I just feel so sad about Christmas this year.
Dh has been out of work for five months, I only have a contract for four hours a week! Although I often work a few more. We are struggling, as we are still trying to pay our mortgage.
So I can't spend much on my children. We have three children, two no longer live at home, eldest is very understanding, knows the situation and is a student, so has no money herself, but middle child doesn't seem to grasp how little money we have (he told his older sister he's going to ask us to pay for flight tickets for Christmas, albeit cheap tickets, for him and his girlfriend. There is no way we can afford that, I'm just planning on a little present for both to the value of £10 and £20). Youngest dd aged 12 is sadly quite materialistic, I know it's our fault, but I don't want to go on and on to her about being poor. She thankfully had few wishes this year, one being a minecraft hoodie which I have ordered for her. She also wants a kindle and I have asked her grandparents and aunt and uncle to contribute, so we will be able to get that for her.
However, that is the extent of our family. My parents spend £30 max on each child, dh's mum spends £30 max on youngest dd (not anything for the other two, as they are from my previous marriage, although both have lived with us!), they are all living on pensions only, dh's sister will send £20. Only other family is my half cousin, who sometimes sends £10 voucher for youngest dd, but sometimes doesn't. She has two children I send £10 vouchers to, but not sure I can afford that this year.
So my children will not have anything else and we (dh and I) will have nothing. Well, maybe a calendar and some chocolates from my parents and a cheque for £10 from MIL. Dh and I don't buy each other presents, in the past we have just treated ourselves to a book shop trip after Christmas to buy a few books as we are both avid readers.
I don't want lots of things, but just feel sad that this family event will just be us and that youngest dd will be all excited, but have very few presents. I have picked up some bits from poundland, mainly sweets, to go in her stocking. She also asked for Converse, but I'm putting that off til her birthday in April.
Eldest dd won't be home for Christmas (lives abroad) and ds will only drop in briefly with his girlfriend. My parents may come, weather permitting, MIL and dh's sister's family are too far away, they never come here and we are unable to leave our pets alone to travel there and also dh's car wouldn't manage the long journey at present, it desperately needs to go in for repairs, but we can't afford at present. Plus the cost of the petrol would be too high.
Everywhere I feel I'm surrounded by people buying lots and lots.
Dh isn't looking forward to Christmas at all, he's very cynical about these celebrations that become very commercial. He's not bothered about doing anything special. I usually go along with this, hate the full shops and the fact it's all about spending. But this year I'm going to have to make it special for youngest dd in other ways, i.e putting up the tree etc. Any ideas how I can make Christmas special for all of us?
I struggle with depression and anxiety, particularly when worrying about money and I'm finding it very difficult to stay positive at the moment.
Sorry for rambling on. Please don't think I'm greedy, I just want it to be a lovely family experience and special for youngest dd.