If you self harm do your kids get taken away from you?

[marykat2004]

If you hide it from them? If you wear long sleeves and never let the kids see?

If so, can you then admit it to your doctor, and get help?

I moved to a new town. I haven't even met my doctor here yet. In my old town I was constantly scared of having my kid taken away. Just because we were a little different. It was a posh area. DH has some health problems. Mental and physical (and learning difficulties that I am only just becoming aware of). Anyway I was too scared to tell the GP I was cutting myself because I thought they would take away my child. DD never saw me do it and I always wore long sleeves to hide it. DH too. he knows I did it when I was a teenager but I hid it the last 2 years.

At the new GP they (the receptionist. I haven't seen a doctor) don't even want to give me citalporam because they think nothing is wrong with me. There is not a soul I have told about the cutting. If I can get an appointment and tell the truth will they take my child away?

I haven't done any cutting yet since we moved but really thinking about it a lot. It's not such a fancy area. There are a lot junkies around here, so, I would think, because I'm not a junkie or anything like that, that they might help me if I told the truth, rather than just take my kid away? Because there are people worse off and plenty of kids in care?

Please help. I think I need to be honest when I meet my new GP rather than just say "I feel down" because everyone feels down sometimes. Not everyone is so angry with themselves they are cutting.

No - services are not there to take children away from parents. As part of asking for help with mental health issues and if a parent is self harming the GP will do a risk assessment, as they all will do, and perhaps contact the HV for extra support. Or contact other agencies only if they see it as a risk. Safeguarding issues are top priority in all health fields, so just see it as looking out for your whole family and supporting them all. Generally people do not get referred to Social Care unless they present at A and E, who have particular forms they are obliged to fill in and assess risk (eg if a non walking child has bruises they contact HV and or Social Care as standard; a friend had a little girl roll off the bed and had the standard phone call from SC team to check all ok! And it was, she just learnt to roll!!)

So be honest. Think about what help you want. Do not panic if that involves more than one agency - different parts of the NHS have different budgets. They will help you if you tell the truth yes. But do not think because I am not as bad as someone else ....

It is not about putting children in care, it is about assessing your needs, your children's needs, your support needed. Every person in the NHS and mental health fields risk assesses everyone - you just do not know they are doing it!!

so think about what help you need and ask for it - do you want medication? A referral to short term talking treatment? Anger management classes? Parenting classes? A referral to a psychiatrist if the medication the gp gives you does not work? Referral to a mental health team for a diagnosis? Work out what will help you and ask for it if you can.

I self harm, my consultant doctor and CPN all know about it and I'm getting the help I need. I've been told the only time they would refer is if they felt the children were in danger and then it would only be to get more support and it would be discussed with me first. If the children dont see it there's not a problem. Go get the help you deserve and need its worthwhile.

Thank you. Maybe it is part my illness that I suffer paranoia. I thought they had quotas to meet for taking children away. And I feel that because now we live in a poorer area we wouldn't be as likely to fall into that quota.

It is very hard always trying to hide and bury your feelings. I was taught from an early age that no matter what, one must never admit to any mental illness. I have become more and more afraid.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

(I did not follow through my urge today. It is always better to avoid self harming if you can. It never makes me feel better anyway. Only worse.)

No quotas for taking children. Quite the reverse I would think.

It is enormously expensive to take a child into care. You need social roekers to build a case, write a report, a judge to decide that it is necessary (how many £££ per hour does a judge cost?) police and social workers to go round, then all the thousands of pounds to keep the child.
Plus every social worker I have spokeento absolutely hates doing it. To the point of going home and having a cry they find it so distressing.

If you are coping, and caring for your child then social services would far rather x1000 help to support you care for your kids.

Hope you can find the strength to get help.

You sound very strong for coping with all this with so little help. X

Well so far I have managed not to do any cutting. I am feeling anxious but I am keeping a lid on it. That is better than actually doing anything bad.

Thank you replying.

I have cut on and off for eighteen years now- very badly at times.

It's never been raised as a child protection issue for me.

Take care x

I am very sorry to have found this but it certainly will affect what I tell the new GP (who I will meet today):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1834966-Depressed-parents-and-children-taken-into-foster-care

If one parent is well maybe they won't take the child into care, but DH has a long history of depression as well as schizophrenia, the latter of which has not manifested itself in over 10 years.

I have managed not to SH (yet) but the thoughts are brewing away. Each time I make a mistake (forget something, lose something, do something clumsy), the urge to punish myself gets worse.

I will just tell the new GP that because moving was so stressful I don't think I should come off the ADs yet. And try to find other ways to cope.

No, they won't take your children away, after DS was born we were under the care of SS and an emergency mental health team, they knew I cut and at that point they knew I was suicidal. DS is currently cuddling my feet, all they ever did was offer support and help. There was (they told me) never any chance of them removing DS.

this is my first post. I'm feeling so sad and despondent due to social services interventions. I want to feel happy and good for the summer with my 12 yr old. I just feel overwhelmed and at a loss. I also want to see if this gets posted so I can write more tomorrow - or later.