therapist behaving badly?? URGENT help plz!

[noonar]

Hi, i've been seeing a pschotherapist for 10 mnths, and, have plucked up the courage to tell her that tonight is my last session. trouble is, i know that she's going to try to talk me out of leaving.

have been going for depression, but mainly anxiety. tried to leave back in jan, but she told me in no uncertain terms that i wasnt ready. when i gave notice over the phone last week, she did the same. and implied that unresolved issues wont go away and could come back with avengence if i dont carry on going.

have made it clear that i dont think i'm 'cured!', but need a break and cant afford to carry on atm. i feel she's being a bit manipulative, trying to press my anxiety button. 'what if you leave and get worse..?!'(she didnt actually say that)

i know she has to give prof opinions if she thinks it'm not ready, but she seems really annoyed with me for leaving. am dreading tonight as i know what she's gonna say. help!

Agree it sounds as if it could be manipulative. Put it in writing and just don't go back!

shes out of order and is playing on your insecurites, id just not go and report her practice.

i dont know what kind of help you need but im attending counselling at minute for which i was refered by cbt counseller via docs..im sure you could get some 'free' help.
good luck

thanks to both. trouble is, she helped with some very sensitive issues (when i was at a v.v.low point that) i know i could never disclose to anyone else as just coulnt face it. so, dont want to burn my bridges with her as i may need someone to turn to in future. i'm just so disappointed that she's changed her tune with me now that i'm going. she's been great up to now.

but she shouldnt be using emotional blackmail to keep you there.
as harsh as it sounds, shes just doing her job re listening to your most private problems..shes not doing her job by keeping you hanging on

i know you're right, evesmama, but think i will bite the bullet and go tonight, otherwise i'll feel like i've severed my life line. (sorry about all the cliches!) it's just the question of what to talk about. think i'll just say that i've made my decision and would be glad if she could offer some advice/ b supportive of me going it alone.

well try and say something like you dont feel like you have anything new or constructive to speak about now and that your happy she is saying shell be there for you, but you feel(and thats one thing she cant tell you)you would like to try and see how you get along now seeing as though she has helped you so far?

thats a good angle, EM, thanks!

the only other time she's upset me was months ago. dd1 had a fall and had to go to A and E by ambulance,so i missed a session. the nxt week when i asked if i owed her for the missed session, she just said in a v.matter of fact, cold voice- 'you have a copy of the terms of our contract'. the general pattern seems to be that she's supportive as long as it doesnt affect her finances!

hmmm..ive said what i think, but shes your therapist, just dont let her keep an emotional hold on you..i personally thikn shes using your problems and depression to her own advantage

thanks EM

any therapists out there? what do you think?

Hi there, sounds a bit fishy to me.
From what I know all therapists at the start when they meet you aim to give a time frame for how long they intend to see you.
I have a recently made friend who was with a therapist for 7 years when I learnt this I pointed him in the direction of someone else who was professional that was recommended. Initially he was reluctant but he looked into it and sure enough a time frame was given.
Implying issues wont go away if you don't see her, is very manipulative. There are many good therapists out there whose aim is to help their client then see them leave their services!
I don't like the sound of what you write.. I would make a complaint.. aren't psychotherapists registered?

the only reference to time she makes is repeatedly saying that its 'early days' when i make the point that i've been coming for a while.
is 10 months at £40 pw early days!?

Not quite the same but we have been seeing a speech therapist for approx. 18 months for DS1 stammer. I decided that the time had come after all this time for us to review the therapy as did not seem to be getting anywhere and at £60 per hour I was just spending heaps with no results. I had the same sort of response and felt very anxious about doing the right thing as I was told more or less that I must carry on with the therapy if my son was to stand a chance of gaining control. This made my mind up that you should be allowed a break in therapy without feeling you are doing yourself/child an injustice. They are there to support and encourage you not to make you feel under more pressure. I am glad I decided to stop, give us some breathing space and then decide what to do going forward. It does make you feel more empowered. The trouble is if you keep seeing the therapist under pressure not only will you have the initial issues but you will feel crap and end up resenting them anyway. Good luck!
X

i dont understand why you havent been refered by docs and are paying such a shocking amount(and for speech therapist?)
can your doc(respectivly) not refer you?
mine only took a few weeks to come through, she gave me time scales and said she could increase or decrease to my liking??
am apaled they are wringing you dry for such a thing

thanks for both your posts. have now had my last session and she was nicer to me than i was expecting. i started off by being firm about my decision to leave, and i think that once she realised my mind was made up, she didnt give me such a hard time. i suspect that she might have thought before that i'd cave in under pressure. i'm relieved, but a bit nervous about going it alone. but feeling unable to leave was not a good reason to keep going- iyswim!

well although this place can sometimes be the wrong place when your going through depression(from experience)..if you do feel you need to chat there are plety of us here, who will listen..and i will only charge you a kingsize mars barfor my time

and well done for being strong..you proved her wrong..good on you girl

thanks EM, you're a brick. what did you mean about this being the wrong place to be?

in the past ive posted on depressed threads or rahter started them and i got so self absorbed into it even though the advice was all fab..when your low, sometimes you get into a rut and too much sympathy does you no good, but that was me and my threads..you may improve and feel much better posting on here..i really hope you do
what ive done in past is once ive started a thread and got all the good advice..i just lurk for a while or have a little break to get my head together, the advice is fab, i just needed to step back and put it all into action.
im 'good' at moment as im on list for cbt and going to 'search' counselling..so am positive
we (an lots of others) may be able to help eachother now
sorry to sound all cult like

that makes sense. am actually quite good myself atm, glad you are too

Hi

So glad that you were able to take control of this situation Noonar and to resolve it so positively.

Speech therapy has just undergone huge cuts EM. I think that I heard that GPs are now only able to refer under 5's on the NHS. It's such a tragedy as it can have such a positive effect upon so many areas of someone's life. It's still worth asking to be referred via the GP, of course - and of writing to your MP to complain about the recent changes in policy too.

that's very interesting fio, she certainly never did that!