Anyone else get really upset by loved one's reactions?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Going through recovery atm (depression&anxiety, was in hospital for a bit) and whilst I know my family/BF mean well & want me 'back to normal' I find it really hard not to take it personally when they get obviously frustrated with it. Especially if i'm having a very anxious day as i'm already on edge. Anyone else? I just feel like I can't do anything right atm I guess

I quite often feel like screaming 'i'm not bloody enjoying it either' when they talk about how they want 'me' back and how i'm the only one who can make a change etc. I bloody know. I bloody hate it & what you can't see is me fighting negative/anxious thoughts all the time, and sometimes winning now. If I wasn't trying i'd still be in hospital

OP hope you continue getting better and better but I understand where you are coming from.
DH once said I couldn't help being weak in connection with my depression many years ago and it cut me to the core. Took us a long time to recover from it tbh.
I wanted to scream at him, do you realise the fucking strength it takes me just to get up in the morning but I just didn't have the energy to fight at that point.
He now sees ho inappropriate his choice of words was but at the time e just couldn't understand why I was devastated.

Sorry to hear you've suffered similar J

I think it's because you're already feeling powerless at times (when it's at it's worst) so you don't need it rubbed in your face or worse, made to feel extra guilty for not being able to control it.

I went to bed a few nights back & realized my breathing was really rapid. I'd been so busy worrying about things that I didn't notice until I tried to go to sleep & DP got angry & said 'you need to stop doing this to yourself'. Err not shit...and thanks for making me ten times more panicky

But he came to visit 3 times in a week when I was in hospital recently and stuck by me after an overdose so I know his heart is in the right place & he just doesn't 'get it'. But I feel too weak to explain it sometimes.

And I feel quite disheartened when I've had a few good days, have been trying really hard then have one bad day and all the focus goes on that & none of it goes on how well i've done up until then. Those 'good' days happen because I try really bloody hard. You just can't se it IYSWIM?

I've started hiding the bad days from everyone but the professionals/MN really as it's been so frustrating since I was discharged.

(Scuse the rant)!

*no shit

That makes no sense otherwise

I'm just feeling really tired of it all.

I really feel for you as my DH comes from a very 'stiff upper lip' family that don't really 'get' MH issues.

I've never been as poorly as you've been but have suffered with depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc for my entire adult life.

DH and I have been together 17 years and I don't even bother discussing it with him now.

I came off my meds at the beginning of the year and after struggling for months finally 'conceded defeat', went to my GP and started taking them again at the end of August.

Apart from the fact that our sex life has taken a hit and I go to bed v. late, I don't think DH has even registered that anything's wrong or that I'm back on the AD's .

Hope you're feeling stronger soon.

Its the fact i feel i have to pretend im alright, which takes energy, of which im lacking. It's just so frustrating!

It hurts when loved ones fail to provide the warmth and emotional support we need at times of need - This.

I keep trying to tell myself that they mean well and their concern just comes out the wrong way sometimes but it's a sign of how much they care. It's just frustrating.

If you were limping because of a broken leg, no one would dare tell you to walk straight but when symptoms of a MH issue are visible (i.e panic attacks, no energy, hyperventiliation, shaking) people can be much harsher & I often feel that i'm being 'told off' for these things when family point them out & just tell me to 'think positive'. Well thanks, I hadn't thought of trying that

I've sort of tried to explain it to very close family but it's hard for them to understand. The only one who really gets it is my uncle, who has bipolar and has been very ill at times.

I'm doing much better but I still have the odd bad day(s). But my family seem to think that if I say i'm getting better then that means I shouldn't have any bad days and it's a sign i'm not trying hard enough/relapse. That then makes me really flustered so i've stopped telling them, which is harder in ways as I have to make an effort to hide it IYSWIM?

Scuse the ramble anyway. I just needed to say it somehow, to someone. Anyone. It's been driving me mad (scuse the pun) lately. I just find myself getting defensive/having to explain myself a lot and it makes you feel shit in itself.

Sorry to hear you've experienced similiar

Thank you Likewise.

When I admitted I was suicidal (just before I went to hospital) my family kept saying 'but you wouldn't, would you. You've got DS' but I was so depressed at the time that all I wanted was it to stop, at any cost. My uncle was the only one who really understood. He's got 2 children himself and knows that when you're ill enough, you just aren't capable of being rational like that.

orchard sorry conked out last night, I know what you mean about hiding when you feel low 'cos its just easier sometimes but when you can't hide it any longer I get the 'but you never said anything'. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I once had a manager say to me years ago, 'now we don't want this happening again and you going off' really 'cos I quite enjoyed staring at the 4 walls for hours on end not even being able to summon up the energy to speak, never mind come to work.
Like you said they'd never have said to someone with a broken leg, right don't go breaking any other limbs but MH issues seem to bring out the stupidest in people, whether its ignorance or fear I don't know.
Hope you continue to improve and maybe even be able to educate them when you do have the strength to explain how they make you feel and that they aren't helping. Most probably you'll do what most of us probably do and grin and bear it

Thanks. Grin and bear it is how I've managed it up until now. A lot of it does add to the guilt you already have going on but nevermind