Feeling a bit overwhelmed! (Long)

[Weegiemum]

I have a longstanding history of severe depression (both postnatally and at other times). I also have bpd (borderline) though I've had 4 years of treatment for that and am doing pretty well - I still have my weak points but it's a massive improvement. I've been off medication for over 2 years now, and coped even when I developed a rare nerve condition which means I have hospital treatment every 6 weeks to keep me walking about!

These last 3-4 weeks have been increasingly stressful for a whole variety of reasons - I honestly have seen trolling with less extreme scenarios. My stepmum (been my mum really since I was in my teens) was diagnosed with breast cancer, my brother got married (which was lovely but 400 miles away and on a Thursday), at the wedding my "real" mum who I've been NC with for 8 years turned up after she said she wouldn't, then my dsm had her mastectomy, at the start of this week we found out that my fil's long term partner has only days to live due to a heart illness, so we're rushing off there this weekend but will have to stay with mil who is always snippy about anything to do with fil (even though they've been divorced for 20 years), then yesterday my niece was born prematurely, about as far away as you can get and still be in the same country.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. Maybe I should just get a grip? That panicky "I don't think I can cope" feeling, can't eat, can't sleep properly, constant indigestion, things going round obsessively in my head. I used to self-harm but that's not a problem right now.

I'm not sure what I can do. I've been trying to do all the things that I learned in my therapy, mindfulness, journaling - what I really want is to go for a run but I can't run any more! In the past I would have had a drink or several but I'm not doing that again!

I'm not actually very sure what I'm asking - I'm just putting it out there I think. I'm terrified that I'm attention seeking, so I'm being very careful to listen to everyone and try to be there and help out. I think I just need a bit of reassurance. Dh is great but he's really busy at work right now. Thank goodness there's nothing up with the dc right now but I'm aware that they are worried and about to be bereaved too! as fil's dp is lovely and they're very fond of her - so I'm trying to keep it together for them too.

I feel like yelling Stop The World, I Want To Get Off!!!

Hopeful little bump?

Oh sounds an awful set of circumstances that would be enough to test anyone out. Sometimes when life events hit it can help me to realise it is normal to struggle and feel sad/anger etc etc. whether have mental health issues or not sounds like a difficult time.

A psych told me once that bad things happen in life and will happen and the trick is to learn how to manage them ( eg ok to cry, feel sad, moan about people etc, do things for yourself ...)

Thanks Hoops.

I get what you mean about allowing yourself to feel - that's something I find very hard. My feelings and thought patterns have been so out-of-kilter for so long that I'm not always sure what "healthy" sad, angry, worried etc actually feels like.

And especially this weekend, the feelings in the complicated in-law family will be running very high!

I would say it is ok to not know what is a health feeling as well, being overwhelmed, confused and hurting I imagine would all be thrown in there. I had a particularly difficult set of experiences to face last year and it has taken me a while to realise that feelings are a spectrum and no feelings or any feeling is ok and a lot of what I felt was normal too!! Just because I had MH difficulties does not mean others enjoy or cope any better with the difficulties of life. I found I was blaming everything on my MH and not realising that life is tough and we all face it differently if you see what I mean.

Joel weekend goes as well as can be.

Blimey that is a heck of a lot of stress to deal with Weegie. No wonder you are having anxiety symptoms . Hoops has wise words .

Can you write a priority list maybe in your journal? It helps to clear your mind and mentally put some perspective on what needs to be dealt with now and what can wait a while . Seeing your mother at the wedding must have shaken you very much and that will naturally linger . No wonder you feel so overwhelmed . Then to add to the maelstrom you have poorly relatives you need to see . You are so not attention seeking ! I feel for you very much

All i can suggest is that you keep doing the mindfulness and get outside when you can even for some deep breaths . Slow down those thoughts hopefully . Soda water is my standby for churny tummy . Boots do an over the counter med called sleep-eze which is anti histamine based for sleeping which is good I find . Look after yourself -that is so not being selfish . Get oven ready meals that sort of thing ...a nice bath tonight . Wish I could be wise and say better stuff.

You are doing just fine with a huge list of stressors my love . Take care and dont let MIL reach your inner soul with her snippiness this weekend . Breathe deep and let it wash over you like a wave . This awful time will pass .
take care .

Thankyou for such lovely words

I've got a list of things to do now (great advice), and have channelled my nervous energy into getting things tidied up for going away - I detest coming home to a messy house, though it doesn't appear that I have much trouble living in one .

Today I have to : (either me or get a dc involved!)

Pack for me.
Get dc to pack (they're 9,11,13 so can do it pretty much themselves).
Give small furries enough food&water until friend can come tomorrow.
Get dc to sort out things to do at Grannie's house.
Hoover the upstairs.
Empty bins in the kitchen (the smell!)
Get some CDs together for the car because if I don't I'll have to listen to dh's music, or worse the dc
Quick shower and change.

By 4.45. Easy!!

I am fine, I was a bit panicked this morning but have got on top of it - deep breaths and something to eat helped a lot!

Oh yes to:

• a list to tick things off
• your choice of CD's ( argh to listening to teen music!!

X

I once made my family listen to a blissful cd of ancient religious music and chants while travelling Weegie. That went down well (hmm) But got me into a calm zone .
Glad you feel a bit better . It so helps to just talk and let it out. You are a very resourceful woman ,wife and mum obviously . Pat on back from yourself needed here . Take care and delegate tonight . No hoovering upstairs .....no no .

I got through the weekend!

Saw fils partner briefly who asked me to pray for a "gentle and easy passing" (which made me cry). Mil was snippy but we just got on with what was needed.

My niece in SCBU is doing really well.

Stepmum is at an appointment with her oncologist round about now.

My Gran always trotted "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but for me this weekend, that's true. I feel stronger, building on my achievements!

My dad called - my Stepmum needs 6x cycles of chemo then radiotherapy.

Hard.

I'm coping ok, not great, but surviving.