Think I'm having a breakdown

[Lallylallz]

Long story short I've battled depression for years. Bought on by family issues and a horrible violent relationship.

I just can't seem to pull myself together today My family have all but shut me out. I feel so alone I'm feeling like I'm breaking today thought of self harm and more are running thru my mind. I've been having a constant panic attack since this morn. I feel distraught that my children are due home from school any minute and I'm still struggling with this anxiety attack.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've been silently breaking for months but picking myself back up. I've gone back on anti depressants and waiting for counselling. My children are my strength but today I'm finding it so hard. I actually feel like I can't cope with life ATM.

hi Lally
just spotted your post and cant leave you. I know how you feel, I have times like this too on and off and sometimes you cant even think straight and all sorts whirls around your mind. It does sounds like you are very anxious but Im sure you can "pull yourself around" again. How do you normally cope when you are feeling like this?
I normally feel kids pull me around and when i actually see ds i feel better even though i dont think i will beforehand.
tell us what you feel you cant cope with..
you WILL be ok

It's just a general I can't cope with life right now. The issues with fam is my main issue I've tried explaining to my dad how I feel and he's basically said it's my fault y I'm pushed out of family (children of a blk guy, troublesome teenager) I'm more heartbroken over my mid dd seeing pics on fb of my family having a get together as my sisters had new baby and her asking y if the fb album says 'family time' y weren't we invited. My fathers sent me a basic text back saying Its my fault I do it to myself that's y we weren't invited and I'm poisoning my childrens minds to think the same as me. How can I be when my dd asked me. They are aware they treated differently.

My eldest dd has been poorly for weeks at first thinking it was glandular fever causing tiredness it seems to be a lil more serious than that and I have hospital to discuss tests results tomorrow I'm beside myself with worry. Bloods were only taken yest. I'm waffling now but it's just 1 thing after another that's coming and I'm not coping with handling it.

I haven't told my childrens dad about hosp appt as he's not very supportive and I would end up trying to support him then concentrating on my daughter and me plus there's not much point in both of us panicking until I know whats wrong with her.

Just things seem to of got me down

Sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. Health worries always make things worse, I think!

When you're counselling comes through you will have someone to talk to and relieve some of the pressure and sadness - but in the meantime is there anyone in real life that you could talk to that would be supportive? Sometimes it really does help to have a good old moan and get things off your chest... and of course there is always mumsnet.

If you are really struggling and feel like you're wading through treacle, just try and take things one thing at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, just focus on the the important ordinary thing that you have to do, like making dinner or getting the kids in bed. Then you can have a breather and go on to the next thing like collapsing on the --sofa.

How long have you been taking your ad's for? have they had chance to kick in yet?