Suicidal thoughts

[PepsiBubbles]

I have suicidal thoughts pretty much every day it's just normal for me now. But today I feel really bad, I just want some peace, it's so tempting just to swallow a load of pills or cut my wrists. I just don't want to be here anymore. Truthfully I get the urge to hurt myself a couple of times a week and I feel so bad right now, I just want to cry and there's nobody to talk to.

Please tell me this is going to go away soon.

My ex psychiatrist use to say that if you have felt fine before you will feel so again. He was right. I was very ill for several years but got healthy again. (got ill again but surely getting better this time too!!!)

You could call the Samaritans and have a chat if you feel need to talk.

I've been thinking about phoning them but don't know what to say. How do you start a conversation like this off over the phone?

Just seen this.
I dont know how you start. But they listen to people every day of the week.
And they are trained.
And I should imagine that if you rang, and didnt say anything, that they would start gentle questions with you. Even if you chose not to say anything at all.

Sorry. Realised that you may already have spoken to them?

No, I haven't spoken to them. I chickened out. I can't really speak to them tonight now, everyone's in the house now but I feel a bit better now. It's just frustrating to have to go through this most days.

Stay strong xxx when you are feeling positive make a list of all things that's make you smile, no matter how insignificant. Write how it makes you feel and why... Then when your dark cloud appears read the list over and over.

Sorry about this but I feel really awful again today. I honestly just want to close my eyes, go to sleep and never wake up. I phoned my boyfriend and he wants me to go to hospital but I don't think I can step out and face the world. I don't want to waste anyone's time.

Can someone go with you to A&E?

You are not wasting anyone's time, you are unwell and hospital may be the best place just now - you would go there if you had broken your arm, unexplained tummy pain etc. The only caveat is the wait - you may wait along time. Can you make an appointment to see your GP? Are you on any medication at all?

Suicidal thoughts don't always mean you want to die, but it is very very scary and you need help with it - I have battled with this on and off and its hard, but you can get better - it may take counselling, it may take medication but thats ok, you'd take asprin if you had a cold.

If it helps could you tell us what is upsetting you? You have a BF so that is good, he clearly loves you, what about other family? Could you ask your BF to go with you to A&E?

You can talk to the samaritans, or you can email them, you don't have to worry about what to say, they are trained to help and i think most people put the phone down the first time they do it! I have spoken to them in the past and found them very lovely, they even came and took me for a cup of coffee once - that small kindness has stayed with me, i'll never forget it.

Right now you need to keep yourself safe, but in the long term, you will feel better.

I've just tried ringing Samaritans but couldn't speak so hung up. Feel like a right idiot now. I would go to A&E but I've been reading on another site that I'll just be wasting their time and they have more important issues to deal with which is true. I don't want to waste anyone's time.

How about your gp? An emergency appointment.

That's just it - I don't know what's upsetting me. If I had a reason at least it would make sense. I've taken antidepressants before but they didn't help. I've taken them for months at a time so it's not like I wasn't giving them chance to work either. I've had periods before where I would feel suicidal for a few days a week but now it's almost every day. Then there are times where I don't want to die but I don't want to live either.

What do you even say when you go to A&E? "I haven't actually hurt myself yet but I think I might" would they even be interested if I haven't done anything yet?

Go and get a referral to a consultant if your gp has run out of ideas.

arggh, cross posts, its ok - you don't HAVE to talk to the samaritans, but you know they are there if you feel they can help.

You ARE important and you are bloody important actually, you are having suicidal thoughts and whilst you are probably fine, some people go on to kill themselve, that is about as much of an emergency that there is, you may as well present with a heart attack in terms of danger. The issue with A&E is that they aren't always best equipped to deal with mental health issues but if you really don't feel safe thats the place to be, they can set the ball rolling in terms of getting you help.

Can you call your GP? get an emergency appointment, i know they are as rare as rocking horse shit but trust me, they exist, you do not have to tell the receptionist, just ring, tell them its urgent and you will see any doctor - you can write down how you are feeling or print off this thread. They will have heard it all before sadly, it is very common.

I went to the doctor with suicidal thoughts, i got seen by the MH team pretty quick and put on the list for counselling, had medication, i am doing ok - don't have the suicidal thoughts now and getting on top of my anxiety, it takes time, but at the begining they phoned me every day to make sure i was ok.

i have to go out shortly, but will check back on this thread later to see if you are ok. You don't have to do anything, but you CAN ring the samaritans again, if you put the phone down again, so what, but eventually you will hear a voice that will make you comfortable enough to talk. Its ok xxxx

You tell them you don't feel safe - they absolutely cannot send you away if you do this.

Here for you xx

Well once again I've started to feel better. In the end I didn't go to A&E or phone the Samaritans but did end up crying lots. My boyfriend has said that if I ever feel like that again I have to go to hospital. I bet he's regretting getting involved with me now.

I am glad to read you are feeling better pepsi - maybe think about seeing your GP and asking about counselling, there are serveral kinds but something like CBT can really help with unwanted thoughts xx

Can I just post about how silly I feel? Yesterday I woke up early feeling okay but then in an hour or so those horrible feelings of hurting myself came flooding back. It hasn't just been thoughts about swallowing loads of pills and killing myself although that has happened a lot too but it was also just wanting to hurt myself and cause pain like getting the urge to throw myself down the stairs or breaking my arms or swallowing stuff like nail varnish remover.

In the afternoon, despite my protests my boyfriend drove me to A & E as he couldn't watch me all day. I ended up waiting four hours before I actually got to see someone in there and there were people in there with actual injuries and I felt like a right idiot because I was there and I wasn't actually hurt, just thinking about hurting myself.

After being assessed that I wasn't a suicide risk anymore, I was given the option of having the crisis team involved or just going back to my GP and I chose the latter. I didn't want crises team coming to my house. As I'd been waiting anyways the thoughts of hurting myself had actually gone away mostly anyways. I had even thought about leaving the hospital beforehand but have read that if you go in feeling suicidal and leave before you are seen to they send the police out to bring you back.

I just felt very silly afterwards and still do a bit. I felt like I was wasting everybody's time and now I keep reading elsewhere that going to A & E simply because you want to hurt yourself but you haven't is just a drain on NHS resources.

Please don't feel silly and you are NOT a drain on NHS resources, i thnk its pants that people in your situation have to do that, but there is often no other option.

I think what has happened is that you are being plagued by unwanted negative thoughts and this is very common, but can be really shit because it becomes a pattern of thought that is hard to break. I used to visualise standing in front of a tran :( Still do sometimes but i can recognise those thoughts for what they are.

I think you need to go to your GP who can then refer you for counselling, they can help you with techniques to adjust your thinkingi patterns so that you don't get this and when you do, nip it in the bud.

It is not silly, it is fucking unpleasant and you don't have to feel that way - do make an appointment to see the GP, going to A&E will have been a good thing because it may mean that you get to see a counsellor sooner xx

Yeah I've had counselling before and it helped a lot more than any antidepressant seemed to. However because it was on the NHS I only had six sessions which didn't give me a chance to go through everything. I need to see about getting some more though.

notsure - Jesus. Let's hope you never have any mental health problems or are ever suicidal. Suicidal thoughts can be life or death and A&E is somewhere that can keep you safe. Have some compassion.

Absolutely agree with freckledleopard.

Suicidal thoughts and feeling sad are poles apart. A&E cater for people like Pepsi as well as people like you.

Your thoughts are laughable.