Anxiety fixated on one person

[SomeDizzyWhore1804]

Hi all

I wonder if anyone has any advice for me.

I'm 28 and have one younger sister who is 25. She was born deaf and has mild asbergers. Despite this she has done really well- got a degree and is very high functioning. Her problems probably manifest themselves most as being quite socially immature for her age- if you didn't know you'd probably think she was 18 or 19- and she's quite shy but she does okay.

She lives at home with my parents and works part time as a teacher. The problem is me really- I worry about her a lot.

I am a very anxious person and worry a lot anyway. My mum is very anxious and so is my dad- probably why they are together- and growing up all of the family anxiety centred around my sister. I can't ever remember a time when I wasn't worried about her. I worried when she was at school because it was a school for the deaf and I didn't know how she would cope there and them when she went into mainstream schooling I worried about her then because I worried she wouldn't cope. I worried about her studies at college and her studies at university and I've worried about her friends and how they treat her as she can be quiet and easily walked all over.

My issue I suppose is that my worry gets no better as she gets older. I am married with my first child on the way but I still worry about my sister like she was seven. I worry that she can't work full time (as well as the ab and hearing problems she has some health issues that aren't serious but are debilitating) and I worry about her lack of independence as she lives at home. I worry about her when she's out on the tiles- even though she's 25!- as I imagine you worry about a 15 year old being out.

I know that I drive her mad with my worrying. I drive myself mad so I appreciate it. I get very worried about her being out of contact and going out with new people and of her being taken advantage of. I don't know why- it's like I've got stuck in a worry cycle about her and I can't break free from it. I worry about her as though she were very fragile is the only way I can describe it.

My parents are much better with her than I am. They seem to be able to streamline their worry in a normal and rational way. I find it hard to do this. But I wonder if that is because I have "taken on" the worry for them.

I have had therapy for anxiety and mentioned this but it wasn't explored further. I'd love to be able to break the cycle of worry and fear over her- for us both. Does anyone have any experience of anything like this and can you help?

Many thanks.

You sound like a lovely sister. That's the positive. I have a history of worry and anxiety since I was a child...though it has now improved a lot. I worried so much about my first child (now 9) that I wasn't able to take much pleasure in her for a few years.

I can't really pinpoint what improved it but I THINK it was the birth of DD2. Having somewhere else to focus really helped me....maybe when you have your baby, things will improve....when I begin to worry about something I do something....crafts help me enormously as they're repetative and calming. Things like hand sewing, watercolour painting and papier mache. I think there's a good reason that crafts are used in therapy.

Sorry I can't help more I just wanted you to feel not so alone.

Thank you so much. Yes I do suspect it may improve when the baby is born. I just don't want to out all my anxiety on the baby!

The craft idea is a good one. I normally relax by reading but when I'm in an "anxious pocket" I find it impossible to read or watch TV or anything.

I know that feeling. Don't worry about worrying. Your baby will change your life so much....why not focus on making some toys or perhaps a patchwork quilt for their arrival.

It really makes me feel so much better that someone else feels like I do. I've been anxious all my life and always felt quite alone in it.

Oh it's quite common! I'm surprised nobody else has been along to say they'e the same...I've seen lots of anxious Mnrs over the past few years!

It's a modern scourge really....the lifestyle we lead, coupled with expectations and materialism have led to this....I try my hardest to enjoy every day for what it is...we get very little time on earth...I make sure that I notice the sky, the leaves, the flowers and the animals....I try to smile and be pleasant to people on the street...it takes the attention from myself if you know what I mean.