How do I support my teen who is self-harming?

[ShesScaringMe]

Does anybody know of any support groups or anything that we can join?
We've got a CAF referral and the school nurse is involved. We don't know what to do as parents to support him though.

It started because of bullying, but the bullying has been sorted out and he is still cutting his arms, not deep and not often (to our knowledge), but we don't want this to become a really huge problem.

I'm not sure of any groups , but ill try and be of some use .
From my own experience I did it to feel better - it was like some kind of release & once I got in to the habit of it , it took me years to stop.

It is great that it is few & far between now iyswim .
Try & keep him occupied , talk about random stuff etc but also don't let him feel ashamed of it

Sorry not much

Also it was all the alone time that gave me the opportunity to do it , so maybe some extra activities or you could find something to do together

Thanks for your quick reply.
I'm trying really hard not to react too badly to it all, but dp thinks we should be punishing him so he thinks twice before he does it again. I don't think that will work, he'll just do it more secretively.

Punishment really would be a bad idea , he isn't doing it on purpose he is doing it because of the feeling it gives (It releases endorphins) .
It will more than likely make him worse if he is punished for it , he just needs help and understanding & don't be scared of talking about it , I would of loved to of bn able to talk about it with my parents as I feel it could of helped me a lot .

He is very lucky to have such a caring mum

Thank you just.
I've persuaded dp that we should do it my way at least until we've spoken to the professionals and been given more advice. We both just feel rather helpless and lost.

Punishment would add in to the guilt he probably already feels. The guilt is almost what keeps the cycle going (I did it for 5 years as a teen due to on/off bullying).

What helped most was just to be listened to. I wanted someone to acknowledge what had happened and that it was still affecting me even after it stopped. The self harm is more a by product of what's going on under the surface and I wanted what was going on to be acknowledged and just didn't know how to go about it.

It's different for everyone but hope you find the help he needs

I presume he's seen your GP for a referral to CAMHS? In the meantime, you must not punish him for cutting but show him lots of love and care. He'll be feeling bad enough himself. Can you chat with him and see if you can come up with some strategies for him to use as alternatives to cutting? Activities to distract are good such as writing, playing music, exercise. Holding ice cubes, pinging an elastic band around his wrist, ripping up cardboard also provides relief.
If he can't physically tell you when he needs support from you, perhaps give him something that can be used as a symbol e.g. a pebble that he can give you to alert you to the fact that he is feeling low.
Please be reassured that things will get better, it will just take time for your son to learn to deal with his emotions and become more confident in himself.
The very best of luck

I was self harming as a teen. It was a release whenever i had emotions going around and around my head and not knowing how to deal with them.

Any kind of stress, and i would sh.
You could look up for self help in how to handle emotions and thoughts.
I wad pretty angry when i was younger due to what i had been and was going through.
So im gathering there will be one main emotion thay he is dealing with.

I had weekly therapy sessions, which didnt seem to help at the time. But they were.
My sh became a habit. So although i had the tools in order to deal with my feelings that made me sh. It was still easier, and habitual to go straight to sh.

I would say those tools are very important. They will come into effect as he matures.

My arms would be prettt messed up. Buf like your son, were light and not deep. I only have one scar.

When i did finally stop, which was about 4 years after therapy. I didnt start again.

Bare in mind, your son will possibly stop sooner as mine was down to my home enviornment and didnt stop.

Hope this helps

Punishment is definitely not the answer. I can see the angle your dh is looking from. But this will more than likely make him feel more alone, and more pushed into doing it.

Keep doing what you are doing. You are here asking for help so it shows you are supportive :-)
Just be there for him. Even if all you can do is listen. Sometimes that is all that is needed.

I hope your ds is feeling better soon.
I also hope you and your dh dont give yourselves a hard time over this too, as i know this can happen. Dont let it. Yous are doing great xx

Thank you so much for your replies.

I've shown this thread to dp and it has really helped me get him to understand that this isn't something we can punish ds for, after all he didn't try to punish me when I was depressed and this is a similar sort of thing. We've been out today doing fun things (not really my idea of fun, but what ds chose to do) to try and distract ds. We'll just keep doing what we've always done and hope that between us, school and counselling things will get better.

Pleased to hear your thread has helped your husband understand a bit better.

Yes, just keep doing what you are doing. You are doing well.
Things will get better. It just takes time.

Stay strong xx