Rumination? Obsession? What is this?

[Milkhell]

I have had mental health problems since having babies and I'm quite regularly on this board so some of you may know bits about me.

I've only ever officially been diagnosed with anxiety. I've seen an NHS consultant psychiatrist twice as well as the crisis team many times and this is the only 'diagnosis' I've had. More specifically it manifests in severe health anxiety and generalised anxiety.

When I get up on a morning the only thing that ever goes through my mind until I go to bed at night is 'when am I going to get better'. All I can ever think about is how I'm feeling, the mental state I'm in and when I'm not going to feel this way. It clouds everything and it's exhausting. I'm not even sure what 'being better' means.

I've had this kind of thing before in my life. I had severe acne in my mid 20s leading up to my wedding and the needing to 'fix' my skin thing just went round and round and round in my head all day.

I love my children, my husband, my mum, my family and my mental health problems (or perceived problems) dominate not just my life but theirs too.

At the moment I'm also obsessed with the fact I have something 'wrong' with my brain too. I'm aware that it sounds bizarre and I've been to a very understanding GP who had arranged a CT scan and if that's clear she's referring me back to psychiatry.

Am I ever going to recover? I'm giving up hope. My youngest baby is 7mo and the GP thinks all this has a hormonal element. I can't take meds as I have had an extreme reaction to ADs and the psychiatrist has said they're not for me.

Anyone?

I feel always bad. No medicine helps. It is not depression or anxiety. I have had/have both, and they feel different. I have had a pet scan because I did not respond to any meds doc had tried. Scan was clear. My bad feeling disappeared itself after six! years. Unfortunately it came back after several years without it. God knows what it is. Consultant does not know.

I experienced a period of health anxiety, where I could not shake the idea/fear that I was very seriously ill. It turned out that I was hyperthyroid and as soon as I was treated the anxiety went away. I am not saying that you are hyperthyroid and presumably your GP will have checked for this anyway and ruled it out.

The point I wanted to make is that I know how it feels to be constantly obsessing about being ill. Before I knew about the hyperthyroid thing, I got some peace of mind from reading self-help books. The Claire Weeks book was useful (self-help for your nerves). I also used to download the free podcasts from Anxiety Slayer which provided some useful ideas from fellow anxiety sufferers to help cope. Anxiety UK also has a helpline and sells self-help resources.

I was also able to get some 1-1 CBT through the GP which really helped a lot. Perhaps if you haven't tried it before you should ask your GP if they offere it.