Overeating battles

[IWishYouWould]

Has anyone who uses overeating as a coping mechanism, overcome their issues? I'm trying to find other people who battle with this to start a support chat. I'm currently at my worst and I am gathering the courage to tackle my underlying causes. but where to start?

Joining this thread when it looks like its kind of finished!!

Just wanted to add some feedback I've had from counselling for overeating.

I seem to do it to push down the emotion, literally. My counsellor said that is common to push it away. I feel anxious before I binge. I am unsettled & dont know what to do with myself. I try to resist but crave the carbs/choc etc as the anxiety feeling goes away afterwards.

The evenings are my worst time for bingeing. If I'm out, I still want to do it when I come home but find it easier to go straight to bed & tell myself no. My problem is I lack drive & energy to go out & obviously going out isnt the answer!! The day following a binge, I am full of self loathing & hate myself for my lack of control.

My background is a familiar tale of seperated parents. Remained with my father, however witnessed domestic violence towards my sibling. This has left us both with issues around abandonement & favourtism. To be honest, I was too scared to do anything wrong.

I became depressed age 14yrs old & began self harming. I also limited my eating & became very underweight. I have also suffered with bulimia. I have issues with low self esteem & have been taking Sertraline for the last 4yrs. I am now overweight!

mashed, I hope the thread isn't finished as I've only just joined as well.

Hopefully we can support each other and post when we feel the need.

3as- I hope your day has improved.

Oh hi DLTGYD, wasn't expecting a response! I've just read back & seen your history. My mother also said I was an attention seeker.

I actually hated myself when I was slim. There's me thinking that losing weight will make me happy but I know it wont. Guess I still have a lot of work to do!

Happy to listen & support x

I wrote a massive reply and lost it So for now all I can type is...the thread is definitely still going. I think some days we just don't feel able to talk, but the idea was this was somewhere to go any time we need it. So I do hope you feel able to keep posting.

This seems to be so common -

I used to be anorexic, now I use food for comfort - both a totally unhealthy relationship with food -

I have a '5 stone' fluxuation, which has always been 2 years either one, it has always had nothing to do with my weight (was always the happiest when I was just starting to 'eat normally' again from being at my lightest), was usually the time when I felt happiest in my life, then when things started to 'not go right' ate more, for comfort -

Then, something else happens, and just can't eat, and every time, it's a 6 lbs loss a week, I start to weigh myself, wont eat anything until 'dizzyness' then its always the same, tomatoes and cottage cheese -

I'm on the heavy side now, and stating to buy what I used to, cottage cheese and tomatoes, and unconsciously I know I heading back the other way - starting to think about calories etc -

There's an obvious reason, maybe to others, but my eating habits have nothing to it, its totally irrelevant, its a 'feeling' that makes me over eat, or just not -

I'll give an example, my (now ex) OH and me have split up, he's used the whole 'your a fat cunt' thing as a put down, and I'm thinking anyone else would have just 'stopped eating' because of his comments, I didn't, went the other way!

But now I have alot to sort out to make things better, the 'get control' start of me has now kicked in, and eating is now something on my brain, and am finding myself not hungry -

Does anyone know where I'm coming from?

Yes I know exactly. Xh was a diet sabotager he would come home with a Chinese or huge bar of choc at mere mention of me attempting to lose weight. It wasn't about wanting a fat wife he just wanted control. But his insults were things like you're so fat no one would want you. Like you say you'd think this would lead to starvation but no it made me eat more because food is a comfort.

If I'm upset I reach for food. If I feel I'm losing control I stop eating.

I'm surprised how many over eaters were or are sometimes anorexic too.

Dontlet so you must think, like me, it's a 'control' mindset?? Loosing control, eat for comfort, in control, or forced to 'be in control' through an upset or some sort of 'trigger', not hungry, mind gone elsewhere, then food or even 'weightloss' becomes part of 'being back in control' -

God, it's weird when you put it down in writing, you know it, but it's totally out of your control -

HI - just wanted to say you guys are far from alone - here are some other recent threads with similar posts, there may also be some useful tips/books to read etc in them...

here

here

and here

I just think 'anorexia and then overeating' are very apparent maybe in one particular 'dis-order'??

There should be a diagnosis for this, don't you think?

oopsadaisyme, I have read yournother thread I think. Your ex is...well to be honest I'm struggling to think of a word that describes someone so low.

I do understand where your coming from. I have my go to foods when I'm in 'loss' mode. Obviously anything goes when I'm the other way. but it is mostly carbs. My truly happiest times have been when I became quite small. Not through dieting of starving, but not thinking of food out of the norm anf being healthy. Those times have grown to be less over the years. The last being when I met my DH.

My control foods are lettuce and water. I will eat a bag of mixed leaves and drink water that's it.

I hate that I have no choice over it. I know exactly what's happening and as you say I can write it down and know exactly what I need to do but I can't / don't. I would never admit it to anyone in real life and I think I said previously even when hospitalised my mother said I was making it up and attention seeking. She said the same about my severe pnd too.

Iwish yeah, sorry you had to read that, and loads of love for doing xx, and yes, I think your looking for something along the lines of 'total wanker' ... nicely putting right now -

But still had nothing to do with my 'weight' control - he can call me a 'fat cunt' all day long, I'll still eat for comfort.....

Right now though, I'm putting my life back in control, and (who know's, I may have a worry 'trigger') I'm not hungry, and for 14 years of pretty much '2 on 2 off' rubbish with food, I know when I'm just not hungry, I don't eat - and unconsciously buy a big tub of cottage cheese and a load of tomatoes -

I'm budgeting now anyway (after him cleaning us out!), so planning meals for kids, maybe that's lead on to it a little too, I don't know, all I know, I'm now not hungry, so just know where I'm going

oops, your post to dontlet, sums it up really. Although reading it seems complicated, thats how it goes. I can see how our partners / people cloee to us can find it hard to understand us. (definitely not refering to anyone who is horrible or deliberately sabotaging).

Iwish some of us are just that complicated, and so glad you understood what I was saying, it must be labelled somewhere as a particular disorder??

you don't have to say sorry. Although its not a good situation, it is great that you are getting the support you need on here. I don't post often elsewhere, but I do lurk a lot.

Thank you for the links to other threads. We are definitely not in small numbers. I for one am really glad that this is being looked at seriously by the government / NHS / private sector.

Oopsadaisyme, you have raised a good point. After starting this thread I have discovered, like you have, that I'm not alone in the transition from anorexic to over eater. But it hadn't occurred to me that this would actually be a condition in itself.

Hi guys.

Hope everyones not had bad day.

I find the thoughst of food consume me,
I try and mel plan family ie kids and husbands meals.

when im on restructive day ie low cal i feel like i acheived.
If i go over what calorie amount i set myself i then then feel guilty weak and reallu unhappy.

Recently i get anxious eating around others.

so i make my excuses with family that i ate earlier, not feeling very well or that im full.

I will watch them eat and feel sense of control that im resisting.
latly i been cooking diffrent meals so husband does not notice im eating way less cals soups my comfort food or fruit when restricting phase.

Husbands been working so much its easy to lie ad say had big lunch or ate with kids at tea time.

Even my binges are so different from before.

I use to eat loads then purge.

no I have calorie controled binges of choc type things as worry wont ourge enough that consume too much.

If i have feelings of hunger then think yes i doing well. I hate going bed hungry so sometimes take a sleeping pill to get to sleep.

There are other days ate very little then by evening i binge and cant stop as feel so hungry then feel crap as lots control again.

Kids broke weighing scales probably agood thing as weighing can really either make me happy or break me so much that i binge that day.

I try weigh once a week at a small boots as think their scales be accurate ad wear lightest clothing take shoes, scarf and coat off.

havent weighed in 2weeks since stayed same then got really down.
Last few weeks been secretly exercising and thinking in my head just want to look slim for xmas day when go bak ome and see family but my target seemed so far awayfew weeks back then i get pannicy thourghts what if i cant do it and I fail.

I know its not healthy thinking and if was watching em on tv I be bit worried.

I feel even more rubbish being a parent and being selfish and reckless but im doing it to try and be happy-mental i know but hate the way I look right now. hnece why not overly passionate with husnband and him whinging.

i have wardobe split into diffrent sizes and keep looking at my smaller sizes sometimes trying to get them on and in tears as they wont fit. some would say get rid of skinny stuff but that to me would be admitting i failed that will never be pre baby figure again and that scares me.

I cant face talking to anyone else i real life about this.
Im scared husband will find out.
hes already accused me last week of being sick and even asked if im having an affair.

Iwish I think it must be a condition which possibly needs a diagnosis, I thought I was on my own in my thinking, but apparently not after this thread -

Maybe something that needs attention, I don't know, just glad I'm not alone in this x

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_disorder_not_otherwise_specified

www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/about-eating-disorders/types-of-eating-disorder1/ednos/

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/eating-disorders-not-otherwise-specified-ednos

abcnews.go.com/Health/ednos-deadliest-eating-disorder-quietly-common/story?id=17709815

could it come under this?

im not sure if im buliic or purging anorexic theres quite strict criteria for medical diagnosis.

Hi, only just seen this board. Would love to join you for support. I am a normal BMI but struggle with binge eating especially in the evenings when I am tired/bored/lonely. The rest of the day i compensate by strict diet and plenty of exercise. I'd love to just be able to "eat"- not over eat or under eat.

3as Think there needs to be a simple diagnosis considering how many people seem to suffer it - not eating, to over eating - extreme fluxuations in weight -

Ooopsdaisyme-yes maybe but just dot think much money in spent on reserach into mental disorders.

Its just an observation from what seen on tv and that last abc news peice, dr phil on you tube so melodramatic but they seem to treat eating disorders more seriously over there mayeb its beause they private healthcare and they all have therapists and treatment centres where as nhs is drastically overstretched and deals with just the worst cases.

If you read on nhs website about eating disorders its very different from american sites.

nhs talks about self help a lot.

usa seem concerned about elctroltrlytes with bulimia nhs dont.

I know this is very different but something seen on few hoarding tv shows. Those who dident have much growing up or during the war then became hoarders in later life emotional ties to stuff maybe its the same sort of thing with food tht extreme deprivation will lead to reverse but im just summising.

I do know someone ex anorexic whos overweight now and she said doctor said she ruined her metabolism so often after recovering people can be heavier weight than before.

when ever you see eating disorders on tv shows they ever really do over eating.

The people they choose are always young girls an they always seem to get found out and recover really quickly.

Maybe if they did one about middle aged eating disorders and binge eating would raise public awareness.

neighbours recently did 2 storylines both young girls one bulimic adnd other not eating much and over exercise -that has a name cant remember wht it is.

I read the other day there are 2million anorexics in uk which seems a lot but combine other issues as they always say we an obese nation and some of that obesity may be down to binge and weight loss clubs can help short term but unless they reach the root emotional cause then people do not get better.

Having a crap day another row with husband so fed up and eowm

3asAbird, Thank you for posting the links to the EDNOS info. I had a read and didn't come back as it gave me a lot to think about. I definitely fit the B.E.D diagnosis. I feels better to be able to read information from a medical / psychiatry source. I suppose it lets me feel like an actual diagnosis (as far as you can yourself) rather than feeling alone and dysfunctional.

In your message you talked about eating away from your family, so that you can hide your control with the food. This sounds quite isolating for you. It must be hard to balance your day to day life alongside these impulses and feelings .I understand your feelings of elation when you succeed. The going to bed hungry feels very much an internal badge of honour doesn't it. When it comes to weighing I think we can all lose our ability to think clearly sometimes. I will take everything off, Pants included. I can actually acknowledge that this is daft, will my pants actually make that number go down? No but if I haven't done it naked, my mind will not relax. I think the lengths we need to go to have total control can be worrying.

With regards to your different size clothes. I do find that putting my different size clothes into a box out of sight helps, that way I'm not guilt tripping myself every time I open the wardrobe. No matter how many times over the years, I have though they would be an incentive, they have simply served as a trigger for my binges or stopping eating really.

You say that you can't face talking to anyone else in real life about how you're feeling. I suppose I would ask, do you feel that you will be able to come past the fog of feelings and the symptoms they produce for you on your own? It may well be the case and you could get to a better place in time. We all seem to swing between the good and bad over time. I am terrible at opening up n real life. most of my communication is done through social media. I find this is a real help. I can get the information across without having to find the words in front of someone. So far it has been really helpful with my friends. I also find that by doing this with my mum, I don't have to see her reaction, or listen to her switch the conversation over to herself. The messages is sent and then I can get on with my day. When I shared with friends I got support, but also one opened up about their eating battles too. We understand each other and have grown closer. My DH knows about my issues, but as I can't communicate well, I tend to find articles like the one you posted and show them to him. All o then have to say is 'that's me and how I feel'. Its good for him as rather than my waffle, the explanation is to the point and concise. Perhaps it might help you? Are you worried that he may not be supportive if DH knew?

I'm slowly catching up with the posts.. 3asAbird, has your day improved after this morning? I hope your feeling better.