Salient facts. If you recognise me read on you might learn something.
My beloved and adored father died suddenly when I was 17, my mother was physically and emotionally abusive my entire life and I left home at 18 and have never been back to stay. Most of my family knew that my mother was an angry irrational bully but I am not sure if they realised just how bad it was. My mother also chose my sister over me in every argument or situation where a choice had to be made.
I went NC with my sister over 18months ago, I went NC with my mother earlier this year when she ranted and screamed down the phone at me about the way I had treated my sister (who has bullied, manipulated and scrounged from me for decades, her condescending attitude had me in tears over and over again). When I had that phone call with my mother I was pregnant with a much wanted rainbow baby, terrified of the birth (my first child suffered brain damage in labour) and stressed to the max with a work contract working FT. Since then there have been demands made to allow 'contact' with my DC while I popped to the shops, that grandparents and aunties had 'rights' and I found support on MN to refuse these outrageous demands.
The belief in myself to do all this came from receiving counselling since my older DC was 6 months old, it started out as support to deal with a horrendous labour and the awful repercussions, and then it became evident I was suffering long term PTSD as well as depression and self esteem issues caused by my family dynamic,
Since I ditched them I have had more confidence, my marriage has gone from strength to strength, I have two beautiful wonderful amazing children and I can honestly say I have had moments of pure happiness.
Depression however is fickle, I know that my children and husband are my 'protective factors' I think the therapist called them, after my second baby was born I had a relapse and I am unable to feel emotions - I am numb even when happy, its as if I am in a vacuum some days and I know at times I detach from my children (although they are always cared for). I have access to mental health team and I am currently doing art therapy. My husband is fully supportive of everything which I do to improve my mental health.
This is the crunch bit. On Wednesday this week members of my family (not my mother or sister) staged what can only be called an intervention. If I do not take steps (fast) to allow my mother and sister into my life and my children's lives by Christmas I will be cut off from my entire family. I have explained to them why I have done what I've done but despite professing to listen they do not wish to shatter their illusion of our happy family and had a quick answer of excuse for everything I was saying. My children were with me at this surprise session and I do not cry or show any emotion in front of them if I can help it so I was seen as being less upset as my mother and sister had cried when telling their version of events.
Since then I've pretty much gone back into a depressive state. I've sobbed my way through today with DH luckily at home to help with the children. I feel heavy and dull, and my brighter feelings have gone. Even the baby has wiped away tears of mine today.
Thats it - I either let two people who have hurt me over and over again into our lives or I kiss goodbye to all of my family - aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. Even a cousin who has listened to me for months and months and been so very kind - no invite to her wedding, no Christmas cards or gifts for my children to their own cousins.
All because I chose to say stop and to be asked to be treated with respect. I want to curl up under a rock somewhere or run away.