Why are weekends so cack since having children? Fed up

[bacon]

I feel as though I am suffocating. Weekends are no long 'special' they are an extension of the week and I'm feeling so miserable.

Friday night is another cook, clear up, sort then I'm sat in front of the TV, Saturdays are a non event, hubby works either in the workshop or on the land plus we have a house renovation, he would never not work.
Cook breakfast, lunch & tea - clear up. The two boys need to be outside they are not the type of boys you can take shopping, too wild. Before you know it its Sunday and the wheel of cooking, planning and clearing up starts again.

Apart from the odd party I'm so fed up, I'm lonely and bored and use FB to sit in front of to entertain me. I say I'm lonely but honestly I don't have enough spare time to munch around so much to do. I dont feel I have anything to say, I'm not the jolly giggly mum like the others in the school. I do socialise well though but people think I am happy and have a great life.

I feel as though I have lost the will. Its hardwork living here with running a business and being rural. My hubby has no idea he just tells me to get on with it there is no help from him the boys only go to clubs if I take them. I do everything to do with the house and admin for the business.

I havent many friends (I have tried to make new), many of them I have drifted away from far to materialist, some have no children and lets face it at the weekend they do the proper family things.

I really have got myself in a muddle and have been blessed with two mad healthy boys which I find hard to manage by myself if I take them out.

Hubby does nothing to make the weekends special, he never offers to cook, get a bottle of wine, or plan anything (unless I do it) and now I am thinking I have to go back into the kitchen to make tea to make a nice meal for my family. We are too exhausted to go out in the nights and family baby sitting means we have to rush back to please them (sometimes its not worth the bother). We like most have a budget.

Oh the joys with Christmas coming up!

Hi, that is often the reality of family life. Sounds hard with renovation and land to deal with. Perhaps you need to sit down and discuss the jobs needed to be done in your family and who realistically does what. Bit of give and take on both sides.

That is why I have a job, to step out of housework stuff as I find it suffocating. A brief escape anyway.

I feel your pain. I spend the week looking forward to the weekend and the weekend waiting for the week. Both are pretty shit. Can't even watch X factor in peace. DS is all over the place.

Okay. Batch cook in the week so you have an easy meal for a Friday night. When we're proper budgeting Friday night is fakeaway night - eg 99p Aldi pizza and garlic bread or a curry from the freezer with naanand popadums

Tell DH the situation cannot continue. You all sit down together for all weekend meals and you all clear up afterwards (unless the boys are babies).

On Saturday night you do family film and popcorn. Ringfence time outside together eg Saturday morning 9-11 you go for a walk etc and you all gather for meals and film and DH can work around that. Sunday morning they bring you tea in bed.

No one works past 6 on Sunday night.

Bit Waffly but all things that have worked for us. We always have a nicer weekend if we stick to some sort of plan.

You're not alone bacon. I spend most of my week looking forward to the weekend because it's "different" but it never is . The only difference is that I can have some (try not to drink too much in the week).

I've made a resolution to myself today to try & make more of an effort with OH as I feel like all the fun is passing us by at the moment! Can you talk to your OH & explain how you feel - something like "I feel like we need to make the weekends a bit more special & make some time for us as a family."

Can you not agree with him that he works only half a day on the weekends? Make some time for you to go off by yourself for a few hours - bit of shopping or a little pamper ( something cheap obviously). He could spend a bit of quality time with the boys - which I'm sure they'd love as well.

Hope you're ok - I feel like I'm stuck in a bit of a downwards cycle as well at the moment.

oh gosh I will say Im relieved when theyve gone back to work/school on mon and its just me and DD, easier all round we can please ourselves. But I can get a break at weekends, we do take turns and we do stuff together as a family.

Your OH sounds very set in his ways. Maybe time to compose a very well thought out letter to express how you feel in an non threatening way. My DH was never very family focussed, he is now but we wet through a lot of crap bascially to get to where we are now (longer story) I learnt about 'working at a marriage'. You sound like you want to but your DH is oblivious, you need to get through to him that in order to be a family you need to do 'stuff together'. What was his childhood like. Also counter long working hours with, it can be counter productive over time re tiredness and concetration.

What Ive found and try to drill this into DH, I 'front load' the day - feed easy brkfast I get older DS(8) to help. I get them out I dont care what they dressed as (no fussing type of approach) I take them to swimming, soft play, park, bikes. Then come back and have an easy lunch whether it is beans, or sandwiches, leftovers. Then in th afternoon they are happier to do their own quieter thing while I grab some quiet tme myself.

I agree meal planning to save the grind of cooking - I used to love cooking and food shopping even, now it is such a bind...so I get that.

But I would say you should book a weekend (at least one night) to go and see a friend or family member and leave your DH to it. its sounds like you need to recharge your batteries.

How rural are you? Is there anything near at all you ry different - its easy to get stuck in a rutt - since cold weather Ive discovered the library (has a play area) for older one I say read a book or two then he can have PC time there.

How old are your DS? I find outside time is the best way to make my kids happy. Their faces just light up if I offer to go outside even in our small garden. We go out everyday when I'm at home, even if I do stand about in my coat getting cold. In the park, hunt for treasure, pretend games hiding in the trees and if they are older, have you tried geocaching (google it - my friend's 5 year old DS loves it for exploring). I used to hate being outside freezing, but I've found that joining in makes it a lot more fun. We do a big Friday night cleaning session for an hour or so, which means we don't have to do that on the weekend. I am lucky my DH helps around the house.
Might not be your thing, but have you tried getting some time for exercise for yourself. I started running (yes, running, might sound crazy, it did to me but decided to give it a go) with a great website (up and running women's group). I only do half an hour out twice a week but has made me feel so much better. I don't always run, sometimes just walk. it's fantastic me time and although I really have to drag myself out, it makes me feel much better than the TV.
I too find it hard to make new friends and I live in the city. It's just difficult when the kids are small and everyone seems to have a great network of friends already.