I have felt low for a long time on and off. I was with my ex husband and towards the end of us I lost weight (which is not a bad thing!), I was very very tired, went to A&E several times thinking I was having a heart attack, heartburn everyday, pins and needles in my hands when I woke up could not feel anything. Then outbursts of crying. It was hard to hold down the job I had. Im now feeling the same. I moved away from my home and family 2 years ago to be with my partner. It was hard I had DS and had post natal depression I was on my own. I then got a job 1 year later which was fine and my house rented as well. Then this year the child working tax credit went down and my mortgage for my house went up. I was left thinking oh fucking hell. went to see the bank they lent me some money. 15K this would cover the shortfall and extra chilcare costs. (As we would be better off next year) since then my long term tennant is leaving this Saturday I have no tennants although its being advertised through 2 agencies. I have a new job closer( saving 100quid per month) to home been there for 2 weeks. Really miss my friends from my old job. And my dad is mentally ill back where my house is. He is lonley and I feel really bad. my mum lives in that area too as do all my family. If I could get a job and move back I would then split the family up. If I stay here well I dont know. I filed for a DMP that going through. I keep getting panic attacks and horrible thoughts of if I die everyone will be sorted then. The house will be paid off my DS 1 can live with his dad and step mum and little sister. But DS 2 would be left with my partner and his family have been nothing but horrible to him since we moved closer to them (they paid the deposit on his house where we all live). Im lost totally fucked off with everything and want to be sedated for a few weeks. I worry about my kids, new job, dad, my house, money everything is too much. I feel Im on the way to a nervous breakdown. I shake and get upset easily sometimes scared feel exhausted. I have been docs as it gets worse near my period hes given ny some hormone to take. I feel drained. sorry that went on forever. I ramble when im nervous as well....