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Mental health

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Original poster

I've just realised im gunna have to do it all again.....

22 replies

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 11:20

Right, this may sound silly to begin with but please bear with me.

im 21 weeks pg and have just realised that im gunna have to give birth again. Not that i found giving birth that traumatic, but i have issues in my past that cause problems.

at 14 i was raped and giving birth (more to do with the examinations) really traumatises me, but it think i blocked that out because i wanted a baby so badly. and watching a film last night where a girl was raped which i promptly switched off, started crying and shaking, i realised iv gotta do it all again!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 05/07/2006 11:26

Well, for a start you can insist on minimal examinations.
Would something like hypnotherapy help?
Erm... elective c-section?

poppiesinaline · 05/07/2006 11:26

No wonder you have gone into turmoil. The thought of giving birth used to freak me out too (just the pain etc) and I had gone nothing of what you have gone through. Are you able to let your midwife know your feelings and what has happened to you?

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 11:30

i did like acctually having dd so dont think c-section would be an option.

but minimal examinations might be a good idea, i also kinda remember being offered G+a with some of dds and i think that helped coz i didnt tense as much so it didnt hurt therefore less painful memories.

OP posts:

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 11:31

i have told my mw that iv had problems and she said id need to talk to them on the labour ward and ask for a female if a male is presented etc but i dunno how forcful il be when in that much pain.

OP posts:

poppiesinaline · 05/07/2006 11:36

Will your dp/dh be with you during the birth? Will he be able to be forceful with the staff on the labour ward for you and insist on female assistance?

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 11:37

yeah he will be with me but im worried about telling him how scared i am, he doesnt really understand it all and finds it hard to understand why the things that freak me out do.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 05/07/2006 11:38

I only had 1 examination with DD earlier this year.

Also, how about a waterbirth? You get a sense of privacy being surrounded/covered by water.

SoupDragon · 05/07/2006 11:39

Write a birth plan explaining your wishes and reasons and hand it to the midwife on the labour ward. Having it all written down in advance is helpful for you, your DH/P and the midwife.

bubblez · 05/07/2006 11:51

stacym11 - I have friends that have been through labour and refused point blank to any internal examinations for their own reasons. Maybe if you write it down and drum it into whoever is going to be there that this is what you want/don't want etc.

Is your mum/aunty going to be there with you??

I had my dp and mum with me. Having mum there was a blessing as I told her before that I didn't want pethadin under any curcumstances, but when in labour found myself asking for it. She made sure that the midwifes didn't give me the pethadin and that the delivery went as I wanted pre labour pains.

RubyRioja · 05/07/2006 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 11:59

thanks for the ideas guys, was considering a waterbirth.

birth plan sounds like a good idea.

not having my mum there this time as she'll be looking after dd for me, she isnt the type to intervene anyway really. think birthplan is the way to go, thanks for the support!

OP posts:

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 12:02

i wanna be at hospital for babies sake, got a thing about it dunno why really.

kinda the wrong thing to say but not, its nice to know people kinda understand or at least try but i see it as if it hadnt happened i wouldnt have turned out like i did and maybe wouldnt have met dp and had dd so i cope that way but its still odd.

gotta go eat but will come back later, thank you ladies youve made me feel a bit better!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 05/07/2006 12:06

I felt much more relaxed in my pool having DD than I did with DSs. I also had her at home which was lovely (and statistically safer for mother & baby in an uncomplecated pregnancy. Apparently). Wouldn't have considered one for DS1 or 2 (like you, wanted to be in a hospital "for baby's sake") but it felt right this time round. Lovely and private with just one midwife for most of the time.

RubyRioja · 05/07/2006 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notquitesotiredmum · 05/07/2006 13:01

Just wanted to add a few words of support. You sounds as if you are an amazing lady. Here's hoping that you find a really good midwife to look after you. I was going to suggest the birth plan too, but do set it out really clearly, with the important bit early on and in capitals. In my experience, midwives sometimes skim through the birth plan then put it aside. Make it very clear, so that they get the message. They should then be very supportive.

Best of luck

Original poster

staceym11 · 05/07/2006 13:01

you are helpful ruby, thank you

i dont think i want epidural coz my family have a history of problems with them, pethidine is something id consider. its more to calm me so it doesnt hurt so i dont freak iyswim

OP posts:

mygirllolipop · 05/07/2006 14:58

Message withdrawn

DebbsyandBibby · 05/07/2006 21:38

oh stacey poor you huge hugs hunny xxx

Original poster

staceym11 · 06/07/2006 22:03

thnks for the messages people, gunna start writing a birth plan soon. gunna stay strong and just tell them straight that i cant deal with it and need gas + air for internals if they are nessesary as that distances me enough to relax.

OP posts:

eeyoreuk · 07/07/2006 06:40

stacey i just want to give you a great big hug i am a first time so have no idea what to suggest but now all of the nov thread will feel the same about trying to be ther for you eeyoreuk

Original poster

staceym11 · 07/07/2006 10:22

thank you eeyore, i think iv sorted my head out a bit now and all the advice on here has been really great. i thank everyone for their support!

OP posts:

DebbsyandBibby · 08/07/2006 17:40

Stacey we are all there for you on the november thread xx

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