I feel like I can't win! What's the point??

[TotallyAddictedToLurking]

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, depression and anxiety.

I have recently gone back to work because of financial difficulties, the worrying and being sat at home was making me worse.

Now I'm at work I'm worrying over different issues. I was naieve to think things would be fixed by going back to work.

How do you all cope? I'm ready to have another breakdown but I would be financially destitute if I did!!!

I don't have any knowledge really but didn't want you to go unanswered.
Are you on medication? If so when did you last see the doctor to discuss if it is working? I think I would try to stick it out at work, at least it keeps you busy rather than sitting at home to worry. Sorry I'm not much help but hope things get better soon. xx

i totally understand - i have anxiety and depression, i thought i was ok, went back to work - big mistake. Although this would have been ok if i had managed it properly and if ihad support from my managers. So that is what you need to do - are your managers aware of your illness? Can you talk about any worries you have? I do think it was ulimately better when i was at work though so i am frustrated that i let the anxiety win.

I don't know about BP or BPD, are you on medication for your anxiety? maybe you could talk to your doctor about a change of meds, starting meds again?

Like you say, you will be in financial shite if you leave work so thats another set of worries, just as going to work isn't a magic button (trust me, i thought it was and it took me a long time to realise!) sitting at home worrying about the money and the very real problem of financial difficulties is ultimately going to be more stressful.

There is a thread on MH with "Village" in the title, and winter blues - take a look, lots of us with various mental health issues, from anxiety through to schizoaffective disorder and lots in between support each other on that thread, soemtimes we struggle to see the point but it helps to know we are not alone and our journeys encourage each other when things are going well. You would be more than welcome to join in, if you feel it woudl help.

Thanks know you both for replying.

I am on meds but they need changing or tweaking. My GP won't even look at my meds without my phsyc's permission but getting hold of him is impossible!!

I can't tell my managers about my illness, they would use it against me and would not be very nice. I just can't go down that road of telling them my 'weaknesses' they will not be supportive.

I will find the thread you mentioned. I would love to hear more from people like yourselves who know what I mean. I feel quite isolated in real life.

I just need to stop thinking that I will be fixed if I just play grown ups in the real world. Time to be honest with myself!!

I am sure you know that is illegal for folk to be discriminated against for MH issues! doesn't stop it happening though :( are your bosses generally unsupportive?

link to village support thread

Yep I know, my physc team advised me to tell them but I just can't.

They are very much about appearances and wanting to be the best. The second they think anyone has a weakness they change towards you. I have shown them over the last week that I am stressed and they have already changed!

Thank you for the link, I will have a read