Increasingly Paranoid & Anxious

[mumaa]

I have always been quite a sensitive person but for the last few months i have been struggling.

When my DD was born I found it very hard, probably not unusually, our baby had bad colic for about 4 months and then started early teething, she barely slept and i just remember wishing it would get easier. It has, and it could of course have been much harder. It is still difficult, but imagine parenting will always be a challenge.

Now that i have emerged from the initial chaos, I have found myself scrutinising my life. I feel like i have lost my identity a bit, i feel like i am not good enough as a mum, as a worker in my DHs business, as a friend, as a sister. I went out with friends 2 weeks ago and i am still over analysing in my head some of the things i said.

None of my friends have DC and i worry they will find me boring, i get nervous when there are silences and i tend to talk too much to fill the gaps. I found myself prattling away about all manner of nonsense, i could almost hear myself saying "stop talking" in my head, but my nerves and probably the wine, kept me yapping away.

i spoke about my DBs tendancy to expect various members of my family to babysit so he can go to work and its becoming a bit of an issue with some family members. I fear i came across very judgemental and frankly, i shouldn't have been speaking about this. Its not even my business.

i feel bad, i am going over and over it in my head, i feel bad for talking about the situation and i feel that my friends probably think i am judgemental and not a nice person. What is wrong with me?

You got through a difficult period in your life and emerged intact. Good for you.

Now you have got more time to think, possibly too much time. Have you got things to occupy yourself, baby wise or otherwise?

Thanks golddigger I think you are entirely right, I have too much time now to think about little things and I worry I don't offer anything. We are generally quite busy, have activities with the little one as well as general day to day. I am presently working 1 day per week, I have looked into some more work, casual hours as DH can only have DD 1 day per week due to work commitments.

Also, some stuff has been going on in my family, for some reason I seem to be focusing on really small things, I don't know if it's my way of keeping my mind busy to not think about the big stuff. I don't know, I just haven't felt like myself lately, maybe I am just dealing with things a bit strangely. I definitely think I need to keep busier so I have less time to dwell on things.

I have an anxiety disorder and a book called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook helped me a great deal. You can get it on amazon and if you have a kindle or iPad the ebook version is ideal as no one can see what you're reading. Basically you will need to commit to doing things like affirmations, exercise, yoga, meditation, etc but you choose he programme that's best for you. It really works to reduce anxiety and I highly recommend it to you. But if you're going to do only one thing, physical exercise like running, long walks, going to the gym, etc helps a lot with anxiety.

www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572248912/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385756506&sr=8-1&keywords=the+anxiety+and+phobia+workbook

notjustacigar thank you so much! I will definitely look into this book! Good advice about exercise also, I don't have a car so walk everywhere with DD in pushchair but when I worked FT I went to gym 5 mornings per week and that was good for me.