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A bit worried about colleague

9 replies

santaiscoming · 30/10/2013 14:30

I've name changed for this but I'm a regular poster. Sorry it will be long but I didn't want to drip feed.

Just wanted a bit of advice about a colleague. She's been with us now for about six months working solely in our accounts department (firm of lawyers). I work for the boss as a secretary (been there 14 years). She is a lovely person, very intelligent and shit hot at her job. She's more or less turned the place around financially and is very helpful etc. etc.

When she first came we thought she was a bit odd but not in a bad way, just different but it has come to light that she suffers with manic depression and has had psychotic episodes in the past. She is completely open and honest about her mental health issues and has told us that she has tried to commit suicide in the past. She is a bit of a loner and spends most weekends at work without pay because she says she enjoys it and it helps with her depression (even though I've told her to put in overtime but she refuses point blank). She is open to everyone in the office to the point where it becomes embarrassing sometimes, she will single people out and tell them all about her sex life, about God (she is very religious), about how she is frigid, her orgasms, and recently how she has become completely and utterly infatuated to the point of her not sleeping or eating with a bloke that we use as a bit of a handyman around the office now and again.

This is the point I'm worried about. I have found out today that she has been paying this bloke to come in at weekends and do jobs around the place (moving desks, shifting shelves, moving her office around etc) and paying him out of our petty cash or straight into his bank by BACS. My boss I don't think is aware of this or to the extent of it. I asked her about it and she got very very defensive saying that she would pay back the money out of her own pocket if the boss didn't think it was justified. Colleagues are worried that she is getting him in to do jobs that don't need doing just because she is infatuated with him. She is not getting the "jobs" authorised before she asks him to do them and most of the time it's things that somebody in the office could do anyway without the need for him. She has said she is in love with him and he is her soulmate (he knows nothing of this infatuation by the way and she doesn't even know if he is in a relationship or married or what).

I am conscious of the fact that I have to tread carefully with this woman because of her condition (she isn't on any medication by the way because she says she prefers to deal with her emotions herself). Her infatuation aside, I am more worried about the firm's money she is spending to be honest without my bosses knowing about it. They really do tend to give her a free reign with the firm's money. It's a small firm and i've been there the longest so I feel to a degree that I want to protect their interests. Should I say something or should I just leave her to it and not get involved?

Last week she came into my office and said some very disturbing things like she felt like she may one day hurt somebody or even kill them. I kind of laughed it off by making a joke about putting a lock on my office door but as it happens, I didn't find it very funny.

What would you do - shall I just keep my nose out?

OP posts:
tweetytwat · 30/10/2013 14:36

you can't do nothing, you need to do something.
she does sound a bit unwell at the moment. I'm not entirely sure what you should do, but I would talk to her and suggest she sees her GP or cpn or whoever. I would tell your line manager what you have noticed as far as the work/ petty cash situation.

HoopHopes · 30/10/2013 14:44

Make a referral for her to be seen by your work's occupational health? If she is doing work relates things, like paying someone to do something that has not been approved then get whoever is her manager to meet with her, check her roles and responsibilities etc.

Occupational health can assess her fitness to work, adaptations needed etc. if she is using work at weekends etc that you do not think is health it seems a meeting with strict guidelines for her role would help?

You could encourage her to see her mental health team?

santaiscoming · 30/10/2013 14:48

Thanks. I don't have a line manager, we are a small firm (11 of us) and I work directly for the boss. I think I may have to say something just to get it on record that I know because if it comes out in the future and they found out I knew it wouldn't look very good would it?

To be honest I have tried talking to her because I think she is on the edge but she just cuts me off mid sentence or gets extremely defensive. I've told her that maybe she should see her GP with regard to the way she is feeling but she won't tell him about the depression. She says that she prefers to deal with it herself and she has never had any medication and refuses point blank to even go there.

I do wonder whether somebody ought to have a word with this bloke as well as he is completely oblivious and is spending a lot of time alone with her. She is scaring me a bit at the minute to be honest.

I dunno, I am not used to dealing with this kind of thing as it's so completely alien to me. She's in her fifties, she's not a teenager but she is acting like one regarding this infatuation.

OP posts:
LEMisafucker · 30/10/2013 14:50

The thing is, if she is paying someone out of company funds without authorisation that is quite serious, she could get into serious trouble. I think you need to talk to her about that.

I hate armchair diagnoses but she sounds like she could be bi-polar and maybe gong through a manic stage? It is very difficult for you to help - is your boss understanding? Could you talk to them? She clearly needs help. I would imagine she said the disturbing stuff to you to get a reaction rather than actually considering it.

I think you need to talk to your boss - he/she will not be able to penalise her if she is unwell mentally so you wont be betraying her - but at least someone in authority can suggest she seeks medical help. If it comes from you she may feel you are interfering but you could say to her something like "if every you need to talk about anything, im a good listener etc" maybe open up to her about something in your life so that she trusts you?

You sound like a nice person - i wish there were more people around like you who are considerate to those with MH issues.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 30/10/2013 14:53

If I was your boss I wouldn't want you to get personally involved in this tbh. I'd want you to express your concerns to me in a 121 or to a HR person.

In our company we have a whistleblower policy, so that people can confidentially feedback on things to HR that they feel uncomfortable with, without prejudice.

From a practical perspective this handyman is on the property doing things without management approval, and people are in the office at weekends - that might not be covered under insurance and could be problematic.

MooncupGoddess · 30/10/2013 14:57

Gosh, spending unauthorised company money is v serious, especially given that she has free rein over the funds. Talk to your boss now.

santaiscoming · 30/10/2013 15:21

I do have a very good working relationship with my boss so I think i'm going to speak to him about it. He is very understanding although a bit wishy washy sometimes and will bury his head in the sand about stuff.

We don't have a HR department, line manager or anything like that. It's a small firm, private practice etc. We don't have official anything! Most people come to me in the office if they have a problem as I work for the boss. Thanks guys though I just wanted to know whether I should keep my nose out and just get on with my job or say something :-)

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 30/10/2013 15:26

You definitely need to say something. This all seems completely logical and normal to her. The handyman needs warning and your boss definitely needs you to say something.

I agree it seems as if she is bipolar and in a manic phase. My sis is bipolar and we have a horrendous situation at the moment as we all though she was doing ok but she wasn't. They are now in huge debt as she was online gambling, over spending and buying prescription drugs on line.

tweetytwat · 30/10/2013 16:36

I agree with LEM. She sounds quite disinhibited and is showing erratic and possibly risky behaviours. She needs some MH help

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