Any experience of postnatal depression in men?

[lem31]

Hi all.
Looks like my Dh is suffering with depression (possibly postnatal). Has yet to be diagnosed, but many of the symptoms are glaringly there so expecting the diagnosis when he finally gets to his doctor.
Does anyone have any experiences and any advice to cope?
As a short history, I had tough pregnancy, he didnt really get why I didn't sail through it like other women seem to. Had ds and it isn't quite what he expected i think(ie not like a pampers advert). Not sure he was expecting wife covered in vomit and harassed as she hasn't slept for months!
Ds been ill with reflux, affecting feeding, weight gain and sleeping so been in hospital, drugs not working so still under threat of hospital again.
He works long hours and is constantly tired despite sleeping in a different room during the week so he isn't too tired for work.
He is forgetful, low, irritable, not interested in much and generally not himself.
I've been stressed beyond belief, with getting barely 2 hours sleep a night, let alone the worry of a baby who won't eat and is on a cocktail of drugs that need to be administered several times a day, hospital and doctors appointments...
I think I haven't been easy to live with but have been desperate for his support which has been seriously lacking. So I've been giving him grief. Feel bad now as I'm worried I have caused his depression.
He has a history of anxiety and depression so I know the signs in him.

Please tell me how you coped with new baby and hubby with pnd!?

Hey, you didn't cause his depression, please don't blame yourself for that.)

DS2 had reflux like you describe and it is soul destroying as well as physically debilitating for the whole family (the lack of sleep!)

Is there any way you can get some outside help? Just to give you both a break. Can you go away for the weekend, not with any pressure on to perform in hideous negligees but to get a full night's sleep and maybe a chance to reconnect and look forward.

It does get brighter and better once the reflux is outgrown.

If he knows you are concerned, that might help. Perhaps he needs meds. This is just anecdotal but the men I know who had PND are ones who either had a tricky childhood themselves or who have quite low self esteem. In both cases they are deep down concerned that they're not up to the responsibility and need a lot of help and reassurance. But if you are knackered you can't give it. You need more people around to help out in all sorts of ways.

I am not a fan of the label pnd in men. Your dh has a history of depression and anxiety. Like all of us with that, major life changes and stressful times can trigger relapse. This is one of those times. I think you need more support because, no offence to your dh, but you are doing the bulk of the work. Most women with pnd are doing that work.. which is why it feels different for many of us who have had anxiety or depression at other times. I had the most severe depression of my life after ds2 but I had barely any sleep and feeding issues like you do and had to care for two kids and go to therapy and groups etc.

I am not suggesting he is not down etc but basically he needs to take firm steps to pick it up and deal with it whether through therapy or meds or whatever. And you need additional support to let you get sleep/pick up house work etc if he isn't currently well enough to provide it...