Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

everything going wrong

17 replies

fee25 · 28/11/2013 15:25

ive just split up from my partner of 5 years on sunday, we have a mortgage together and two kids. ill have to take my name off the mortage since i cant afford it and put my name down for a council so alot to sort out. then i got told this morning am getting discharged from the mh team which couldnt of come at a worse time cuz i really dont know how am gonna cope with this break up :(

OP posts:
Messupmum · 28/11/2013 17:48

Did they say why you are being discharged?

KungFuBustle · 28/11/2013 17:52

Hugs for you. I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

With the mortgage don't just accept taking your name off.You and your children need a home. See a solicitor and get advice on what you are entitled too from the marital assets. Plus you need to be careful of the council deeming that you made yourself homeless.

The relationships board is a fantastic form of support with the practicalities of seperation as well as the emotional. You could start a thread or just read others if that's what you wanted. Things like money, documents and ensuring things are split fairly.

Can you explain the circumstances to your team and ask not to be discharged yet? You will cope and get through this, it might not feel that way but you can. That you're being discharged shows you've overcame difficulties and made progress in the past. It's normal that this feels like a big thing, anyone would agree, you can do this.

In the meantime I'm a fan of lists. Write what you need to arrange, solicitor, childcare, mh team and approach one by one. Baby steps, not one huge problem but more manageable jobs. Don't b shy of asking for help with the jobs. Ask a friend to help with childcare for example. Yourchild's nursery or school may have things in pplace that could help, after school clubs and sure start links.

Thanks for you. Stay strong, you can do it.

fee25 · 28/11/2013 18:45

ive been to the council, thinking about going privste let so i can choose where i want to live n they said i would get help with payments

they discharged me because i have a personailty disorder n there not the right people to treat it, i just said last week when i saw her that i was feeling really low n thinking about self harm n now am getting discharged n now i have no idea how am gona get thru this :( i have no friends n now no partner so am gona b even more lonely than what. aleady am

OP posts:
KungFuBustle · 28/11/2013 18:56

You have everyone here for a handhold Fee. I understand you feel lonely but you are not alone.

Do you have a nice GP? Perhaps they could refer you to some on equipped to help. Samaritans are good if you feel you need a voice on the phone or you're worried you may harm yourself. They can't give advice as such but they are another pair of ears in addition to us.

HoopHopes · 28/11/2013 19:41

sorry to hear.
Also agree with also posting on relationships board for advice on mortages/finance/benefits/rent - as lots of experience there. You can keep your health out of that post if wanting help with practical things.

Have you been to see a solicitor for advice or to the CAB for advice also/

fee25 · 28/11/2013 21:38

ive not seen a gp since july and shes left now my hv is coming to see me next week mite see if she can help me

where about is the realtionship board on this page cant find it anywhere

OP posts:
KungFuBustle · 28/11/2013 22:08

Relationships board is there. Not that you're in the wrong place here, just that there is a goldmine of wisdom there too.

Your health visitor sounds like a great place to start Fee, maybe register with a new gp too (health visitor may be linked to a surgery), you need to look after yourself, body and soul.

You said you were choosing where to live. Have you anything in mind? Garden maybe or near somewhere you like to go with the kids like a favorite park? smile

KungFuBustle · 28/11/2013 22:08

Sorry Smile

fee25 · 28/11/2013 22:19

my little girl is at nursery so would like to live near there so i dont have to take her out of it cuz she loves it there, been looking at private lets but alot dont accept housing benefit and without that i would struggle, i work weekends but cant work anymore due to childcare am worried sick. where am gona stay and it doesnt help with me feeling low and that before off all of this n getting discharged from mh team when i need them the most the now

OP posts:
KungFuBustle · 28/11/2013 22:45

Housing benefit will be paid directly to you, your benefits are your business. You don't have to say.

It's lovely that your wee girl enjoys nursery. Would be great to live near too. You could expand your social circle once you felt up to it. Maybe if you're really close you could have some play dates.

If you can't work due to childcare there will be help for you. Your ex will have to make a contribution and there are benefits in place for you too. Tax credits may cover some childcare if you felt you wanted to work, and there are benefits if you felt you would benefit from being a stay at home parent.

At the moment it may all feel very whooosh and all at once. But there is support and help for you all. As a previous poster mentioned there is citizens advice bureau who could talk you through some options in terms of finances.

You'll be a housing priority with the children so you will have somewhere to stay, if you don't want to wait for HV to sort out the mh team don't be shy of rocking up at the gp tomorrow and asking for help there and then. If you need it now you need it now. It might not be mh team straight away but gp could help in the meantime.

Messupmum · 29/11/2013 09:37

I rent privately and the benefit goes into my account and I pay the landlord, so they don't have to know. You will get help whether you work or not, personally I've found I'm better off working p/t but unfortunately can't work much at the moment and money is tight.

Can they discharge you because you have a pd. I have bpd and that terrifies me. But I've got a feeling that could happen soon, just got a feeling.

fee25 · 29/11/2013 10:05

i work but its only 8 hours i am thinking going private let more than going down the council route

they said they cant help me with tht n i would be better of with phsyology (sorry dont know how u spell that) but they said its a huge waiting list, feel like i could really use some support right now

OP posts:
Messupmum · 29/11/2013 11:08

They should support you until you start psychology, and put you on the waiting list! That's what they did for me. I think people with pd's need a lot of support as it's so hard to live with. And that support needs to be a professional who knows about mental health.

I work 8 hours too, you can claim income support and housing benefit on those hours, and increase your hours when dd starts school. Make an appt at the job centre, or fill in a claim form online?

fee25 · 29/11/2013 11:42

thats what i thought aswell, when i saw the physcoligist yest she said she was writing a letter to my gp saying there discharging me, but my last app with my mh nurse is on monday, do i think if i explain my situation she will contiue to see me?

OP posts:
Messupmum · 29/11/2013 12:03

Worth a try! I'm stressing about it and it hasn't happened to me yet. It's hard to know what's the best thing to do when your minds all over the place.

fee25 · 29/11/2013 12:10

i dont understand how they could discharge yiu wheb your not feeling better or even worse in my case. if i was feeling better then i would inderstand but am not and they know that but are still discharging me. ive always felt lonely and no with no partner i feel even more alone :(

OP posts:
KungFuBustle · 05/12/2013 23:49

Sorry for not replying sooner Fee. Dropped out of my active and just worked out how to advance search on tablet.

Was thinking of you today.

Are you feeling and further forward? It's awful that you feel you've been left to cope alone. Can your ex offer any practical help?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page