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please help me help my friend.

6 replies

CatThiefKeith · 19/11/2013 14:25

My best friend was diagnosed with pnd 18 months ago, and anxiety. She is supposedly "in the system" after she attempted suicide last year, but afaik she hasn't seen anyone from the mh team in months. She has also stopped taking her medication as she says she no longer needs it.

Her dh is none too supportive, refuses to recognise that she is ill and is very cross that she isn't working. (She did go back after ML but was crippled by anxiety and eventually lost her job) I believe her dh is the reason she has stopped her meds etc.

Thing is, she really isn't better. She is obsessed by illness, and is constantly diagnosing her ds's with everything from Aspergers to scoliosis. She researches thoroughly, then goes to the doctors with a long list of symptoms. Invariably she gets them as far as an appointment with a consultant, but is never offered a follow up, because there is nothing wrong.

My friend is also shelling out hundreds of pounds to a homeopath who is "curing" her 2yo ds's nonexistant autism.

The really scary bit though is that her dh is in hospital, with an undiagnosed stomach condition, and I am a bit concerned that my friend could be responsible. She has mentioned several times in the past few days that she hopes it isn't a salt intolerence. She also asked if I thought the doctors might check his sodium levels. He is in isolation on a drip and she keeps trying to smuggle soup in.

I feel like a total bitch even thinking this, but I am so worried about her, and her family, and I feel bloody sure someone who knows what they are doing should be looking after her.

Please tell me what I can do to support her, and how to broach the above without offending her. (She truly does believe all these illnesses are real, she isn't doing it for attention as such)

Thank you

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IsItMeOr · 19/11/2013 14:31

Oh heck, that's a lot going on there. I can understand why you're concerned for your friend and her family.

I'm honestly not sure what you can do about it though. It's not like you can ring up the hospital and say that you're worried about her husband's sodium levels, is it?

Hopefully somebody else will be along with a good idea shortly.

CatThiefKeith · 19/11/2013 14:41

I know. I just don't know what to do for the best. She isn't well, and she's convinced herself that she is fine, but her ds's and dh have all sorts of things wrong with them. She wouldn't do anything to hurt them intentionally, but I do think she might have been upping her dh's salt intake "to improve his tolerance" or something. :(

I feel so disloyal even saying it, but my instincts are screaming that something isn't right here. :(

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Khimaira · 19/11/2013 15:03

Do you know who their GP is? Could you have a word? If you're really certain, then I think you have to do something Sad. Or could you go and visit him in hospital and have a word with someone? I have no idea what I would do in that situation. I'm not sure speaking to her about it is a good idea though.

CatThiefKeith · 19/11/2013 15:21

I'm not certain, I hate myself for even thinking it. :(

We are at the same practise, but I never eee the same doctor twice, and my friend doesn't seem to either. She is literally there every week, surely someone should have picked up on this? (Not the salt obviously, but the rest of it?) There have been 8 consultant appointments in the last 10 weeks, none of which have come to anything.

If her dh is in isolation would they even let me in? :(

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icingmyback · 19/11/2013 15:31

if you're at the same practice, make an appointment for yourself and talk to the doc about your friend. explain everything you have here and the gp can write to the mental health team to follow it up if they think it necessary.
don't hate yourself. you sound like you're a good friend and are coming from a good place.

CatThiefKeith · 19/11/2013 15:41

Thank you icing. I have my friends ds (2) and dd with me today, so have made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

Feel pretty shit about dong this without her knowledge, but I really don't think there is another way. :(

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