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Mental health

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PTSD/Cannabis

13 replies

smallmomma · 25/10/2013 17:49

Ok. Im proper fed up and in need of a rant. Possibly some advice also.
My partner of 4 years, suffers from PTSD and tries to self help using cannabis.
Not the actual marijuana. The brown bits of it.
Now everyone knows (including him) the effects it can have on you.
Yet, he continues as he thinks it helps. (It doesnt).
Being honest with you, I haven't had one single day (not exaggerating) with him not being stoned, or drunk.
If he has no smoke, he will buy drink. But much prefers smoke as drink makes him angry.

He will be fine, and we plod along like a normal couple. Every few weeks however, he gets to a point...where I actually believe he should be sectioned.

Yesterday is a fine example:
It was my dads bday.
Only i wasnt too sure whether it was yesterday or today. I had got myself all confused over the actual date..im terrible, I know.
He kept telling me to ring and double check. But I felt convinced it was today.
I also didnt want to ring as to make them aware that i wasnt too sure. As i felt bad about it.
But as tim went on, it was getting closer and closer to my dads time to leave for work. I was worrying incase my being adamant was wrong. So i rang them.
Pleased i did as i was wrong and his bday was yesterday!
Only i just so happened to ring when my partner was out.

Now he feels that i deliberately waited til he went out to ring them. When i didnt.
He doesnt know why he feels like that, bit i have to accept it as it is his way of feeling.
Nevermind how i feel of being accused of something i didnt do.
So he errupted into a big arguement.
Even with me saying even if i did do that, what is the problem. What do you feel i would have done that for. So we could work through it. But he didnt know. Saying he didnt care. It was the fact i had lied. Only i hadnt lied.
So he kept on going. Then accused me of repeatedly bringing it up. When i wasnt.
I had simply rang my dad to find out the exact date. Which i didnt want to d in the first place and wished him a happy bday telling him we would be round later with his things.

But this arguement went on for hours. Then it subsided. I got the impression the light switched on and he got it and realised h was going overboard.
So this morning i told my partner the plan of going to my dads today for tea.

This errupted. Him claiming that i never mentioned that he was going and that he wasnt ivited. Saying i didnt want him tl go, nor did my parents. I was just saying i said that to him this morning so to try and prove him wrong. - but i did mention it to him, and we actually had a conversation about it!!!
So we never went round for tea as we were arguing. So i got wrong for that too.
Apparently, i deliberately didnt go to put the message across that i couldnt because he is a control freak and didnt want me to go!!

Funny thing is now...he is talkkng to me as if nothing has happened.
After accusing me of twisting everything he has said and using it against him. Saying i called him a control freak - when i didnt - he did!

What the man! Is it me? Did i really do such a bad thing ringing them when he was out?
I really, really didnt have a hidden agenda! It was just because of general worry.
But this is all my fault because of the phone call yesterday and because i never told him he was coming with me to my parents for tea when i did!!!

Am i insane?

OP posts:
smallmomma · 25/10/2013 18:37

Honestly, im well and truly fed up

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/10/2013 18:55

He's violent and aggressive, and he's gaslighting you, making you question your own memories. Any reason not leave him?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/10/2013 20:19

Try reposting in the Relationships part of MN.

Tiredemma · 25/10/2013 20:21

whats the PTSD from? and how does the cannabis help? is he just getting stoned?

smallmomma · 26/10/2013 10:49

Its from his childhood. The cannabis blocks the memories.
Thanx for replies.
Ive posted in mental health as i understand that a lot of the times i am dealing with his PTSD.
He is fine now. Back to normal. In fact he is happy today. But i feel thats because he has vented the past two days.
Relationship wise, on a normal level...he is loving, caring and like my best friend.
Ptsd style...he is his own worst enemy and i am the next enemy, he doesnt seem to care, or love and no longer feels like my best friend. But i know not to take it personally.

It gets hard. And sometimes i feel like im at a loss and being a mug by taking it.
But i knew this a few years ago and i want to be there for him and help him through this.
Sometimes, like yesterday, i just feel backed into a corner with no where to turn.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/10/2013 16:03

What treatment is he having for PTSD? Is he on any medications?

cupcake78 · 26/10/2013 16:07

PTSD is a horrible thing to live with. It's like your brain is out of control and affects your emotions. It's very common for drugs to be used to mask the problem but as your finding out it doesn't.

He needs to take responsibility for this not ignore it. Until he does you can't help and really why should you have to put up with his behaviour? In short you shouldn't!

smallmomma · 26/10/2013 16:43

He is on citolapram(excuse spelling) - he started those yesterday. He is seeing a CPn/drug counsellor while he is on the waiting list for emdr therapy.
They keep telling him things are going to get worse. Which worries us both! I have had a good talk with him today and he says he feels awful about those two days and that he knows he is coming across like a controlling person. Knowing thay everything he says, during and even after. Its thetypical domestic violence leaflets you see everywhere.
Plus, i have been in a relationship like that.
That is where i get confused.
If it happens again, i may have to tell him to move out until after his treatment. As its not good for any of us.

I understand he has problems, but dont we all. I am willing to help, but i need to be ok for my kids and myself. When he is like that..i am not ok.
I struggle to deal with my own problems. I dont think he realises just how much i put my problems aside to assist him with his first.
Sometimes i wish, even for one day, he would try and help me with mine. Which is anxiety and ocd.
I keep them at bay and have control over them. But everytime he loses it. My work is reset and i have to start again on myself. Whilst getting him back on track.
It can be sooo draining. On top of 4 kids.
Feeling a little underappreciated

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/10/2013 17:36

It does sound as if he needs to be quartered elsewhere until his treatment works/meds kick in. You can't be living like that, and four dc too! It's not fair on any of you.

HoopHopes · 26/10/2013 19:52

Hi, they would have said he will get worse as sometimes therapy makes things harder for a while. It is good he has professional support and has been open about his drug problems. Have you been offered a carer's assessment? If not contact his Cpn and request one. Anyone under a Cpn has the right to a carer's assessment, which you would be classed as and that may give you what you need.

smallmomma · 26/10/2013 20:59

Thank you hoophopes. Could I what thay would mean me being a carer? Thank you. I didnt know thay. But that is how i feel at times

OP posts:
HoopHopes · 27/10/2013 00:02

I would not say my dp is a carer but it is just the term they use and if anyone is under a CMHT their next of kin or partner is entitled to an official assessment and whatever support they could offer. Used to be a charity here and they offered a small sum of money for a specific purpose for the partner, say few months gym membership, money for childcare etc, what was relevant.

wontletmesignin · 07/11/2013 13:08

Bumping.
Hoping also if somebody could please link thks to the thread in relationships "am ibu to think oh should apologise to dd"

Thanx in advance :-)

Just to add to the topic - hes an abusive git

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