Feel like I'm going mad

[Queenmarigold]

I have baby twins and a disabled older child. DH has been unfaithful to me in the past. I have had medical issues and body image issues since having babies and can't have sex ATM.

I'm feeling more and more insecure in my marriage. DH is spending a lot of time and effort on himself. I am less and less attractive since pregnancies. He says I'm controlling, I'm horrible to him, I shout at the kids.

I am finding myself hating him more and more. I dread weekends, I hate home being there, getting in the way, making a mess, screwing up the routine. I hate it all. Mon-fri it's fine (mat leave). However I have to go back to work soon and I will be away a lot. So I have more worries and insecurities about that.

So;- is it me? Is there something wrong with me? How could I tell- and how could I fix it? Advice and support would be great please x

You might be best putting this in relationships.

You are neither going mad or have something wrong with you as far as I can tell sitting at my computer. Your reactions and feelings are all normal, bar perhaps the body image stuff[depends how bad they are I suppose]

Your first line of your post is enough for anyone to deal with, let alone the second.

Thanks- didn't want to put it in relationships as all you get is people saying 'leave'. I can't. I can't manage it all on my own and work as well. Trapped I suppose.
Got some anti ds off the dr today, hopefully things will improve.

Hi, I put something similar Ish in relationships and it made me feel worse than I have felt in a while so if you are feeling shakey I can see why you may choose to avoid it. I am similarly trapped for now at least, I have two children and the older one has sn, my dh felt I was not in love with him earlier this year (I was just knackered and finding it hard to cope fgs) and had an affair. Given the choice I would leave , not because he is a bad person usually, he is horrified NOW by what he did and doing everything he is supposed to do but because he can't change what he did and that is the problem.

It is incredibly hard and I totally get the trapped thing, I don't hate my husband being here as he is very helpful practically but I hate what he did and that I am forced to live with it as I wouldn't manage alone. I really mean this too, its not just the depression , I have help when he isn't here as it takes two adults to keep the situation manageable at my house. I have one back to work, admittedly part time but I have to say it has been a really good thing for me, it helps me think of other stuff and distracts me from how much I hate him and obsessing over how much she has messed my life up and then walked away scot free etc etc.

It's not at all abnormal to feel like you do, I think it would be very unusual not to from the sound of it.

Hating him I mean! I am soon to get anti depressants too, hope they help but am angry at my dh that his actions have tipped me from barely coping to not coping at all. You have a lot on your plate, its very reasonable to need support and it doesn't sound like he is giving you that.

I can fully understand posters not wanting to post in relationships.

I hope that the ADs help you to cope better.

What would you like to do about your marriage?

I was posting to the op, but sounds like you are much in the same boat too batterylow.

Thanks, wasn't critisising (sp?!) your suggestion at all btw, I just had a bad experience, also had some very good advice there but found the very abrupt discussing of what my dh had done very disturbing at the time so have stuck to here and special needs board since. Maybe anti depressants will help it all seem a bit clearer with any luck. I find it easier if I focus on the children and distract myself with out looking too far ahead but its not easy.

I found going back to work after my maternity leave was the only thing that saved me from complete insanity (I don't use the term lightly having had 2 psych hospital admissions!).

Maybe once you are back in the workplace and things feel a bit more 'equal' between the two of you on that score you may feel less annoyed about him getting in the way and suchlike.

As for the other issues, self esteem sounds like a real issue which is completely understandable to me so soon after giving birth to twins, being out of the workplace, your partner cheating on you, medical problems - you have a lot on your plate and you need to go easy on yourself.

Only you know whether your husband is causing you more stress than you separating would do. Is he understanding about depression and anxiety?

Not understanding at all. Am hiding tablets as if anything did happen he'd use it against me. I do feel a bit better but it is really hard. I feel like I'm living a pretend life you know? Like I'm pretending everything will be ok and it won't really. Weird.
But yes being more equal and going back to work will help in that way, thankyou x

I presume you mean that your husband slept with someone else while you were married?

Have you got parents that you can move back in with?

No, I have no family round here and am tied to schools locally.