DD has been signed off work with depression for 6 weeks now - don't know how to help...

[josben]

Sorry, I have had a few glasses of wine, but I am at a loss on what to do - my DH has been signed off with depression for 4 weeks = the dr signed him off for another 2 weeks today and prescibed him with citalapram. He is very uptight, angry, low, short tempered with our 3 dcs. I am sooo fed up with how he is being it is awful + Plus I feel totally helpless in how to help him...

Sorry title should've said DH!!

Try googling 'depression fallout'. Should take you to a forum for those close to people with depression.

thank you - i will

Hi, sorry to hear your news.

Dh's have different approaches to depression and work. Some sign off straight away to see of rest and time away from perhaps a stressful job helps then offer medication when their watchful wait does not give benefits. Others do not sign people for unless they think the person is not fit to so their job or the patient suggest it would help. Do you think your dh would benefit from being in work? If so a meeting with occupational health may help him. Or a fit note from dr stating reduced hours?

Perhaps being at home with nothing to focus on means he is getting lower? So suggesting things to give him something t do he may enjoy might be an idea? What does he do for hobbies or to relax? A little project he wanted to do to start? Or plan? Something positive in the future to look forwards to ( researching a holiday or trip??) a craft? Something to distract him with? It can be really hard to go from full time work to nothing so lack of routine may not be helping him?

Making the most of any daylight can help. Plus exercise can help lift low mood, so any encouragement to do that is good.

Or perhaps you getting time away with the children to give you space would help you? Whatever you want or is practical.

Ultimately the person who is ill needs to learn to take responsibility and make changes to aid their recovery. That can take some time and some gentle prompts and suggestions may help. Is there any mental health charity he could visit, such as mind or rethink, with voluntary groups for people with depressions; where I live is a fortnightly walking group etc.

Thank you very much for your post - DH had a phone consultation with his Ot At work this morning and then and |Dr's visit - the Work OT said that DH should not go back to work yet and then the Dr agreed and prescribed him AD's - I suggested to |DH that he should try to go back to work sooner than later might be better - get back on the horse etc... but he took great umbridge to this - and said that I was not being understanding etc... I am sooo f*ed off with everything - I am trying my hardest to be positive and help but I do not think I am sympathetic enough... Then I think that I am being a doormat to allow myself to be used as an emotional punch bag... DH is trying to cycle everyday and now he has these AD's which he is going to start taking tomorrow I hope to God that this will help the situation. I know that he has been feeling depressed for a long ttime...

What a shame. Sometimes doing say just two hours a day of work can make it easier to return.

Try and remember his emotional well being is his responsibility, not yours. People with depression can be very selfish and insular and sometimes no matter what you do or say it will not be right.

I would be tempted to carry on like you would normally as if he was at work, if that makes sense. Suggest things, do things with him if he is willing but do not pander to him. If he gets used to being looked after he may find it harder to take responsibility to recover. Sounds like it is really hard on you. Do you have support?? Be kind to yourself.

Hi thanks for your post - yes I do have my mum to talk to about it. I don't really want to tell friends about it ....

I keep hoping things will get better but they don't seem to be . It's like he can't help himself being angry and negative :( I

I have stopped asking him to do stuff around the house as he gets uptight if I ask Him to do something like put a shelf up . He says he's ill and he has no motivation to do anything...

I think counselling would help him but the dr said there is a long waiting list ...

Hi great you have your Mum.

Yes, very long waiting lists and also there is no point him having counselling unless he is motivated enough to engage with it and make changes. It can also help for medication to be enough in the system for people to make use of counselling if they are severely depressed.

Agree not asking him to do things is wise as a source of tension maybe. But I would equally say that doing everything for him will not enable him to take responsibility for his recovery ( so if you visit mum for a meal, he can get his own etc?)