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Mental health

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How do you cope long term with a MH illness?

12 replies

TotallyAddictedToLurking · 18/11/2013 20:21

I am Bi-Polar or BPD depending on what psych I see.

I feel like every day I'm living a lie at work. I pretend to be normal, but I'm not like everyone else.
I'm sat there worried over every little thing. I feel like everyone looks at me like the Weirdo of the team.

Every day I come home exhausted. I feel like I'm on the brink of another breakdown. It scares me.

I can't see myself coping for years and years like this. How does everyone else do it?

OP posts:
HoopHopes · 18/11/2013 21:32

I ignore it as much as possible and have set routines for each day, work etc - it does not run my life as I do not let it.

Golddigger · 18/11/2013 22:38

Are the psychs helping you at all do you think?

petsheep · 19/11/2013 09:47

I think they are help. I am definitely not survive so long if I don't have an excellent psychiatrist and the proper medication.

I try take care myself, don't drink, smoke , drugs and take all my medication, and I have bad days sometimes but fortunately not very often.

livingzuid · 19/11/2013 19:41

pet by bpd you mean borderline personality disorder? I had to be tested for both. A psychologist will diagnose bpd and a psychiatrist will diagnose the bipolar. There are crossovers between the two but both require completely different types of treatment. Have they told you that you have both? I am firmly bipolar with traits of bpd that I get treatment from a psychologist for. I take lithium for the bipolar which has really helped. I fortunately don't need anti psychotics yet. I got my final diagnosis at the end of 2012 after a year of testing. Oh and make sure you get your thyroid tested!

There are good days and bad days. I know what you mean about work. My bipolar has led me to leave job after job because of the intense paranoia I get in the workplace. My husband has to retrieve me from supermarkets as I shut down for fear that people are going to attack me Confused I am still paying off tens of thousands from manic episodes.

Now I am medicated I find it easier as I am less erratic. My DH is my rock and I can safely say without doubt that he's saved my life. As has my dog. When I was super sick we got a puppy to keep me company when I was at work. I was so busy chasing him round the house or cooing at him when he was asleep i didn't notice feeling suicidal so much! Walking him got me out of the house and every time I start getting freaked out at home he either does something completely stupid that makes me laugh or comes and sits on me and starts licking my face and I feel better. All of this is in reference to the dog btw :)

It's really hard sometimes knowing this is our normal for ever. I take each day as it comes and I focus on the little things. Nice walks on the beach. Hug from DH after work. Getting through the day. Getting into bed at night! WWhen I am stressed my gp told me to break my day down into small chunks. So just think about the morning. Then just focus on lunch. Then the afternoon. And then congrats for making it to the end of the day. I have one or two trusted people at work who know (not management!) so I can go to them when I feel paranoid. And I am always texting DH as I know he's just at the end of the phone if I need him. At my worst I couldn't actually not be touching him so to spend a whole day away at work is a victory!

I appreciate small things now. There are some positive outcomes. You really love the good days and realise what is important. You realise life is so precious that you have to enjoy it on the good days because my bad days are so bad I am not the same person really. Most things are just superficial piffle but family and friends make the world of difference. PM me if you ever want to chat.

livingzuid · 19/11/2013 19:49

Oh and exercise is crucial. But it does depend on the type. Certain forms actually can increase your anxiety and make it worse which sounds nuts but is true! I can't run any more which I am gutted about because I loved running. Yoga is superb, as is swimming, pilates etc. And you can't beat a nice walk in the park. I'm pregnant and can barely manage to get into work but I walk whenever I feel up to it and it helps.

Mitchy1nge · 21/11/2013 09:37

I pretend I haven't got one

but also try to get lots of sleep and exercise and take medication to protect myself just in case I have really got one Confused

livingzuid · 21/11/2013 11:05

mitchy very true :) it's just something that is a part of me it doesn't define who I am if that makes sense. Like I just take my medicine to deal with it and carry on as normal. I have a job, husband, dog, am pregnant, go out with friends, travel etc. Most days I don't even think about it. (would never tell work though there is too much stigma and I'm not that brave). When I get a bit one way or the other with the mania or depression I understand what's causing it and take steps to deal with it. It's not always easy but knowing what you are working with really helps.

Life is actually much better since my diagnosis.

TotallyAddictedToLurking · 21/11/2013 17:50

Thank you for the comments.

Livingzuid how did you get to see a psychologist? I thought things would get easier if I was diagnosed but I am still fighting for treatment that works. Other posters have advised me to see PALS as I feel very let down.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/11/2013 18:56

I saw a psychologist weekly for a while, about 9 months I think, when I was first diagnosed (about a thousand years ago) and again fairly recently (maybe two years ago). The first time I just asked and asked and asked and asked until my consultant agreed. The second time I don't remember if it was my idea or not, she felt she couldn't help me anyway (although she didn't phrase it that way, it was more 'you can't be helped by a psychological treatment' :()

when were you diagnosed? what treatment are you having at the moment?

TotallyAddictedToLurking · 21/11/2013 19:18

I was diagnosed at the beginning of the year.

I am being treated with quetiapine.

They mentioned DBT but I couldn't commit to 4 hours a week when I work full time.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/11/2013 19:27

I thought DBT had given way to mentalisation based therapies these days. Probably no easier to access though. Have you tried any self help or peer support type groups?

livingzuid · 22/11/2013 07:42

totally I am in the Netherlands so it's a bit different here. I'm sorry you are having such a struggle. I went originally to my very wonderful gp in the UK and I had a psychiatric assessment within 3 weeks. It took a while before that and a crap gp and even worse CBT therapist who made me even more unwell though. After I ended up in hospital my Dutch husband had enough and bought me straight back here.

The process was similar. I went to the gp with what my UK gp had said then I was referred to a psychiatric nurse for an initial conversation. Then to a doctor but they were a short term intervention unit. Then I went to the head honcho psychiatrist at the community clinic who sent me off to be tested for BPD as I was not a clear cut case of bipolar 1 and they hate giving out drugs here if there is the slightest chance you don't need them!

It took ages for my psychological assessment and we had to nag and nag for the appointment. I was able to keep seeing the nurse though for support. Then I got my assessment and she said she was. 95% sure I was bipolar but because of my history I also had traits of BPD that would need psychological treatment. I was a complex case and they needed to decide where I would get treatment as I may have needed to go to a specialist unit.

Then it took ages and ages again before I went back to the psychiatrist and in between I had to have more assessment and the same questions asked over and over again by the assessment team. This time too the woman spoke no English so my husband had to translate. It was pretty difficult. But finally I got to my psychiatrist and started treatment December last year. To get there was a year.

He wanted me to see a psychologist as when he was initially seeing me many of my issues were around the BPD rather than the bipolar. I had a mc in that time as well which made me worse. It took about another five months before I started seeing the psychologist and I see her now mostly once a week. It's nice because I was stressed that it would be like 8 sessions and out the door but she said no we will take as long as we need.

It took a lot of nagging which was stressful and hard when all you want to do is get an explanation. My DH did most of it so I was lucky to have his support. Have you tried going back to your gp and explaining the situation? You should not be sitting there with an unclear diagnosis that can't be helping you get better. Bipolar and BPD are not the same and require completely different treatments!

I have not told my employer of course, but by law in the UK they do have to give you time to go to appointments. I lied at my last job in the UK and also here, and said I was having regular blood tests (ironic as I now have to with bipolar and hypothyroidism!) and just made up my hours elsewhere in the week. I did tell them about the psychologist though but couched it in terms of getting therapy for my mc and that I was struggling after my divorce 3 years ago. Is that an option for you to get flexible hours to attend appointments?

It's so hard isn't it :( we have perfectly legitimate reasons to need time off for our illnesses but because of the stigma attached we would suffer if we were honest about it. Living with bipolar is like living with any chronic illness and it needs managing.

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