematic enough iykwim. You would be surprised at how many people say 'I wouldn't know what to say' when in the right setting with a therapist that they feel comfortable with most people tend to find the hour flies! I did however once had a client that actually did not speak for the whole of first 4 sessions (out of about 30)but when she did after that wow! She said it felt good just having that space to be , who was I to break her peace!

I often recommend (not in psychotherapy role obviously) that people take
Tumeric and Ginger on a daily basis for good overall health (worth looking those up), they are classed as adaptogenic herbs. A teaspoon of each powdered mixed together in hot water is the easiest way of taking them.

Don't feel bad when you self medicate by binging on goodies, but do try to make sure that if you are eating chocolate that it is the dark 80/85% ones. There is many beneficial chemicals in very dark chocolate, ones that have shown helps illnesses such as ME/CFS and also SAD.

You sound as though on the whole you are doing lots of positive things to help you. Keep it up! Uncooked veg is excellent for the winter blues and will help if snacked on to boost your immune system along side echinacea.
When you do cook, try thinking of adding those 'Christmassy' spices, such as cinnamon, nutmeg (garam masala mix) etc they are all very 'warming' for the body's systems.

Most if all be kind to yourself.

Ps never be fobbed off by gp, alway push and expect help.

Thankyou. I see you are a busy woman on these boards, what a great job you do.

Will get DP to bring me in some Green and Blacks, Harry Potter would approve... (And all the healthy stuff too. )

Going to mix up echinacea and have multivits now again. Get back into the routine of it. Then go to bed for a bit..

I'm all lost, my mind is a mess. Can't focus on anything. Getting wound up over silly things.

Icy deep belly button breaths (four rounds of 'four fold breathing') when you are feeling panicky and overwhelmed. Take little steps and do not expect to much from yourself. You will get there, it takes a while for that vortex feeling to subside, I think that the 'key' is to recognise it when it starts, then purposefully take a step back.

I have to go now but I am sure someone else will be along shortly to offer a hand to hold and some support. Keep posting and get your feelings out there, you will be ok (hug)

Just so many things to grumble about, none of them particularly big or damaging but they are all here and not getting sorted.

My neighbour, who is nice half the time and totally unreasonable the other half, and has previously bitched at us for making 'parking difficult' by parking too close to their car, has just told me he plans to keep 7 work vehicles in the 15 bays outside which serve 12 houses. Whether that's temporary or permenant I don't know but come on man... hire a yard! :S I'm of a mind to complain although not sure who to, Council, HA, can anyone do anything?

It's just going round in my head and not much I can do except get on the blower to the HA.

I'd rather wrap presents and drink tea though so that's what I'm doing. And still need to shower before work.

Just spoke to DP on the phone. Apparently some stuff I said last night 'didn't add up and shouldn't be happening', don't know what that means but going to talk after he gets home from work.

TBH he was much more sympathetic last night, although his suggestion wasn't something I want. Usually he acts like I should pull myself together. Dunno if he's going back to that or more helpful suggestions. I want them to actually be helpful... He will probably retreat and not offer any more if I am too negative though. Urgh

And where the fuck are my Christmas labels? Yes the ones I bought this year because I can't find the ones I had left from last year fucking hundreds of them arrgh