I really do need some help, coping strategies.. hoping someone can identify with how i am feeling and tell me how to cope when you feel on the verge of a breakdown. I have been feeling like this on and off since i divorced my exH. He left in 2009, when ds was 18mo. I had PND. He was EA. I was so strong to divorce him and i was in a much better place, then i met someone new and had unplanned pregnancy, miscarriage and it was awful relationship, he became violent on one occasion and i ended it. It was hard and he near enough stalked me for over a year. I last saw him around 5 weeks ago.
My emotions are all over. Sometimes none of it feels real. I feel like Im living in a dream, Im detached, i feel like i dont know who i am anymore. I know i am changing as a person and part of feeling this way may be because i am adapting to this? But some people still treat me like the old me and that person doesnt exist. Does that make sense? I feel a strong pain. It has to be depression, Im teary, I feel alone. No-one knows, from the outside i am living a normal life. My son is happy, i go to work. But i dont feel part of anything. I feel like i have exhausted all options and im not ready for cbt, trying to do self help. But it just doesnt sink in and ultimately, i end up back at square 1 and feel the same. I feel trapped and like i am never going to get out of it. Then i can have a good day, but it returns. i dont feel in control of it. do i need to take a huge step back? At times I panic then other times i cope with things very well, like hosting a party on my own for sons birthday. I just want to feel stable and on the right track .. and remain there! Help?