Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

So sad about Christmas

9 replies

SolidGold · 26/11/2013 19:40

I just feel so sad about Christmas this year.

Dh has been out of work for five months, I only have a contract for four hours a week! Although I often work a few more. We are struggling, as we are still trying to pay our mortgage.

So I can't spend much on my children. We have three children, two no longer live at home, eldest is very understanding, knows the situation and is a student, so has no money herself, but middle child doesn't seem to grasp how little money we have (he told his older sister he's going to ask us to pay for flight tickets for Christmas, albeit cheap tickets, for him and his girlfriend. There is no way we can afford that, I'm just planning on a little present for both to the value of £10 and £20). Youngest dd aged 12 is sadly quite materialistic, I know it's our fault, but I don't want to go on and on to her about being poor. She thankfully had few wishes this year, one being a minecraft hoodie which I have ordered for her. She also wants a kindle and I have asked her grandparents and aunt and uncle to contribute, so we will be able to get that for her.

However, that is the extent of our family. My parents spend £30 max on each child, dh's mum spends £30 max on youngest dd (not anything for the other two, as they are from my previous marriage, although both have lived with us!), they are all living on pensions only, dh's sister will send £20. Only other family is my half cousin, who sometimes sends £10 voucher for youngest dd, but sometimes doesn't. She has two children I send £10 vouchers to, but not sure I can afford that this year.

So my children will not have anything else and we (dh and I) will have nothing. Well, maybe a calendar and some chocolates from my parents and a cheque for £10 from MIL. Dh and I don't buy each other presents, in the past we have just treated ourselves to a book shop trip after Christmas to buy a few books as we are both avid readers.

I don't want lots of things, but just feel sad that this family event will just be us and that youngest dd will be all excited, but have very few presents. I have picked up some bits from poundland, mainly sweets, to go in her stocking. She also asked for Converse, but I'm putting that off til her birthday in April.

Eldest dd won't be home for Christmas (lives abroad) and ds will only drop in briefly with his girlfriend. My parents may come, weather permitting, MIL and dh's sister's family are too far away, they never come here and we are unable to leave our pets alone to travel there and also dh's car wouldn't manage the long journey at present, it desperately needs to go in for repairs, but we can't afford at present. Plus the cost of the petrol would be too high.

Everywhere I feel I'm surrounded by people buying lots and lots.

Dh isn't looking forward to Christmas at all, he's very cynical about these celebrations that become very commercial. He's not bothered about doing anything special. I usually go along with this, hate the full shops and the fact it's all about spending. But this year I'm going to have to make it special for youngest dd in other ways, i.e putting up the tree etc. Any ideas how I can make Christmas special for all of us?

I struggle with depression and anxiety, particularly when worrying about money and I'm finding it very difficult to stay positive at the moment.

Sorry for rambling on. Please don't think I'm greedy, I just want it to be a lovely family experience and special for youngest dd.

OP posts:
fluffydressinggown · 26/11/2013 20:02

I am sorry you have so much stress and difficulties at this time of year. I think Christmas can seem to emphasise all the little things in our life that are not as we want them.

Can you make things with your younger daughter to help make it special?

I am sorry I don't have much advice, just wanted to offer some support.

SolidGold · 26/11/2013 20:49

Thank you.

I don't really know what to make with her. When she was little we made paper chains, now at 12 she's a bit above that sort of thing! Doesn't even really like baking with me Sad

OP posts:
SolidGold · 28/11/2013 17:06

Youngest dd will now have one more present, as gp have bought pyjamas.

I'm glad we have an artificial tree, so don't have to worry about that expense. Dh doesn't want to go in the loft to get decs down, he doesn't enjoy Christmas.

OP posts:
Jemma1111 · 28/11/2013 18:35

Please try not to worry about the presents because children grow and only remember the love and care they received from their parents , along with the quality times they spent with them and not the gifts they received .

SolidGold · 28/11/2013 20:12

Thanks Jemma. I know you're right, but would still love to give them more than we can. More than that, I just wish we could have a nice family get together, but there's barely any family! I also wish all my children could be here Hmm

OP posts:
Jemma1111 · 29/11/2013 16:23

Hope you're feeling a bit better today OP

SolidGold · 29/11/2013 19:31

Thanks Jemma. Not really, still wracking my brain, what I can do to make Christmas special.

I'm trying to think of free things I can do with dd and gifts I can make for her and her siblings for free. I might look for a Turkish delight recipe...

OP posts:
ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 29/11/2013 19:49

If you're struggling to meet your mortgage payments, you could consider temporarily agreeing a reduction. Bit of info here.

More for temporary breathing space and peace of mind than enabling you to splash out at Christmas - although you couldn't be blamed for using a bit of freed up cash to buy the odd treat for your DD.

I do feel for you and I hope things get better soon; but I'd have thought, if one of your older children is working and living independently, he might put himself out a bit and make some effort for his little sister, rather than stressing you out droppng his own hints.

SolidGold · 29/11/2013 20:22

Thanks Shotgun Smile Very useful link Smile We did call our lender and asked if we could change our mortgage to interest only, but they said they don't do that anymore Hmm Soon we will have to offer them a reduced payment and hope they accept.

Ds is very immature for his age and although he generally has £800 left after outgoings, he never has any money left a week after payday, it all goes on booze cigs and going out with his girlfriend. Because he got into debt with pay day loans a few years ago I have been helping him out with food shopping to avoid him making the same mistake.

I feel I've done a poor job of raising my children Sad my eldest is wonderful, but always struggling financially, but never asks for anything, the other two are unfortunately a little greedy and inconsiderate. I am having to be harsh now, as I have nothing to give them.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page